what stress you are going through. you sound so stable/ i know this sounds stupid but you can only do what you can only do.
bobby

My aunt called my father's wife yesterday and left a message. No call back yet. I'm hoping it's because the ***** was still driving and didn't regard the call as urgent. My aunt's back to work today, and she'll be unable to answer the phone and talk if she gets a call while she's working. My aunt thinks her call will be returned. I'm not so sure. The ***** will likely expect some nefarious motive for the call, and perhaps have my father return the call instead.

There is no one else in my family who cares enough to get involved with the exception of my other aunt, but my father and his wife won't speak to her over something petty and childish.

I've decided that if my aunt can't get my dad's wife to call her back, I will call her myself. The best thing I could hope for is for the call to go straight to voicemail right away and leave as much as I can in the form of a message appealing to her love for my father. If she did answer the phone, she'd likely berate me with burning insults and swears and hang up. If she did, I would keep calling and swallow the insults repeatedly if she wouldn't let me speak- until she stopped answering and I could leave the message.

This isn't solely about concerns about my father. It stirs up memories and feelings about my s/s attempt and the events leading up to it at a time when I'm already vulnerable, but denial is preventing me from viewing my father from being the villain in any way. It's about him, but it's about me, but it's because everything I went through that I have a greater sense of urgency to do everything I can to try to keep him safe. It's a mind ****.

I'm starting to show cracks now...
I've started to have intrusive thoughts again, I'm experiencing unpleasant imagery (especially troubling), and have been having some skipping, racy thoughts (hopefully due to anxiety).

There hasn't been any increase in energy or decreased need for sleep. And I don't experience OCD symptoms during hypomania. I'm not showing any overt symptoms of depression either. I think all my symptoms are due to anxiety, but I feel like these things are signaling that my stability is in jeopardy.

When I started taking Seroquel it was pretty effective in controlling the intrusive thoughts and unpleasant imagery...

When I was really struggling with GAD, pdoc was talking about 50-100mg of Seroquel w/wo the Klonopin. I just took 50mg of Seroquel on top of 1.5mg of Klonopin to see if it helps with the imagery or intrusive thoughts.

I see her Wednesday. We'll probably be back to weekly or biweekly appointments again to monitor things closely
I'm going to start documenting things again. If I do swing, both Seroquel and Neurontin can be lowered or raised as needed.

Other concerns have faded, but they're still there. Just off in a far corner of my mind.

hi kay,
I had company for dinner,
just getting on line tonight.
It sounds like you have a lot on your mind.
This is important stuff you are dealing with.
I hope that you can just leave a message too.
Good that you will be documenting things...
here is to a safe journey....
Be very careful with your fragile self.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Kay,

Your posts are measured.

Yet what you write about are things beyond anything someone should have to deal with.

I am sorry for the disturbing "meeting" with your father.
I am sorry that you are dealing with that responsibly by calling your aunt and
preparing to call the wife if need be.
Use all your tools for good care -- Seroquel, Klonopin, weekly appts pdoc, self-documenting.

I want good things for you.

M

Thank you ladies

Adding the 50mg of Seroquel helped... No ugly imagery after that, but the intrusive thoughts are still there. It takes a lot to manage OCD symptoms and that's probably why I didn't see any changes to in the intrusive thought dept. I took 50mg Seroquel again today, hoping it helps again.
I'm not going to 100mg of Seroquel until I speak to pdoc. I'm afraid 100mg might bring me down and I certainly don't need that. I was wrong about the appt- it isn't until Friday, but I can hang in there.

I'm more anxious today. I think it's because a second call from my aunt to the ***** went unanswered and un-returned, and I know I'm probably going to have to call her myself. I'll consult my aunt again tonight, maybe tell her to leave a message saying that it's regarding my father's health/mental health and well-being and it's urgent she call back. Maybe that will make a difference and her call will be returned. "Hey, what's up?" ain't gonna do it.

I've been having other issues that I've chosen to keep private, and yesterday I found more on my already full plate.

I know I'm still stable because I'm still able to work through all of this with my best coping skills- using logic, denial, and data. Whatever works.

Kay,



Any chance that email or snail mail or texting to the wife would work? I am guessing that it would not and that you already thought of that
Can you have the cops do a wellness check of your father now?

Sorry to hear that you have issues and that the plate is full.

Focus on your own stability.

Logic, denial, data --- they can work.

M

My aunt left word in both messages that she wanted to talk about my father's health, still no response.

I haven't spoken to my dad since Thanksgiving. He should be starting to settle in FL by now. I'm going to give him a call tomorrow to see how he's doing. I don't know how much talking he'll do since when they're down there there's often not much physical separation between the two of them.

Every time I think about the possibility of having to exchange words with that ***** it makes me feel physically ill. I don't want to expose myself to that, but the issue is too important to be dismissed or delayed...
I never thought of email, Mari. Thank you. I think it's probably the best route to take. I can easily get my hands on her email address.

I just hope she will do what she can to help him, and restrict any communication to that and that alone.

I just spoke to my father. He just arrived in Florida, but his wife has already made him an appointment to see his psychiatrist for tomorrow
I cannot tell you how relieved I am.
She obviously doesn't need me to intervene.

I thanked him profusely for going and told him how happy I was that he made that decision.
I asked him to be honest about his behaviors: the excess spending, excess energy, inability to sleep, alcoholism, periods of depression (I left out psychosis and grandiosity among others). He got angry with me and said he would tell them what he wanted to. He's a stubborn SOB. I said I understood, but it was important to be honest because he needs to be on the right medication, and nobody understands that better than me.
He used his usual dismissive defense mechanism when he knows I'm right about medical-related issues and doesn't want to hear it, "That's enough Dr. (my maiden name)."
I told him how worried I had been about him, and that the calls from my aunt to his wife were at my behest. I said I knew that contacting his wife directly would be bad for everyone. He said she never would return a call from my aunt.
I told him I'm always here when he needs to talk, and again how much I love him.
I really do think that what I said to him when he came over helped because he had been so resistant to any kind of help for so long before that.

This is a much needed weight off my chest- at least temporarily. I hope that my father is honest and is compliant with whatever his psychiatrist recommends. Above all else, I want him to be safe.


That little bit of 50mg of Seroquel has been keeping the ugly images away since I've added it The intrusive thoughts are still there. I'm going to have to deal with them.

Seroquel has been a good drug for me.

I hope my anxiety will improve a little since my dad is getting help.