Whoops! Yes, I meant 2014.

I got my driving record in the mail yesterday!!! I was so happy when I saw the envelope!!! :):):)
They only sent me one copy, but that was easily resolved with a phone call. They're sending the second one right out.

I'm still happy, but someone is seriously raining on my parade…

My husband and I got in a fight last night. He made it clear that he's not happy at the prospect of me driving again. He said he doesn't know what I "think" I'll be doing when he's at work and doesn't like the idea of me going out without him, "not because of (me), but because of other people." It's all about control and I think that he wants to punish me for our prior separation. When I told him I served my time and can't continue to live like this, he said I deserve to. Apparently he thinks the court let me off easy: 9 months, but they would have suspended 6 months of it if I completed the program in 3. I haven't driven in about 15 months, and tomorrow I will be 9 months sober. In case you don't remember, he is a severe alcoholic.

He also said he's tired of taking me "everywhere" (I can understand his past frustration but it's only been trips to CVS in many, many months) and he isn't happy about having to take me to the DMV, which is an absurd argument since when I get my license back, he's off the hook because I can drive myself everywhere. I told him if it's such a ****ing issue we'll just have to cough up the $100+ so I can take a cab.
He became conciliatory and said he would speak to his boss today and ask for next Monday or Tuesday off, but if he doesn't do that today I'm going to hit the ****ing roof… I can get in a cab tomorrow and take care of this myself. It might **** him off, but it won't inconvenience him.

I have been through a lot so far trying to get my license back, and getting my driving record yesterday was a pretty big deal because it means I'm finally ready to start the DMV process, and he pretty much ruined that for me. Problems in our relationship resurfaced during that argument that need to be dealt with, that he can't/won't deal with, and I'm sure they are going to become an issue when I do start driving again… something to look forward to. Somehow I'm feeling less celebratory.

I'm not in the mood to go to the club today. Maybe I'll go tomorrow.
I wonder if he's concerned I might hook up with some guy there? If he visited, he would no longer be concerned, but I doubt he'd go. He would be very uncomfortable if he went anyway.

you could suggest that he come along, is it open on the weekend?
bizi

My husband said he couldn't get Monday or Tuesday off to take me to the DMV because his boss had booked him on a big job those days, but would try to see if he could get Wednesday off. I don't know why he didn't ask when he was in this boss's office. He won't call to ask for a day off for some reason and will wait until he's in the office again (whenever that is). I was ******. I brought up the cab again, so he got ******. The most impatient man in the world doesn't understand why I'm in such a rush to get my license back, and he's even suspicious of it.

That sparked a worse fight. He's a beer drinker, but drank over 1/2 bottle of vodka last night. He was out of control and got absolutely vicious. He threw everything at me and he has plenty of material, so do I, but it's just too dangerous to try to use. I made the mistakes of 1) trying to defend myself and 2) walking away instead of just sitting there and taking it like usual which made matters worse. Fortunately the fight didn't last too long because he didn't get home until around 4 and drank all the booze so fast he passed out just after 6:30, but plenty of damage was done.

I'm left in a familiar situation: I'm going to feel sick all day dreading him coming come because I don't know what to expect. I always wait for him to talk about it first which is an extremely uncomfortable wait. His behavior last night was not acceptable. There's nothing of significance I can offer at this point that won't spark another fight. If he's looking for an apology, he'll be disappointed because I did nothing wrong and I refuse give him one to appease him this time.

Somehow I doubt he's going to be taking a day off to take me to the DMV, but I have bigger problems than that at this point.

I was considering going to the club, but I think that would anger him. He clearly prefers his bird in its cage. I shouldn't go until I'm sure he's calmed down.

Before things got heated, I told him if he was concerned about the club, he should visit and he would no longer be concerned. He said he wasn't worried about it (a lie). It is open on weekends, but he won't go because he's not comfortable with mental illness. He doesn't like me to refer to myself as mentally ill and isn't comfortable talking about anything besides the basics like med changes or if I'm having an episode. He's aware that some of the members there suffer from moderate to severe disability due to mental illness and he wouldn't be comfortable around them because of that.

