glad that you will see her/him on monday and can ask this question about your meds...that way you can adjust them as you see fit.
bizi
I wish you wellness, kay(((((HUGS))))

that is great about the anxiety. i have anxiety whether i am tired or not...
good that you don't have any reaction to skipping klonopin.
bobby

i am always amazed to hear you all playing up and down with Klonopin.


I have a tighter "window" to work with I think.


:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

M

Not too long ago I was having massive problems with my anxiety. I have my ups and downs, but have been managing much better lately for some reason. I do get anxiety whether I'm tired or not (that was a joke). I almost never medicate in the afternoon because I'm so exhausted at that point, and I know the effect of the klonopin will be tenfold.

I have my follow-up appointment regarding the substance abuse evaluation on the 3rd. I'll find out then how much counseling I'm going to have to go through, and get an idea of how long it's going to take me, and how much it's going to cost me. I know my anxiety will rise again then.

I pushed it too hard yesterday. My husband moved some things around in the "cat room" (the extra bedroom where we keep the litter boxes and other random ****) and I did some cleaning. I skipped my nap. Later when I was cooking dinner I was so exhausted I got really confused and couldn't remember what I was doing or what was going on :( In the middle of it my husband came in and started poking me in the *** and I flipped out because I was so frustrated. I had to deal with calming him down because he was so ****** at me before I could figure out what the hell was going on with the dinner :(

I'm really looking forward to the game today! :) It should be a great game! The Pats have 20 players on the injury report, but they're still a strong team, and I think they're going to win :)

enjoy your foot ball!
bizi sorry that you had some disorientation....

Thank you,Bizi. It's okay. I'm just venting. You guys really don't have to respond to it (I know this isn't an MS forum).
I may just be having a pseudo-relapse- meaning something (infection, etc) is temporarily making my MS symptoms worse. And whenever that something improves I will too. The problem is, I don't have any sx of anything that falls into that category.
Things evolve with MS, but it's hard to accept things right away. I'll adapt better to things as they are and feel less of a need to ***** about it at some point.


I can't believe the Pats were able to put up 18 offensive points and the score was that close… it just looked like a slaughter… hard to watch for any Pats fan. The Broncos defense played amazingly well and Manning came through. The better team won, but it was a very disappointing loss. We can't blame injuries.
I don't like Peyton Manning, but I'm happy that that he was able to get another win in the post-season before his retirement. But I don't see another ring in his future because he has to face the Panthers in the Super Bowl…

I missed the beginning of the Cardinals vs. Panthers game because I was cooking dinner and then my husband was against watching it. But I turned it on after he went to bed at the end of the first half. The Panthers had a big lead and there were a dizzying amount of turnovers in a short period of time. I checked back in after halftime to watch them working as a well-oiled machine for a while before I passed out.

I recorded the new X-Files and a bunch of crap after it in case the game went long and the episode recording got cut off. I'm excited to watch it tonight. My husband has really been looking forward to it, too.

i watched the football game too and was very upset. I knew they were going to lose because the bronco's defense was so good and brady seemed unprotected most of the time. I can't blame brady but had to admire the bronco's defense.

i feel asleep during the panthers game. it was exciting in a negative way.
I kept the tv on and heard all the shouting.
bobby

kay, thank you for explaining about your MS. Please continue to post about what ever you are struggling with. know that we care and want the best health possible for you.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I saw my pdoc today. I got the okay to move 50mg of the am seroquel to the nighttime dose. Hopefully I don't become symptomatic because I'm changing the timing. She said she would not support a total dose reduction or a med change even if it was contributing (which she highly doubts) because she strongly believes it would lead to another hospitalization or worse.

I don't think the am dose reduction is going to help. I refilled my pill-minder and apparently I forgot to take my am meds 3 times last week (I'm going to have to set up a reminder) and still felt like ****. But I'm going to stick with it for a couple of days (even if I become symptomatic) to see just how much the seroquel is contributing to my fatigue.

I'm thinking about returning to my PCP again to rule out medical causes (other than MS) if the seroquel isn't having a substantial effect on me. Maybe something is flying under the radar.

