I'm a huge Colts fan, I loved their game yesterday. I think playing knowing
the odds were against them getting in the playoffs made them even
better. My son's special olympic team had won 10 tickets to the game.

It was so nice to see so many of the kids that love the colts get to go.

Derrick didn't mind not being in the group he isn't much of a ball game watcher.

Donna

I have no idea why my husband was in a such good mood this weekend Bizi. I wish I did so I could replicate the circumstances He was in a pretty bad mood when he got home from work yesterday. He was here for 5min before I had to pop a klonopin.

Donna, it was good to see the Colts finish on a high note. It's nice that the team has extended coach Pagano's contract- the players love him. Because of how the team finished (8-8), the word was he was on his way out (along with a lot of other coaches in the NFL).

A student did my ultrasound yesterday… she couldn't find my right ovary lol. So the instructor came in to finish it…
I asked about the size of the cyst on my right ovary and it did shrink!!! I have one developing on my left ovary, but it's not funky. The instructor asked me if I have endometriosis and if I have a lot of pain, but I didn't ask why. Maybe something was easier to see this time around because I wasn't constipated like last time. I wasn't going to get into it with her in any depth because she's not a doctor and I don't need anything else to worry about right now. My GYN already thinks I have endometriosis and I'll discuss it with her. I was just concerned about the size of that cyst. I'm relieved. One less thing to worry about

It's funny but almost immediately, my attention turned to the substance abuse evaluation I'm having on Monday. It just hit me that it's at 3pm. While it's convenient because my husband won't have to take a full day off, it's absolutely the worst time of day for me because of the MS. How off I am is like a crap shoot. Increasing my coffee intake will help, but I won't be at my best, and I won't be able to take any klonopin. I'm going to have to explain to them that it's nap time (really nap time + anxiety time).

Because I won't be at my best, I'm trying to prepare myself. I've started putting pieces together in my head because I know they're not just going to ask me about recent events. I want to minimize things without being too evasive and it helps to get things straight beforehand. I'll probably write out a timeline (for personal use of course).

I have a letter from pdoc to bring to my appointment. Tdoc said she would write me one as well. She said she would send it to me, but it hasn't arrived yet. I'm going to call her today in hopes she can get it to me by Saturday. I want them to know I discuss my drinking in therapy. They already know I'm bipolar, but those letters should at least help off-set any extra sessions mandated because I suffer from a mental illness.

I'm impressed by how well I compartmentalized… I only worried about the cyst, and as soon as that worry was over, I moved onto the evaluation.

I'm going to try not to make a big deal out of this. A big build up is just going to sabotage me for the appointment because I can't take any klonopin. I'm trying to view this as a conversation with an acquaintance- someone you can talk to easily, but don't want to reveal too many personal details to.

I am not even going to think about the results of the appointment… just a conversation with a friend for now, right?

sounds like a good plan....why couldn't you take an extra klonipin before you go?
bizi

Kay

I'm glad your cyst on the ovary has shrunk. A few years ago I had
both my ovaries removed because of a cyst.

Donna

Hi, Kay,

Right. Keep the timeline in your purse or, better, at home.


M

Donna, I'm so sorry you had to have your ovaries removed I was a little worried about that myself. I've had a lot of cysts in the past and will keep getting them. I had one burst and it was very painful, but otherwise they really haven't been much trouble.

Bizi, around 2pm everyday the "MS Wall" hits me. I get extremely fatigued and my cognitive problems get worse. I can either take a nap or try to fight it off with a couple more cups of coffee (I drink up to 6 cups of coffee a day). Taking 1/2mg of klonopin in the afternoon is like taking 2mg unless my anxiety is really sky-high. Even if I needed the klonopin and took it, they would probably think I was on drugs, and I can't go to a substance abuse evaluation like that. If I'm having a particularly bad day they might think I'm on drugs anyway. I'm going to try to at least lay down before the appointment.
You know how doctors have those 24hr cancellation policies? When I was driving, all my doctors understood that it wasn't safe for me to drive if I was having a bad day. If I couldn't make it to an appointment, they would waive the fee. It's not an issue right now since I've been taking cabs.

I spoke to tdoc yesterday about the letter. She started to ask me about what she should write then stopped me. I think that she's going to say something to the effect of I should be seeing a therapist for my bipolar disorder instead of going to alcohol abuse counseling… but that's not going to be helpful...
All the state of NH is concerned about is my alcoholism and likelihood to reoffend re: drunk driving. They'll require me to see a counselor who is certified to work specifically with clients who have been convicted of drunk driving. How many appointments depends on what transpires at the eval.
She said she would write the letter and call me today and read it to me so we could discuss changes. All I need her to write is that we discuss my drinking in therapy, what her impressions about my commitment to stop are, and that I am proactive in my mental healthcare- period.

I spoke to my tdoc. The letter she initially wrote made it sound like my treatment for bipolar disorder would be competing with substance abuse counseling… not a good thing...

The rewrite was perfect...

In it she says we discuss my alcohol problems and the repercussions of it in therapy and she fully believes that I am committed to my sobriety.

I should have the letter by Friday.

You can't ask for a better endorsement than that

Kay

It was totally my decision. The ovaries would only in my case cause pregnancy, which I was already done with. I also had my gallbladder out too at same time.
Took forever to get that part done. I chose both ovaries because pregnancy wasn't something for me any more. I was probably between 48 and 50.

I then had breast cancer later. So its been interesting. The menapause
it credited wasn't a problem.

Donna

oh kay, am glad that your tdoc wrote the perfect letter(with help).
good going!
bizi

KAY,

Having that step of getting the letter is a relief.

M