He talks constantly about his suffering and tells me to try to put myself in his shoes and I try, I really do. But I'm not allowed to bring up my bipolar disorder at all without him erupting because he feels the fallout has hurt and maligned him worse and it's not an excuse. He feels the same way about the MS, although he doesn't lose his temper over it because he knows that I can't help that, but he thinks I can control my bipolar disorder.

I hope there is peace soon. I have been stable for a while now, but I don't know how long I can endure this kind of agitation without it jeopardizing that. I am brittle.

Is he mentally ill besides being an alcoholic...I can't believe i just wrote that.
It sounds as if he needs help so badly that he is destroying the two of you.
you said he has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to play with the cats and loves his job but where does dr jekel come from. it sounds as if you are always walking on a tight walk wire. he sounds insanely jealous. has he always been like that. I know it freaks me out when people won't accept that i am bipolar and it brings issues that are out of my control no matter how hard i try to control them. it just makes them worse because they get stored up. why can't they understand? You said he has work buddies. He isn't totally dependent on you.
Can you love somebody too much?
Love
bobby
I can't believe i wrote this....but i am bipolar

oh kay,
thank you for sharing, I hope it helps to get it out...here. where it is safe.
We care about you and I want you to be safe and not abused.
This sounds like abuse to me.
feeling very sorry for you today.:(
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

You didn't write anything wrong at all Bobby. It was a reasonable response for anyone to make. Thank you. :hug::hug::hug:

I think he has something besides alcoholism going on. I don't know what. Hard to tell with all the alcohol. Definitely an anxiety disorder though and I think that's where some of the milder outbursts come from. He needs to see someone but won't. I got him to go once after I was dx with MS. He went to 1 tdoc appointment and to the pdoc twice and stopped. I mentioned him going again about a year ago… bad idea. He would ****ing flip out if I ever suggested it again.

He has work friends. He doesn't see them out of work, but calls and texts one of them a lot. He does not love his job. He mostly comes home railing about it, but he has some good days here and there.

Between his drinking, temper, and sometimes controlling behavior, he's starting to remind me of my father. My father is much, much worse, but it took him practice to get him to where he is. I don't like this feeling at all.

I forgot to mention I'm 9 months sober today.

Sending you some gentle hugs. Hoping he is in a better mood tonight.

9 months sober is fantastic. Keep up the good work.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Thank you ladies :group hug:

It does feel better to get it out Bizi :hug:

I just reread my last 2 posts and was surprised I didn't even mention my husband clogged the toilet yesterday and when I woke up to pee the toilet overflowed when I flushed it, so I had to sop up all the water and bleach the toilet and floor before 6am. I decided to bleach out the rest of the bathroom later so I could cross that off my list of things to do.

I kept myself busy in other ways, too. My big project was cleaning the car. It hadn't been cleaned in about 2 yrs so it was disgusting! I had a hard time because the dash is textured so it's not perfect, but the difference is amazing! That killed about 2hrs.

When my husband came home he started talking to me immediately in a friendly way. It was clear that he wanted to pretend the fight never happened. I let it go, having no desire to perpetuate any kind of argument. 10 minutes in, he said, "It's official, I have Wednesday off." I thanked him. Obviously he was sorry but was not going to own up to it.

I did ask him how he felt because of how much he drank. In a neutral way I worked in the amount of vodka he drank and how quickly he drank it, but I did say, "You did a lot of damage in less than 3 hours." He said he felt okay, but was shocked when he woke up and saw the bottle in the morning. I left it at that. Later I mentioned in conversation I was 9 months sober. He was unresponsive to that.

When he wen to bed, he said goodnight and gave me a kiss. He also did something a little different… he took hold of my wrist and gave it a little squeeze. I took it as a little I'm sorry/I love you/thank you for letting me off the hook kind of thing.

I'm sure that there are plenty of women who would disagree with my handling of the situation, and would argue that I should have pushed to resolve the issues instead of ignoring them, but I'm just glad that there is peace again. I'm a big fan of denial in general.

I'm considering going to the club today, but haven't gotten into the shower yet. I'm trying to decide if it's too late to get going or not.

I believe in keeping peace too, when jeff bought another guitar ($6,500)without consulting me, I was mad and confronted him. but then let it drop.
He admitted being wrong, I just wanted to hear him say it. And let it drop, guitar has been bought, what more is there to say?
bizi:(

Kay,
I am a big fan of peace :)

You sound better today and that is what is important.


M