I was thinking… If this is going to be a permanent thing, I don't think it matters how long it takes me to get my license back. I can't drive like this. But it would still be nice to have it, and get the whole ordeal over with.

Yesterday I took the smaller daytime dose of seroquel for the fist time. It made zero difference. zero. I should have felt a change.

Maybe yesterday was an aberration though, and I was doomed to have a particularly bad day no matter what I did with the seroquel. I do have fluctuations so IDK.

Because of my ups and downs, I need more repetition to be sure of where the seroquel fits in. I'm going to have to go back to journaling.

I am sorry that you are struggling with the fatigue.... :(

yes journaling is a great idea, it has worked for you before.:)
bizi

You're right Bizi. The journaling helped BIG TIME when I went through that long awful hypo/manic episode. When I missed documenting a couple of days on Word, I pulled info from my posts here.

I'm going to devote some serious time to finding a really good pill splitter online today. I have 2 and they both split my klonopin like butter, but neither of them can cut the 100s or 400s of seroquel cleanly or evenly because of the coating. I need a guillotine.

I wasn't anymore alert or energetic yesterday morning. I had to take another 1/2mg of klonopin at 10:30am and it didn't seem to make matters worse, but the seroquel study is going to be tainted because I'm probably going to be taking more klonopin daily now.
So far I'm not symptomatic since changing the timing of the seroquel doses.

I find out what drunk.org's "treatment plan" is for me on Monday. I was doing a pretty damned good job of not obsessing over this for a while, but now my anxiety level is really starting to rise. I have absolutely no idea what to expect, so I'm expecting what I think is the worst, but what if what I think is the worst isn't as bad as what I'm actually going to end up with? I'm much more anxious about this appointment than I was about the actual substance abuse evaluation because I'm getting the verdict.

The substance abuse counseling is court ordered. I have to complete it within a certain time frame (whether I choose to put off getting my license back or not), or I'll be in contempt of court.

Today I'm going to call and schedule an appointment with that counselor I found. I don't want to have to wait a long time before I can get started working on whatever the counseling requirements are. I hope I can get morning appointments when I'm at my best.
The counselor will do her own intake. I worry that she will recommend even more counseling than drunk.org.

[QUOTE=OhKay;1195991]You're right Bizi. The journaling helped BIG TIME when I went through that long awful hypo/manic episode. When I missed documenting a couple of days on Word, I pulled info from my posts here.

I'm going to devote some serious time to finding a really good pill splitter online today. I have 2 and they both split my klonopin like butter, but neither of them can cut the 100s or 400s of seroquel cleanly or evenly because of the coating. I need a guillotine.

Kay, Good luck finding a great pill splitter. I know exactly what your talking about.
Donna

When you meet the counselor you could ask her/him about confidentionality . .
. . esp regarding the report that goes to the court. Also ask about how many
patients they have worked with from the court.

You can ask more questions too --- some things that would make sense to you
to want to know about --- like maybe asking about how the counselor
feels about folks who drive while intoxicated. Or other issues that matter to you that are not directly related to alcohol.

The answers will guide what you choose to talk about.

M

Hi, Kay,

Regarding journaling:

There are apps for that if you like using a device besides the computer.


I find that images like emojis could work even in an MS Word document.

:-) , :-/ , :-(

One could simplify with three or four images and a few other
identifiers of what is happening (symptoms, side effects, meds, mood, . . .)
(. . . Just some thoughts after a four-hour nap this afternoon)

M

I obviously clicked on something yesterday that got me and my computer in trouble. Safari is frozen with a virus warning message with a sketchy # to call. I tried to download Norton, but my system is 10.7OSX and the new version only supports 10.9OSX. But via chat a rep is trying to ID the issue and I can get the older version of Norton... Hopefully after she can remotely fix the issue.

VERY frustrating!!!

Meanwhile Buddy won't stop climbing all over my lap.

I hope this works out...

