My therapist of 10yrs left to go to another practice over a year ago.

I have a new therapist, but so much has gone on in the last year we focus on the present. The problem is so much stuff makes reference to the past or relates to past trauma, but I don't have the time or energy to get into it. I have a lot of locked doors. And I don't go often either. She never gets up to speed. I have an appointment the 25th though.

It hurts to lose someone you have been with for so long....((((HUGS))))

Kay, just a thought. Is there a way you could journal your past/history.. high lighting areas of importance, you could write it in a word document. Try to just get the facts down. And then get it to her, maybe send it to her to read before your next visit???? or just bring it in and let her read it or you read it to her, something for you to hold onto while you tell your story.
Just a thought....
I don't know....I have brought in stuff for my pdoc before that was insightful.
sorry it is so hard for you.
On a similar note:
I have a medical history Page that I have saved to word with all of my info, contact info, chronologically listed facts, hospitalization dates stuff like that... that I bring with me to new doctor visits to refer back to in case I need info and can't remember it.
latest lab results dates of mammo, pap etc. I keep it on my desk top and add to it when something occurs, new doctor appointment dates etc.
This works for me. Oh I need to update my latest med changes!
bizi

I have a med list on my desktop and keep 2 updated copies in my purse. I always give the MDs a copy to hold onto at appointments. I usually do well with the med hx.

I've tried to write down specifics related to my family and childhood before... it gets so twisted up and it's like a saga. It's hard for me to write clearly, never mind explain clearly. It kinda has to be drawn out slowly in pieces. I have to stop and start because I'll start explaining something but it needs another backstory. It's a mess, and it is not a pleasant place to revisit.

Now is not the time at any rate. The s/s attempt was 12/23 last year. I have a feeling I'll be spending some time on the SOS forum soon.

I'm laying low at home for the holidays. I have unresolved issues with a couple of family members. My goal is to stay safe, stay stable, and stay sober through 2016 and beyond.

sometimes i think it is better to try to dig up good memories since the bad ones are so painful and really can't be repressed unless you are a master of denial.
bobby

I do denial pretty damn well at times. But I do still have good memories and try to focus on those when they surface.

sorry if I caused you any grief my dear...did not mean to.
are you particularly sad around the holidays...alot of people are.
Maybe it is the anniversary date that will be hard for you?
sorry you have issues with some of your family.
IT is probably a mixture of all of the above....
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

The older of my two brothers has told my sister and me that the younger brother is trying too hard to "fill a hole" and that filling the hole only makes the hole bigger and focuses on the past and that there is in fact no hole.
(It is psychobabble nonsense that he misheard perhaps.)


I realized that he has found a way to live with the past --- by doing his version of living in the present.


Or, more likely, by deciding to stop thinking about the past.

It seems to work for him as long as you can ignore his anger and sel-righteousness.

M

It is extraordinarily hard to find any good ones, esp if I have to sort through scores of bad ones tinged with various versions of craziness.

Honest to god, the good memories are ones of me by myself. . . . sometimes they are of me playing my piano or walking in the woods, or cooking blackberry cobbler for everyone else while I was home alone, . . . of reading all of Ulysses on the beach one summer between college semesters just for fun, of writing in my diary when I was in grade school/middle school . . . . at 16 yrs old of driving across the county to teach piano lessons to the kids of a wealthy family and of also getting get paid to read to their blind grandmother.

I liked "working" in the public library when I was 15.
I was actually volunteering because I was too young to get paid and because Mom inisisted that I be gone for parts of the day because she did not want me around the house during the summer.
But Mom and I had a few fights about transportation until I was finally 16 and had the use of a car so the library is only a "medium" happy memory.

I remember a high school boyfriend fondly. We did not break up. We said goodbye when my family moved four states away.


M

I am glad that you have some good memories to hold onto.
((((HUGS)))
bizi

Bizi, You never upset me

The first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mother and grammy were horrible. I miss them and the rest of my lost loved ones during the holidays, but not to the point where my holidays have been filled with sadness. I have a lot of good memories of the holidays when my family members were on their best behavior, and they surface then.

Last year I was so out of it, I was mostly unaware of the upcoming holidays. When I was alone at my dad's I remember buying Christmas gifts for my nephews and getting a card in the mail from my aunt- that is it. The timing of my s/s attempt had nothing to do with the holidays. It could have been the fourth of July and I wouldn't have known the difference.
I don't remember anything about the holidays themselves because I was GONE at that point.

I'm avoiding the holidays because of the family members I need to avoid. They've had almost a year to try to reach out to me in a meaningful way and they have not. I'm not the type of person who deals well with pretending everything's okay. They don't deserve it, and I don't need to expose myself to a toxic environment.

I know that things are going to get difficult because the anniversary of the s/s attempt is coming up. I was highly paranoid, but there were a lot of (expletived) up REAL events that pushed me over the edge, and they're already on my mind making me angry...
My husband HATES, ABSOLUTELY HATES most of my family, and especially my father, his wife and her family mostly (but not in all cases) because of the events leading up to my s/s attempt. And, as I said, I have my own unresolved issues and alluded to some hatred of my own...

Last night I told my husband that the best thing we can do is to NOT discuss any of these people or events. He needs to avoid going on any tirades, and he needs to help redirect me if I start. It can only fuel the fire.
I also need to suck it up and add in a couple extra therapy appointments.

If I need to get it all out, I can go to the SOS forum.