Sounds like the cats are afraid you aren't coming back. So it will get better
as time goes hopefully.

They also need the play time, like bobby's cats. For that fact one of
ours does too. I need to find the toys again. Or have Derrick look
when he is here this week.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

hope you ogt things done at the center.
Hope you are feeling ok, I know that you said you are drinking more water, hope you don't get dehydrated from your gi issues. when is your appointment again?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Rocky and Dottie are very playful, and they play well together when you use long string-type toys. They are lazy though, and lose interest pretty quickly. My husband is much better at playing with the toys. We've never found anything that Buddy seems to like or knows how to play with with us, but he likes to play with toys and random things on his own and goes spastic with them. He stops if he catches us looking at him, so we have to pretend we're not looking. It's pretty funny :)
I wish Dottie would stay interested for longer. She's really gotten fat and it's hard for me to pick her up now. She's giving Rocky a run for his money. It's funny because I never see her eating, and she won't eat treats or people food.

Doing the goal plan went well. We talked about the DRA (dual recovery anonymous) meetings I should be going to… but I have such a hard time knowing where the line is when talking about my drinking I'm avoiding going. I'm afraid if I start talking again, I'll trigger something, go to that dark place, and my OCD thinking will just torture me relentlessly. A lot of bad things are associated with that subject matter and it's so easy for my mind to jump in a million different unpleasant directions. The s/s attempt is obviously the biggie. The association is the 3-4 month manic period preceding it.

I had lunch there yesterday. They served grilled chicken breast with roasted carrots and rice pilaf. It was terrible, which is very unusual. I couldn't swallow the chicken because it was so dry.

I'm having swallowing problems anyway- fluids included, but it's not every time I swallow. It makes me think that the problem is with muscle coordination from MS rather than a narrowing of my esophagus or scar tissue, even though there is pain when it happens. The acid reflux is really bad again, but I'm not having the same degree of heartburn problems I was before. I don't know if the endoscopy is worthwhile, but it's scheduled for the 24th. I am considering canceling it.
My lower GI problems are better. I think it's a combination of all the magnesium I'm getting from the large quantity of antacids I'm taking, and the fact that I gave up on taking the amantadine in the afternoon. Increasing that really aggravated those problems.
I'm being careful not to wash myself out too much. I only had 6 pint glasses of water yesterday. I was drinking too much coffee and not enough water before. I'm hoping it will help with the reflux.

I spent a very difficult 21 minutes on the exercise bike yesterday. It's in the bedroom. We don't have AC in there, and the cool air never seems to find it's way in. We have a fan in there, but it's like a cyclone and would be blowing directly in my face, and I can't turn it or move it. It hit 88 degrees yesterday. Today should be cooler. We'll see how I do…

i just love the stories of your kitty cats!
bobby

Do be careful with your health dear lady and your sanity. Which is something that we should all cherish and protect.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

K

I love hearing about your cats.
Re the DRP: You have good instincts about what you need.
The DRP might not be necessary and might be harmful.


M

My instincts tell me that the meetings would be harmful. Those same instincts tell me that talking about these things in any great detail in therapy isn't safe either because I'll bring the thoughts back home with me. I am dealing with things, privately, in bits and pieces, because that's what I'm capable of handling.

I am doing very well with my sobriety on my own. My 1 year is in July. It hasn't been hard despite living with a hardcore alcoholic. My cravings are almost nil, and when I do get them I'm very easily redirected. I have very good reasons to stay sober, and being on the right meds has made a world of difference.

Also, I don't know if the club would be the right place for a meeting for me even though there are a lot of people with bipolar disorder who have or had substance abuse problems…

I'm not quite sure it's the right place for me at all yet. I get so many comments that I don't look the part. I feel like I don't have the "right" kind of bipolar disorder to belong. I look so normal, and right now I can act so normal, but I'm sooooo ****ed up. I'm too crazy for the real world, but not crazy enough for their's… The funny thing is if I was really struggling right now, I would hide myself away. The last thing I would do is join a social club.

Kay

We all share where we feel safe and comfortable. So your instincts
are the things to follow.

Keep up the great work.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

It's been so hot and humid here. Yesterday I had to turn on that huge fan when I was on the bike and I was getting blasted with air in the face the entire 30 minutes I was on there.

The odor of cat urine is back in the "cat room." I bleached out the cat boxes and changed out the litter about 2 weeks ago, and I scoop everyday. So that means the humidity is activating the odor of the old urine stains from the carpet/padding again. I would shampoo the carpet in there (it's a small room), but my husband moved a bunch of **** in there so it's impossible. He put an old love seat in there that we don't need. It comes apart in pieces, so he should be able to manage throwing it out himself. He won't get motivated until the smell gets to be too much for him. Unfortunately, I have a much keener sense of smell :(

I hope you have a nice day OK

I did another 1/2 hour on the bike yesterday and was able to get my heart rate up for a little while in spurts. I haven't really been able to do that in the past because the motion alone is so tough on my legs. I also did 15 sad little sit ups lol. I will stick to the 30 minutes on the bike with the goal of getting my heart rate up for longer periods now.

My Keurig is on its last legs. It's been brewing 1/2 cups on and off. The troubleshooting the manual suggests doesn't work. We've had it for years. I'm surprised I didn't kill it a long time ago with the work out I give it. My husband's been complaining about the problems, so I waited for him to bring up the idea of getting a new one, and he finally did. He doesn't want to upgrade, but I think if I can find a good deal, I can convince him otherwise. I'd like a machine that can brew hot and cold beverages. I'm going to enjoy hunting for a new one :)

My husband has started drinking during the week again. He was doing so well for a while. Of course I'm disappointed, but I haven't said anything to him about it. As they say in AA, "You are only responsible for your own sobriety."