I already have an issue with Firefox because their new update has been leading to crashes.

so sorry kay.
I hate computer issues. Jeff is the go to guy in the family.
He is really good researching fixes etc.
I am not techno savy.
bizi

The rep from Norton was able to remotely fix the issue with Safari for me and she download the older version of the anti-virus software, so I'm all set.

I bought two inexpensive, but highly rated pill-cutters yesterday. Together they put me out about $12. I don't have high hopes, but I'm going to give them a try before I shell out $30 for the next best thing. I'll let you know how they work out.

Mari, I could simplify things by just using those emoticons on the calendar in my cell phone… that would be pretty easy. I'll need to document if I took a nap, when I did, and how long it lasted too.

As far as the substance abuse counseling: the license the state requires makes these counselors qualified to work with people who are convicted of DUI. I can expect no confidentiality, and anything I say can become part of my case file. The counselor can also use anything I say as a basis for recommending more counseling if she thinks I need it, and I'd be required to complete it.
They don't just ask about your relationship with alcohol and drugs in these sessions. They ask questions ask about your past and day to day life.
.
I am only disclosing Bipolar Disorder and GAD. I will not be mentioning OCD, intrusive thoughts, or PTSD. If asked, she may speak to my therapist and pdoc but the disclosure will be limited to my general stability, participation in care, and compliance. Period. I will not be signing off on anything else. If pushed, I will not sign off on anything.

I thought my follow-up with drunk.org was on Monday, but the 3rd falls on a Weds. so I'll have more time to sweat it out.
I made an appointment for my first counseling session yesterday. It's on the 11th. I was able to speak to my counselor directly. She seems very nice. She is also a licensed therapist. At least she will understand what I'm talking about when I mention BP symptoms. I know she has worked with several of drunk.org's clients because they recommended her to me, so she has worked with clients in the court system before.

sounds like a plan.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I forgot to make copies of the letters pdoc and tdoc wrote for me to give to drunk.org, but was able to get them when I saw pdoc. I'll bring the letters to the counselor when I see her on the 11th. This time I made copies.

I think putting myself on a regular schedule will help me manage things better, and hopefully help me adapt. I've been toying with the idea of setting a nap time. I'm going to work on it. Of course I'll have to contend with appointments that will throw everything off, and my husband often puts the food shopping off for days so I can't really set that event in stone.

oh kay, glad that you made copies!
Have a good day.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My anxiety is climbing again, but it's not out of control. 1.5mg of klonopin is still doing the job. I'm still not taking anything in the afternoon or evening even though I could use it at times.

I over did it vacuuming, doing laundry, and food shopping Friday. I did more laundry Saturday morning, and my nap ended up lasting 5hrs. I'm sore and still paying for Friday.

I got up at 5:30am this morning. I can't sleep in. When I'm up, I'm up. But for some reason I have the hardest time waking up from naps.

Tomorrow I'm calling for an appointment with my PCP. I'm praying he finds something treatable that's contributing to this. I desperately need some relief.

I am sorry for your fatigue.
Please be kind to yourself,
maybe just do some work spread over several days?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Anxiety is really hard. I hope the PCP can help you.:hug::hug::hug:


M

This morning I called an made an appointment with my PCP for today at 2:30. In addition to my regular complaints, right now I'm feeling "off." I felt a little sweaty so I took my temp and it was 99.6 so maybe I'm sweating out a little fever. I guess it's a good day to have a doctor's appointment- as long as he doesn't confuse this with why I made the appointment in the first place.

I hope that the doctor's appt was helpful. :hug::hug::hug:

M

The only thing worse than having a cold is your husband having a cold lol. The poor thing is much worse off than I am, too. I hope I don't get as sick as he is because I won't take OTC cold meds.

My appointment with my PCP did not go very well. He went "Med-Blind" and is convinced it's the seroquel- even though I told him I had reduced the daytime dose and it hadn't made a difference, and I know the difference between fatigue and sedation. He wouldn't consider anything else.

After a cursory exam he did order labs, but it was a fight. I was satisfied with what he ordered though. He also increased my synthroid from 50 to 75mg because my levels were off but borderline last time.

