1 Long ago I was hospitalized in a weird set of circumstances (as it is most times probably) over a holiday weekend which was was about 4 or 5 nights.
That was life altering.

2. Around that time, I had two or three bad enough encounters with cops.
These also changed my world view in terms of how I handle myself outside the cloister I have built for myself.

Am I the only one here who thinks like this: . . . . that there are many moments in any given week when one could be on the wrong side of a cop's temperament or
involved in a scene that has a cop or someone else transporting one to a mental hospital or to jail?

===
In my childhood, I played piano/organ at a state hospital very near my house. And a childhood best friend's father was a pdoc there.
One might think that I have some ease with institutions.
Not really. The power of the state can be massive.

In my thirty years in this area, I have lived near another huge state hospital -- mostly home to schizophrenics (medium term) and
people with addiction problems ( 72-hour holds).
At her request, I once drove someone to a hospital and waited with her until morning when the pdoc showed up to let her through the locked doors.

I have never been inside a jail and yet I often feel like I have to hold everything together in order to be within the lines of acceptable behavior.

In other words, I spend a H U G E amount of energy trying to "pass" as normal
knowing that at any given moment I could freak out and scare people.

M

speaking from experience as one who was in and out of pshch wardst after my acquired brain injury nearly drove me insane I can actually say the police overwhelmingly did not want confrontation. One time my mother called the police on Me and five of them came and I said oh well I guess we r going 2 have to dance aren't we which meant fight. And the cops did nothing and they said they would not fight. And they waited until I got composed and I left it on my own. You fit in fine. it will be fine I promise

Mari,

I think the fact that you even think to expend that energy puts you in a safer place than you realize. And you'd probably be safe even if you turned down the energy to just a bit cautious. OR only turned it on when you feel particularly upset. People do not get hospitalized for breaking down and crying, or screaming at someone else in line. Unless you physically assaulted someone... like enough to hurt them badly, it's unlikely you'd end up in jail or a hospital, as I see it.

The times I've been possibly in danger of being put in jail are all times when I wasn't in the least worried about it... eg reckless driving, drinking and driving. Both behaviors endanger others (and self). Cops will protect others by removing you from the streets, and in those situations, they will use force if you become belligerent because they cannot allow you to persist in those kinds of behaviors.

And the fact remains, if people worried or even had a second thought that they would end up in jail or in a hospital, they would not do that kind of stuff. I did not worry about it -- probably like most who do those things or other dumb, dangerous crap.

waves

Certainly enough to make one very fearful and willing to put forth enormous effort to avoid a repeat.

Well, I don't know what happened, but I'll say this. Cops are trained to come off tough. They need to be assertive. It is their job to bark up a storm specifically to avoid biting. The fact that yoou weere scared shows that you are not a criminal, LOL.

This is certainly possible, but I don't think it's healthy to worry about it or take steps to prevent it any more than we worry about, say, being in a car accident, or being assaulted. Taking reasonable precautions is ok, but the bottom line is that it isn't something you control: it's about somebody else behaving badly.

waves

Mark,
I am sorry that you have been through that. You have a good head on your shoulders.

M

if I had a good head on my shoulder I wouldn't have had challenged the cops to a fight lol. I think you will be fine. Sometimes I think I'm acting strange and maybe peoples are looking at me but I realize it's only in my head and I am acting just like everyone else.

Few of them are properly trained in how to handle mental health issues and I have no doubt that our jails (w/ the largest jailed population in the world) are crammed full of the MI.

Of course I am not a criminal. I do not break laws.

But many times when I am at work or out in public I am holding every thing together --- feeling like an imposter--- could lose it completely,

My anxiety is so strong and barely medicated that I could easily let go
Of what holds me back.
Somedays almost every minute of my work days feels one half second away from revealing that I am crazy. I have developed coping/ covering mechanisms of course.

Mark,

Maybe people are mostly paying attention to themselves.

Still , once one is confined, things do not improve with
Out some outside intervention.

I carry legal insurance ( with the phone number on my key chain) in case I need representation.


M

I am sorry you live with this fear, Mari. It sounds like you are afraid of a dam bursting.

I think you are in less danger of being put away than your fear would have you believe, even with untrained cops and whatnot. But only you know what is behind that dam. I do not.

I also understand that fear isn't rational and cannot be convinced. I am glad you have figured out coping mechanisms. Theoretically, we get better and better at coping as we get older.

waves

I understand your fear.
I too am afraid that I will do something wrong. I do not have your level of fear though, am sorry that you do.
I am afraid of cops. always have been. scares me to death of being pulled over like I am paranoid that I have done something wrong and will be sent to jail. I feel that I am a good driver but still have those fears.
I have drank and driven before but don't do that anymore.
I always try to act normal around my psychiatrist because of her power over me. even if I am hypomanic I will try to cover that up as I don't want to ever go to the hospital again.Horrible place. But necessary if psychotic like I was.
I don't remember the first and only time when I was first diagnosed the exact circumstances but the police were called and I was hand cuffed and taken to the psych hospital, there I was put into 4 way restraints, it was awful but necessary, I guess. I will take my meds forever.
bizi