friend your input is always valued.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

You didn't say too much BF, thank you for your post :) You were very supportive and helpful.

I called yesterday to make sure that the organization putting on the class had everything they needed from me. I'm good to go.

My husband told me last night that if I don't feel safe that I should tell someone right away... He said that some of the people there may be habitual offenders and/or have other criminal convictions and I should be careful. He said they're scumbags. I can understand that concern, but I'd hope that the organization putting on this class has some screening process in place and have enough personnel to monitor things properly. I wonder how many people will be there? But I have no problem speaking up if I feel physically uncomfortable or threatened.

I'm keeping my debit cards at home, only bringing enough cash for the soda machine (I don't know if I'll be able to get my usual coffee IV), and I'm having them lock up ALL my meds because some people will take anything trying to get high.
All my meds have to be in their original bottles but I'm only bringing enough for the weekend, as they recommended.

I made a list last night of everything I need to take with me (I'm a prolific list maker). I'll go over it again another dozen or so times before I zip up the suitcase though lol.

Class tonight is from 6-9pm.
Tomorrow may be a problem. It's a long day for me... I'll need a lot of caffeine, but I'll manage somehow: 8:30am--12pm, 1-5pm, 6-9pm.
Sunday class is from 8:30am-12pm, 1-3pm and then I get to go home.
There are breaks during the class hours.
I can smoke during breaks, but I'm going to be going through major nicotine withdrawl. I went from 1/2 pack to 2 (or more) when I went through that long stretch of hypo/mania and haven't been able to cut down. Maybe this weekend will be my opportunity to do that.

Curfew is from 11:30pm-6am. I'm sure I'll be in bed before 11:30.
We can use our cell phones, but there are currently unknown restrictions. I told my husband to make sure his ringer is on. I'm sure I'll want to talk to him as much as I can.

I had quite a bit of anxiety this morning, but the Klonopin took care of it. I'm surprised I'm not more freaked out right now knowing I'm diving into this thing in about 6hrs. I've been working on pretending my scar isn't there. And I've decided to tell anyone who asks about it that it's a long story and I don't like to talk about it. If pressed, I will say that it has nothing to do with why I'm there and it's nobody's business. Technically that is true, since I did it when I was stone cold sober.


Maintenance arrived at 8am this morning to take care of my list of grievances. Everything was done half-baked again. I can't be mad at the guy doing the work. He only does what his manager tells him he can do. I just know my husband will NOT be happy when he gets home.
Some work had to be done on the tub and shower, so I can't take a shower until 1. I'm not thrilled about that.

So in the meantime, I'll busy myself with packing what I can and getting my meds in order. My biggest worry is I won't bring the appropriate amount of medication, so I think I'll bring enough for an extra day.

This will be an adventure.

Kay.
Big Props to you for doing this!!!!
I am so proud of you for making this happen. That is a very long day. I am sure it will be grooling to make it thru the day.
I believe in you as You are a very strong woman. You will make this happen and have worked hard to do just that. Just think after this weekend you will have that part behind you. And what a relief that will be.
Take things as they come...
take pride in yourself for coming this far.
((((((HUGS)))))
thanks for taking us on your journey...and for trusting us.
bizi

Thank you so much Bizi :hug:

Kay,

You might find a low number of scum bags -- at least in terms of your expectations. Anyway, you have a good plan to keep your meds.


I would find this two or three nights (is that right?) away rather hard in part because I pack enough stuff for a cross country move.:D

I hope that everything goes well for you. :hug:
Also that is is as much "adventure" as you want -- no more and no less. :heartthrob:

Mari

Wasnt on yesterday so didn't get to say.

I admire you. And you will be fine.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi, Kay,

Welcome home :)

I hope that you are happy and feeling successful.

Did your husband manage ok? :)

M

I took 1mg of Klonopin at 3:30 on Friday and wasn't terribly concerned about the weekend after that, but it didn't help cover for my husband's road rage the whole 2hr drive to the facility.