I have an appointment with my neurologist on Monday. I should have the results of my blood tests by then, and they'll be helpful. Since I'm not having a clear relapse, it's important for my neurologist to know other things have been excluded before he can assess my symptoms in terms of MS. I wonder how much weight he will give to my med list? He may order an MRI, but I hope not. They're expensive and I'm still paying my percentage of the 999,999 I've already had. In general, I don't have high expectations for the appointment. I don't expect him to do much more than examine me and take notes.

Just for the hell of it, I'm going to go back through several months to find the dates when I made the increases in seroquel that brought me up to my current dose of 750mg. I know that the fatigue has become a major problem for about the last month, but I'm going to check up on that, too. I want to see if there is a direct correlation.

9/19- Finally stabilized on 600mg seroquel pm and 400mg gabapentin (which has remained steady)

11/30- added 50mg seroquel am (50mg am, 600pm)

12/4- added 50mg seroquel am (100mg am, 600pm)

12/18- added 50mg seroquel pm (100mg am, 650 pm)

1/25- changed dosing to 50mg seroquel am, 700mg pm

Between 3-6 days I said I adjusted to the sedative effect of the increased seroquel while taking 1-1.5mg of klonopin daily.

I didn't go over all my posts during this whole time period. I was only looking for the date when I finally stabilized, and the dates I increased the seroquel dose up to where it's at now.

I noticed I've been complaining about fatigue on and off since at least October, but have consistently started bitching about it since early January and it seems to have gotten much worse since the 1/18.

as i have said i was a zoombie on seroquel and even my friends saw the difference. I wasn't even close to the amount you are taking. i got off of it so fast. I felt i had no control.
bobby

good for you for being able to find documentation.
I am thankful we have this forum for support and a tool to help us do exactly what you just did.
good for you.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

I feel sorry for your Hubby! We men do not get colds, we get Man Flu, a serious, painful, debilitating condition that leaves us at Death's Door:D:D:D

We need sympathy and a lot of patience.

Dave.

"Man Flu!" lol. I love it! And I love that you can admit it, Dave! :)

Bizi, I'm thankful I had my posts to rely on for that info. I didn't anticipate the need to journal, but since I post everyday my thread served as one. I'm thankful in so many ways for this forum, and for all of you :grouphug:

Bobby, I'm sorry you had such a bad reaction to seroquel.

There are some drugs I can't take at all like depakote, risperdal, zyprexa, and cipro. But I think I have a high tolerance for most meds because Ive been on such high doses of **** over the years and haven't experienced the sensitivities and side effects that most of you mention.

At my appointment, my PCP mentioned he was concerned that I was on 400mg of gabapentin, too. I was on 600/600/1200mg of it for about 8yrs! Along with a **** load of other drugs including 1800mg of lithium! He was shocked by that even though he was my doctor the entire time. Truth be told, a lot of funky neuro things were going on and nobody realized it was the lithium until I stopped it for good in June. My old neurologist thought I was a nut job.

I don't take anything to treat the MS or its symptoms anymore. It's not the decision that most people make, but my neurologist agrees with me, and says that I'm already on too many meds that act on the brain.
But that's not the decision I can make regarding my bipolar disorder. It's dangerous and difficult to control. I'm thankful that I can tolerate meds to the degree I can. I don't know what kind of shape I would be in otherwise.

I'd be more suspicious that the seroquel was causing the fatigue and cognitive problems if those symptoms didn't disable me prior to my BP diagnosis and prior to the use of any of these meds, if the increases of seroquel had a direct correlation to the increase in fatigue, and if reducing the daytime dose of it had improved my symptoms.

That being said, putting somebody with MS, fatigue, and cognitive issues on so many meds isn't going to turn out well no matter how you slice it. It is going to play some role. There has been consistency for some time even being on so many different meds, but for some reason there's a change for the worse right now. I'm just kind of grasping at straws looking for something that will prove that this won't be permanent.



