Glad that you showed restraint.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

It is so cool that you are driving yourself to shop and such.:)
You have your independence/freedom back.


M

There are signs I may be hypo, especially an increase in activity. I have the opportunity to leave the apartment now and I'm capitalizing on it, and I've been more active at home. I've been overexerting myself and MS has my body screaming at me now. I'm exhausted and that makes it hard to figure out what's going on. I'm out of it and need a nap (it's before noon), but will probably have to take a klonopin to make that happen, and I guess that's what I'll end up doing.

I pushed it so hard that it's going to take me several days to undo the damage I did to my body… that makes a good case for hypomania because I took on way too much. Hopefully by the time my convalescence is over the hypo-like symptoms will be gone.

It is good that you are so self aware.
keep us posted.
thank you for sharing.
bizi

My husband was on call last week. He's always anxious and in a bad mood when he is. It was particularly bad this time. He has been admitting he has been having anxiety attacks. A lot of the problem is he can't drink when he's on call. He got called out on a job yesterday and freaked out. He needs to address his anxiety, but last night was not the right time to talk about it. Tonight I will say, "Your anxiety has been a lot worse lately. If you want to talk to somebody about it, or you're interested in trying meds, let me know and I'll make an appointment for you. I don't want to upset you, so I won't mention it again."

Because he gets so worried about getting a call when he's going on errands, it makes his anxiety 100x worse. So, I went to the supermarket and to get the cat litter myself. He seemed genuinely upset he couldn't go. That's how I figured out he just wanted to help me…

Before we separated (after 8yrs of marriage), he did nothing to help me aside from taking out the trash and carrying in the heavy grocery bags. We didn't spend much time together outside the house because he never wanted to go anywhere. During the time I was without my license, he ran errands with me and I think he finally realized I'm handicapped (lol) and feels guilty because he should have helped me more…

So, now I guess he realizes I need some help sometimes and he wants to be the one to help me :)
But he's still controlling in other ways, for other reasons.

When he was having an anxiety attack, part of me wanted to ask him how it felt to walk in my shoes (at least on the tip of the toes) for a while because of his attitude towards my mental illness. I know that's cruel, I would never say that, but the thought crossed my mind.

I am glad that he seems to have a better understanding of your condition.
sorry he is experiencing this anxiety. Good luck with talking to him about it.
bizi

He came home from work feeling terrible. He never feels well. I told him that untreated anxiety and/or depression can tear your body down and make you feel like ****. He repeatedly refuses to go to a doctor for his any of his physical symptoms, and did not appreciate my suggestion last night that he see someone from psych. I told him the offer still stands if he ever changes his mind.

I can tell you that if I behaved way he does in response to my anxiety or other symptoms, it would NOT go over well. I have to do my best to hide my symptoms and try not to appear to be in a bad mood.

I see my tdoc today at 9am. I think it's a good day for it. I have plenty of material.

I am going to the club afterwards for lunch. No excuses. I do feel strange about it because I haven't been in so long, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

Between seeing my therapist and talking to other members at the club, I'll be able to tell if I'm hypo or not. If I am, I'll be talking ragtime, and that's one of my tells. That symptom isn't present/noticeable at home unless I'm really high.

I can say with 100% certainty that I'm not hypomanic. I think I was so active because having my license back is new to me and I was excited to get out. I need to better manage housework and running errands while keeping my limitations in mind. I think my desire to buy things stems from the fact that when I get out of the house most of the places I go are stores. I've managed to restrain myself aside from the jeans I bought, but those were really needed.

I did go to the club yesterday. I was off, and it didn't go unnoticed. I don't remember the last time I was like that around people other than my husband or doctors. There was no inquisition, but I noticed I was getting more guidance. I usually work in the kitchen, but the director decided I should be oriented to the business unit. I think I'll ultimately end up in the kitchen because that's where I'm comfortable though.
I had lunch (a beautiful salad) and went on my way. I only stayed for about 2 hours. I didn't socialize much. I may go again later in the week so I stay in the habit of going.

I didn't find yesterday morning's therapy session very therapeutic. My tdoc was running behind, was disheveled and frustrating. I felt rushed so I was not exactly in the sharing mood. I felt like I was just giving her Cliff Notes. She's very nice, but I'm not in a hurry to go back. I said I would make appointments on an "as needed" basis.

We were at the bottom of the last candle I made. So when I got home from the club, I used up the last 4 lbs of wax I had and made 3 more candles. I had to combine 2 different kinds of wax and was unsure how that would work out, but they turned out great even though they required topping off. I tried to make them purple by mixing pink and blue dye, but I just ended up with a new shade of pink. They should last us a while.

I got an email from my auto insurance company yesterday with our direct withdrawal schedule and was absolutely horrified. They snuck in a roughly $620 payment for next month!!! Then our payments go back down to about $155. I still haven't received anything in my mailbox about it, and I have nothing to explain how/why they break down the payments this way. I'm going to call my insurance agent to see if there's any way to spread that payment out, but I doubt I'll get anywhere. This saga is ****ing never ending!!!

I had to tell my husband, and of course he ****ing flipped out. We are struggling financially (it's not just the DUI) and this is the last thing we need. We are continuing to eat into savings. I feel terrible. This is just going to continue to haunt us.

I'm staying inside today. The temperature is going to exceed 90 degrees and it's just too hot for me to go out. It's supposed to be in the high 80s Thursday and Friday, then back over 90 again on Saturday before it cools off Monday.

I called my insurance agent. She contacted the insurance company and was able to get the payments restructured for me… about $315/mo for 3 months instead of paying over $600 next month. I guess you never know unless you ask :)

My husband should be pleased.

that is great
bobby