That is how I feel about my husband.

A few times I did give him Benedryl (told him it was aspirin).
It had no affect on him.


M

lol. I love it!

I've given my husband benedryl, but only to put him to sleep. It worked for that.

I talked to my father today and it triggered a lot of bad memories about events leading up to my s/s attempt that he was complicit in. I still have a relationship with him despite it.

I talk to him on the phone regularly, but have only seen him once in the last year even though he lives 15min away. He's going back to FL again. I've been telling him I want to see him before he goes to FL. It's just been excuses, but this time it became clear to me that he just doesn't want to see me. I don't know if it's his wife, guilt, the scar, or what, but it's (expletive) up...

'Tis the season for me to naturally rehash these events, as the s/s attempt was Dec. 23rd. It leaves me wondering why in the hell I want to talk to him, let alone see him...

Our relationship is based on the foundation of my denial. Right now I'm seeing things very clearly and I'm very angry. I'm not so sure that this is a bad thing. I don't know why I'm fighting for this kind of relationship, since it is sickeningly dysfunctional and obviously one-sided.

I feel compelled to call him and tell him to go (expletive) himself and I'm coming to get what's left of my (expletive) out of his house and then be done with him. But I have a tdoc appointment tomorrow. She's actually going to get something out of me this time.

I'm have a feeling I'm going to have to log some serious therapy hours over the next couple of months.

I wrote a much longer post that required some HEAVY editing on my part. I apologize if you had to read it.

yes I am glad that you got this out.
I am leaving to go to work and will respond more later.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you Bizi :hug:

I thought I'd write a couple of positive things:

The cats and I enjoyed the game last night... Another nail-biter, but I had to record the end of it because it went long and I started falling asleep. I watched the end this morning and my team won.

My jacket arrived today and thank God it fits!!! :)
I'll have enough room in there with my heaviest sweatshirt and then some.
One less thing to worry about.

Kay! :hug::hug::hug:

Great news about the jacket fitting you, even with your sweatshirt.

M

Just getting back to your thread.....
It is hard to let go of a family member...he is your only Dad.
I hear your ambivalence.
Thank you for sharing.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I don't know if I can let go.

I see pdoc today. I had copied and pasted the original post to a friend in an email. I will bring that, and another long vent I sent to her to my appointment. I think it will help a lot. I'm sure tdoc will have some questions, maybe will draw more out. Hopefully I'll be able to release some of my anger so I can better enjoy my Thanksgiving.

I'm mostly angry. But also sad that he is like he is, did the things he did, does the things he does.

is it your tdoc or pdoc? that you are seeing?
good luck either way.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

It's my therapist. And it's VERY GOOD TIMING...

My father called me a couple of hours ago out of the blue and asked if he could come over. I said yes.

It was awkward. There was some light conversation. It got heavier when he talked about his financial troubles. And then he hit me with "I came to say goodbye, I'm not coming back." He has no immediate health threats but has been in a deep depression for months. I asked him if he was planning to do something to himself and he hung his head.

I said what one would normally say in this situation, but I have more obviously have more input. I told him I had to relive what I did everyday, but I got a second chance and now that my meds were straight I feel better than I have in over 10yrs. He just needs to ask for help and he can feel better soon, too.

The conversation obviously went further, but he eventually dismissed the topic. I forgot to ask if he had a plan.

I'm in a unique position because his wife and I hate each other. If I call her and tell her or leave her a message about what he said, she won't believe me, will call me crazy, and God knows what else. If I relay the information to someone else the result will be the same because I'm still the source of the information.

My father used to own a gun. Then he got rid of it. But I think he bought a new one later. I sent a text to my brother (who I don't talk to) asking if, to his knowledge, my dad still has a gun. I'm waiting to hear back. He may not answer me.

I told my good aunt. But he doesn't speak to her. Neither does his wife. I could tell the bad aunt, but she would make a mess of things by getting hysterical.

My dad may have been being melodramatic, but I have to take this seriously. I think I'm going to have to suck it up and call his ***** wife or tell the bad aunt.
Maybe he's having a problem dealing with the guilt of last year's events. I don't know.

I'm obviously going to have to talk this out with my therapist today.