I have my appointment with drunk.org this afternoon. I finally get to find out how much punishment I will receive for my honesty. I'm not expecting the "treatment plan" to be reasonable, but I'm going to try my best to hold my temper. My anxiety is sky high right now, but I expect it will go down again once I get the verdict and accept my fate.

Even though I'm going to have to go through this process, I've pretty much stopped thinking about the end game of getting my license back because it seems so far off right now because I have to complete whatever the counseling recommendations are and I don't know how much time it will take. Not being alert enough to drive right now is also a major factor.

I've been asking my husband for over a week to let his boss know that he has to be out early today so that he can take me to my appointment that's scheduled for 4:30. Last night he said he still hadn't, but it was no problem because he'd be home long before then…
He called me about a half hour ago to say he was on his way to another job. I told him it would cost me $100 to cancel and reschedule the appointment. He asked where the appointment was (because he obviously never listens to me). He could have declined the job and said he had an appointment, but didn't.
I've been forbidden to take UberTaxi because he said it's not safe, but I'm going to have to go that route today.
Between being furious at him for canceling on me at the last minute and having to get into a car with a stranger using a service I've never used to go to an appointment I'm already freaked out about, my anxiety is so high I'm climbing the ****ing walls right now!!!
I never take klonopin this late in the day, but I have no choice. I can't handle this feeling!

i am so sorry...just what you didn't need...too much
fondly
bobby

Kay

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Is there any way he can pick you up.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

How are you?
bizi

Hugs to you, Kay.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

'Wanting good things for you.


M

The whole thing about UberTaxi: The place I was going was 3 towns away and over the state line, so a regular cab ride would be ridiculously expensive, but there are some horror stories out there about Uber drivers.

I had to take 1mg of klonopin because I had a full-blown anxiety attack. My husband ended up calling me around 3:15 to ask if I had called for a ride yet (I hadn't) because he was on his way home.

When he got here he told me I didn't understand how his job worked and he couldn't just decline going… I called him on his BS and told him he should have just let his boss know in advance he had to be out early because he seldom takes any time off, but when he does they always respect it. He was shouting at me about having to constantly take me to appointments, but aside from the evaluation a couple of weeks ago, I take cabs and haven't called upon him in a long time.

He doesn't like to be wrong, and doesn't respond well to it. I usually don't pick fights because of it. It's just easier to suck it up. He also can't deal with any kind of anxiety, which I think is part of why he drinks so much. He just went ****ing bananas! The whole way to and from the appointment was a temper tantrum. The problem is he's not a child, so it's ****ing scary. I didn't speak to him except to ask him to calm down several times. My favorite part was on the way home when the windows started fogging up a little he got frustrated and said he just wanted to drive into a ****ing wall. Fun ride? No nap, 1mg of klonopin at 4:30pm, and I was WIDE AWAKE. I could have taken 2mg of klonopin and it wouldn't have done the job.


When I got to the appointment, the counselor couldn't find my case file and said it was probably at the main office in east *** crack. All I could think of was the ball of rage waiting impatiently for me in the parking lot. Thankfully, she finally called over and they gave her the info she needed and we were able to proceed.
Long story short, she recommended the state minimum of 6-10 counseling sessions. Exactly how many I have to do is up to my new counselor who I see on Thursday.

I have to admit it's a much better outcome than I expected. Not as expensive or time consuming as I had anticipated. I can do a session a week if she's available and I'm up to it.

I'd probably be more relieved and more celebratory if I wasn't dreading my husband coming home this afternoon. I don't know what form he'll appear in when he arrives. Sometimes he thinks things over the next day and apologizes, but that's a rare occurrence. He may just want to drop things, but he could be brooding over it all night or come home ready to pick a fight.

Oh kay.....
Firstly I am glad that your sessions will be doable for you.'
Very happy about that.

secondly, I am very sorry that you are living with this man.
I wish you had some one more nurturing in your life.:(
Do you have any one in your life that you can confide to...be a support person for you?
Friends?
bizi

Kay, :)
I am happy to hear about the "minimum" decision even if you had the added excitement of her not initially having your stuff and of your having to deal with your husband's mood.
:trampoline:




M