The location was in a rural area and the building was in an old 1700's highly renovated bed and breakfast. When my husband saw it, he thought it looked very sketchy lol. And asked me if I was sure if I still wanted to go. I offered to have him come in to check the place out before he left me there, but he passed.

It was very comfortable inside and there were only 10 of us because it was Halloween weekend. Apparently they usually get up to 30. I was one of 3 women. I would have had a hard time moving around with 30 people there because some areas were tight and it probably would have greatly added to my anxiety. The stairs were a non-issue.

3 of the men had just gotten their 2nd DUI, one had gotten his 3rd. One young man was there because of driving while on heroin. He told (only me) that he had 6 felony convictions because of heroin, but I was not uncomfortable around him. He was very sad most of the time.

The classes were about alcohol education. I was surprised that what was presented was aimed at moderate drinking and how many drinks were safe to have before getting behind the wheel. I kinda get this because the majority of the people there are going to continue to drink, but almost nothing presented was advocating abstinence.

We had to write about our DUI's and read our stories to the class. Before I read my story, I told the them that they may have questions and they should feel free to ask them when I was done. I admitted I was bipolar and was manic at the time (I left out the s/s attempt). I admitted I was an alcoholic and the relationship between the two. I told my whole story and owned my DUI- bipolar or not. The only question that was asked was "what bizarre things did you say to the cops?" My response was, "since you are only asking that for your own amusement, it's none of your business."

After I told my story, one man told me he was also bipolar, and one of the women told me she has BPD. They both talked about how these things affected their alcohol issues, so being honest touched at least 2 people. I figured the odds were pretty good in a setting like that that at least one other person was bipolar whether they would admit it or not anyway. The same guy who asked about the bizarre comments later told me that he didn't believe in antidepressants and spewed a bunch of other nonsense. I don't bother arguing with those kind of people. I just told him he was ignorant and when he got especially rude I told him to go (expletive) himself. He didn't bring the subject up again, and surprisingly there was no residual tension.

About 2hrs were spent on the subject of denial. More time should have been spent on this subject. I'd say about 4/10 of us (myself included) actually took responsibility for our actions. The rest blamed bad luck or spewed blatant BS. Some of the stories being told while I was outside smoking were focused on drugs and drinking stories and it was clear that most of these people were in denial and didn't get it, but yes, there is such a thing as bad luck and big mistakes and I believe that it happened to 1/10 who was honest.

I am shocked as (expletive) at my behavior. I had to take less Klonopin because of the length of the classes and the MS wall (thank God they had coffee from 6am-9pm), but I wasn't at all uncomfortable being around all those people. I had no trouble speaking up in class and I spoke to EVERYONE on breaks, during meals, and after class. In my interactions with other people, I realized that they had no idea that there was anything wrong with me until I made the disclosure. Even then, they treated me no differently. I have no idea where all that courage came from...

Not one person asked about my scar, although it was being scoped out and it was probably discussed when I wasn't around. But I didn't care.

I'm proud of myself.



I have to pay $100 and get special insurance to satisfy the state of NH which will probably be tricky since I'll be carrying MA insurance because it's my home state (but it can be done) and I can get a clearance letter from NH.

Then I have to present paperwork (including the clearance letter) to MA at a reinstatement hearing at the DMV (really not a big deal) and pay $100 to try to get my license back in MA.
Unfortunately, sometimes MA will independently suspend your license for another year and you have to fight that, but the class I just took should help there. But I may have to hire a lawyer to settle that score. I'd imagine the fee wouldn't be that expensive since they would only be representing me in a DMV hearing.

No matter what, I'm one step closer to getting my license back.

WOW!!!!
You made it thru it!
you did so well standing up for yourself.
good for you!
one thing to cross off your list!
well done!
bizi

you have much courage
 

Kay,

You write beautifully.
I appreciate hearing about how it went and how you handled it.

That would be a hard class to get through -- to write out and read a personal story to a bunch of strangers, listen to their stories, actively participate, listen to what the state had to say. . . .

Continue to feel proud. :heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:
Now you are one huge step closer to getting your license.

Mari