I was content not going out yesterday. The laundry room was very busy, but I was able to get my 2 loads done. The kitchen floor was in desperate need of mopping, so I checked that off my list too.
I had planned on doing the grocery shopping today, but we're going to have 20-30 mph winds (and I don't know what the gusts will be like). We're not in desperate need of food, so I'm postponing that until tomorrow. Why go out if I don't have to? I can find plenty of things to do at home.
I was planning to go to the club today or tomorrow, but that will wait until next week.

I did run out to the store to grab a couple of things yesterday. I didn't use handicapped parking and chose a spot far from the door because the wind had blown the shopping carts all over the parking lot. The walk didn't kill me ;)

I'm taking care of the rest of the grocery shopping today. I have to visit our bank first. The closest branch is in a supermarket, but I won't be doing my shopping there today. Their prices are high, and my list is long. While I'm out, I'll hit the butcher shop, too.

We'll be having some cooler weather (70s) for a while. I'm grateful for it. The heat slows me down so much. We've been able to open the doors and windows the last two days, but the all the pollen is killing me. Allegra works pretty well for me, but I can't take it because it interacts with all the antacids. A one month trial of Claritin failed, and the Zyrtec I'm taking now is doing nada. I guess I'll be trying nasal sprays next?

I hope my legs will get used to the bike eventually. They were especially painful yesterday, but I still did 30 minutes. I guess I'm developing some discipline… a good thing.

I decided to hold off on the exercise bike until I returned from shopping yesterday because I didn't want to over do it. It was a good decision. Grocery shopping takes a lot out of me. I was exhausted when I got home.

On the weekends we usually eat later around 7-7:30. I spent 45 minutes cooking a huge pork chop from the butcher shop and took it out of the oven at an almost perfect 170 degrees. He barely ate anything. His excuses: he was full, he had a big sub at 1pm, the pork chop was a little dry (BS), and he had less of an appetite since he was going to be 40 in a year (lol, lol, lol). I knew it was because he was drunk and full of beer. Sometime during the 15 minutes while I was out of the room doing the dishes he passed out. I was ******.

I'm going to heat up some shitty frozen food for dinner tonight.

The updated model of the Keurig we have now is on sale on eBay for $77 with free shipping. Before now, the lowest total price I've been able to find has been about $95. The down side is that 1) the seller has no history or feedback and 2) the seller doesn't accept returns. The item is listed as "brand new" so if it isn't, it's covered under eBay's buyer protection policy despite the seller's return policy. For other issues, we're up ****'s creek. If it is brand new, most issues should be covered under Keurig's 1 year warranty. These probably fell off the back of a truck. It probably costs about $20 for a private individual just to ship one. I said I'd leave it up to my husband, but he's no help at all. I don't know what to do. I love a good deal, but sometimes to be safe, it's worth it to spend the extra money…

Kay,

I would have enjoyed the pork chop with you.

If you feel that you are up to the small but not insignificant risk, get the coffee thing (I am not sure what it is.)

M

Thank you Mari :hug:

I made the shitty frozen food for dinner last night and my husband cleaned his plate... despite that dainty little 40 yo appetite. lol. I had called him on his BS and teased him in the morning because of all his excuses for not eating, and he did own up to being too drunk to eat the night before.
He stayed up passed 11pm last night, which is very rare for him because of how much he drinks and because he's always early to bed and early to rise. He's actually still asleep right now, also rare.
So far, he's been in a good mood this weekend :)

The item I'm looking at is a single serving coffee brewer that uses k-cups. Although this with this new version you can buy a carafe (because it's usually sold separately) and use special large k-cups to brew 4 servings at once. It has a decent sized water reservoir so you can brew multiple cups before refilling it. So far I haven't gotten an alert that they're almost sold out, so I haven't been forced into a decision yet. I'm weighing several factors aside from the safety of the purchase, but it is really tempting…

Kay,

Can you believe that I only drank coffee twice in my life?
The first time went o.k. but the second very much agitated/jacked up me up/did something something unpleasant.


I hope that getting or not getting the coffee brewer works out exactly
the way that is best for you (one way or another).

M

I can believe it Mari, but you're missing out lol.
I don't blame you for not wanting to try something you had a negative experience with again. A lot of people don't drink coffee for the same reason.

I'm sure I'll be pleased with my coffee machine no matter what I end up with. I'm just indecisive, especially with more expensive or significant purchases.

My anxiety is, well, "not good" right now. It's mainly an increase in OCD thinking. I checked my pill minder and all my meds are in order. It's not out of control though. The klonopin is helping, but there is a change, so I have to be mindful of that. I'm up from 1/2mg of klonopin to 2.5mg a day over the last 2 days and that's significant. I'm pushing my limit.

I have an idea about what could be causing, or at least contributing to, the increased anxiety (maybe I'll write about it tomorrow?). Hopefully once that situation is resolved, I'll feel better. I just have to be careful about how bad this gets and how long it lasts, and make sure it doesn't lead to something worse. Right now my mood is stable.

If this persists and/or the klonopin can't control it, I'll go see my pdoc who will likely max me out on seroquel. I really don't want to go now because I don't want to do that for something that could be temporary. I can often find ways to manipulate myself and reduce my anxiety to a manageable level if given enough time…. but that usually applies to increases in GAD.

Hello, We just noticed this thread has over 1000 posts.:)
The system does best if threads are less than 1000 posts.

You may start a new thread to carry on this same topic.
Perhaps same title but add #2 - (Thought I was doing much better... #2) then we can close this thread.
Thank you

Just close it. I will restart a new thread later.