that is so awful. how are you feeling?
bobby

I am anxious and stressed out. In addition to disturbing psych symptoms breaking through my regular meds because the anniversary of my s/s attempt is coming up, I've been worrying about my father, and have a couple of my own health concerns to deal with. I simply don't need this right now.

I don't deal well when I'm ill-informed. It drives up my anxiety. And I don't know what to expect when I hear from these people tomorrow. I don't know if they will:

- Try to schedule me for a $200 substance abuse evaluation
- Try to base service recommendations solely on the instructor's notes
- Call me in for the exit interview I was robbed of
- Conduct that interview over the phone, or
- Do something that I can't anticipate.

I could be facing 6mo or more of counseling, and the accompanying costs, but hopefully less since I've been voluntarily sober since July 20th if they believe me. No matter what, I'll likely be without my license for a long time.

I'm seriously worried I may be in contempt of court since I lied at the intake (and I also test well) and therefore they found me not to be at risk of having a substance abuse disorder, yet I admitted to being an alcoholic during the driving class- and there's a paper trail.
I can explain it by way of my second hospitalization this year and involvement in AA there, but I'd rather not have to do it in court- thank you very much.

I've been back and forth with being overwhelmed by the whole process of getting my license back for quite a while...
Then one day I'm celebrating because I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the next, this pops up to black it all out.

This is just too much for me to absorb. It's really testing my limits.

i hate to write this but try to hang in. it is so very difficult. are you thinking the worse case scenario instead of just waiting to see. I am very big on control issues and try to find out all i can so i can't just hang in
bobby

Kay,

It seems that you are doing a lot.
Can you consider letting NAMI connect you with a lawyer for a consult?

You might benefit from letting someone else in on this.

M

I like mari's suggestion.
great idea.
rooting for you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Kay,

This is important to you, clearly.

Keep focusing on what helps you feel safe.

M

Thank you all :grouphug:

Like Bobby, I have control issues. The better informed I am, the better I feel and the better I function. I will be much better off once this phone call is out of the way and I get a better idea of what's going to happen.
Then I will be able to act upon whatever situation I find myself in.

What worries me the most is the impact this will have on our finances, but of course the legal ramifications are also a big concern.

I've read the NH DUI laws several times. They are very strict. Drunk.org is bound by the law to re-evaluate people after the driving class if there is a concern they are at risk for substance abuse problems, but the "service plan" is up to their discretion. They won't be handing me a free pass, and I don't have any leverage at this point.

A lawyer can't help me unless I'm actually held in contempt of court, drunk.org decides to dump extra "aftercare" on me after I finish the counseling they recommended (I can request a hearing), or if MA tries to take my license away for another year at the end of all of this (I can request a hearing).

Yesterday I ended up taking 2mg of klonopin with the 100mg of seroquel. My anxiety was so high it wasn't sedating. No, I'm not showing any signs of hypomania.
The good news is the ugly imagery and intrusive thoughts still haven't come back since I increased the seroquel to 100mg.

This is all good old fashioned anxiety.

I have to have a $200- substance abuse evaluation on January 5th.
It's going to take 1 1/2hrs and I have to have a 30min follow up appointment 2 weeks later to find out how much counseling I need, and that will cost me another $60.

I'm going to be assigned a case manager who will help me find an approved counselor in my area. I have to check in with my case manager twice a month by phone at a cost of $60/mo. That doesn't include the cost of the sessions or the out-of-state fee.

I apologized for my behavior on the phone the other day (I spoke to the same woman). And said that I had done some research on the subject and better understood what was going on, that it is the law, but wished I had the opportunity to find this out much sooner... that I was never given an exit interview and the instructor never mentioned a word about it to me. She said she thought I was handling the whole situation very well given the circumstances. I also told her I quit drinking in July. She seemed pleased by my reaction to everything and said she would be leaving all these positive notes for my evaluator.

I figure I'm stuck in this situation, so I'm better off just accepting it (at least for the present). I doubt being a ***** is going to work in my favor here.

I'll wait until after I figure out how much counseling they heap on me, how long it's going to take, and how much it's going to cost before I start to flip out again if I can help it.

As far as I can tell, I'm not in danger of being in contempt of court.

Kay,

That was a productive phone call.

You are doing well by not flipping out.

M

I'm still very upset about this whole situation, but I can better manage my anxiety now because I have a better understanding of what to expect and what's expected of me, to a point.

I'll probably freak out in the 2 weeks between the time I have the evaluation and the follow up appointment when I find out how much counseling they recommend though. It's a long time to wait and I will have zero information to work with, and zero control.

It sucks that I have to wait until Jan. 5th for the first appointment. It's yet another delay, but it's probably for the best. It will be good to keep this at a distance while I focus on other more pressing matters.

I'm constantly re-framing situations in my mind, and trying desperately to redirect myself to manage my anxiety and deal with stress. I think it's been working for me- to a degree.

1mg klonopin this morning vs. 2mg since Wednesday (along with the 100mg of seroquel). That's an improvement.