that is a a nightmare. thank goodness banks are good about this

Even though my anxiety is so high, I'm going to have to cut back on the Klonopin because taking 2+mg is making it way too hard to wake up from naps. I'm going to have to limit myself to 1 1/2mg even if it means I'm going to have to suffer a little.

I'm staying in today. It will be a good opportunity to get some housework done and maybe check one or two things off my "moving-soon list".

I hope you have a good day. Going from 2.5mg is a big jump to 1.5mg, you may want to go to 2mg to start for a while unless the 2.5mg was only for a short amount of time, I can't remember.
Good luck getting some of your move list things checked off. Don't tax your self too much.
I hope you have a nice day.
love bizi:hug:

Lately, I've been averaging 1.5-2mg vs. the normal 1mg I always take in the morning. The (2) 2.5mg doses were not business as usual. My script is for 1-3mg a day prn. Because of the nature of my anxiety, my pdoc just wants me to take what I need when I need it. She's not concerned about the ups and downs... right or wrong.

I'm trying really, really trying hard not to search for apartments right now or look at the calendar so I (hopefully) will be less stressed out. I will not have any answers from the 3 leads I have until at least the beginning, maybe the middle, of next month, so I guess that's a more logical time to start looking.

I called and filed a complaint with my bank yesterday about the Dominos charge. We should get the money back in 7-10 business days. It was a small amount of money, so I'm not really worried about it.
I have to go food shopping tomorrow and realized this morning that I need to fill 4 prescriptions by Saturday, and need other things at CVS, so I wish I took out more money.

It's going to be over 95 degrees out today. Usually I would just stay inside, but it's my lottery/coffee day. I'll go out early because according to my weather app it will be 86 degrees by 10am.

I am thinking of you this morning....be careful in the heat!
bizi

By the time I went out to play the lottery and get my coffee yesterday it was 92 degrees and very humid. It was a very short trip out, but enough to drain me. I didn't do anything when I got home, which is okay because I cleaned the cat boxes and bathroom the day before.

I have to go grocery shopping today. It will be in the 80's. Saturday will be in the low 70's, and would be better, but I'm not willing to deal with another weekend ****show again. I'm not picking up a lot because I'm only shopping for a few days because I don't have a lot of cash and hope my debit card will be here soon.

I'm going to try to get out early again... when it will be cooler.

I hope to do some kind of cleaning around here afterwards. I don't know what. I guess it depends on what I'm up for.
I will not do laundry until Monday. I'm ****ing sick of it!!!

You do so much laundry for corey. Has he ever done it himself?????
bizi

Corey never does laundry now. But when I was so manic I was out of my mind and/or had to crawl (ataxia+already being handicapped), couldn't see and had other severe or significant side effects from meds, he had no choice. He only did it every couple of weeks though and I would have to keep washing undies in the sink. But he did it. He also cooked sometimes and drove me to doctor's appointments until it was safe enough for me to take cabs on my own. He was far from happy about any of it tho.

I'm glad I went grocery shopping yesterday. The store was quiet and I breezed right through. But it was very hot out, so I had to make two trips to bring in the perishable items, which wouldn't last trunk because of the heat. I was totally drained by the time I was done. I was ready for my nap by the time I got home around noon. These trips out aren't too bad for me though. I need to build up some tolerance to the heat because I can't hide inside all summer.

I had 4 scripts to pick up, too. I'm running out of the cash I took out before I cancelled my card. I could go to the bank this morning to withdraw more. IDK if I will get going early enough to get there in time tho.

Rocky woke me up at 5 this morning by crawling all over my body, and he is a BIG boy. I turned over into a defensive position on my side, but he wouldn't give up and kept rubbing all over me and gently scratching my face. I guess he was harassing my husband too, and we finally got out of bed at 6 because we had had enough. It is cute/sweet, but really not so much when you're trying to sleep in for once.

rocky sounds so persistently lovable. I annoy my cats!

I hope you are able to make it to the bank. It would make me nervous to not have any cash around for emergencies etc.
sorry about the heat, think it is supposed to rain today for us. did I tell you that it snowed 3 feet where jeffs friends cabin is at 8500 feet elevation in boulder CO????
Texted me photos and it is a winter wonder land there.
Take your day as it comes.
love to you
bizi

Rocky can be very affectionate when he wants to be. He was back at it this morning around 4:30am and I got up around 5:30. Buddy is so affectionate with me it can really get annoying and he's pretty possessive. Dottie spends a lot of time in the bedroom, but she just turns up and either meows at me or head butts me when she wants attention. They all sleep with me when I take a nap. Only Buddy sleeps with us at night... in my crotch lol.

Winter Wonderland my ***! I'm sick of snow! But I hope Jeff is enjoying it :)
We are getting a break from the heat. It's going to be in the 60's to low 70s this week with some rainy days.

I didn't get to the bank yesterday, but things worked out because I got my new debit card in the mail!!! :):):)
My husband will be in NH today, so I will make him buy cartons of cigarettes, saving me a trip, but I won't have to make him withdraw money so I can buy cat food, etc tomorrow.

I slept a lot yesterday. I hope I have more gas in the tank today, not that I plan on doing anything. I decided to give myself the weekend off. Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, aside from buying cat food.

6 hour nap yesterday and was still exhausted. I don't know why I'm especially tired lately. I haven't done anything in DAYS :confused:

I have a lot of things I want to get done, so it's not a good time for me to go through another bout of extreme fatigue. I have a really hard time pulling myself out of these episodes, so I hope this is short-lived.

I absolutely have to go out and buy cat food, but I'm already ready to go back to bed. I'll throw my *** in the shower, and maybe I'll feel more alert. I think hoping to do more when I get home is asking too much today :(

you don't want to order it from chewy.com? it comes so fast

I am sorry kay that you have been so fatigued.....
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I didn't have my debit card in time to order from Chewy.com and ran out of cat food, so I had to go to PetSmart. I'll order from Chewy the next time I need it tho because it's a lot cheaper. I need to buy a cat carrier because Dottie is too fat for hers now, so I checked out their prices... very good.

I was so tired yesterday I didn't take my morning meds until I got home from running errands around noon. I know I can't make a habit of that, but it was a good choice because even though I skipped the Klonopin, they knocked me out. Had I taken them in the morning, I wouldn't have been able to drive, and the cats wouldn't have any food.

I'm doing laundry now. I was lucky and the machines were empty... no waiting, so it should be over with quickly, aside from the folding.

I'm hoping I can do more today.

I made the very stupid decision to just clean the freezer yesterday...
Then water dripped down into the fridge and I got stuck having to clean that, too. I never got around to cleaning the outside of it, but I did that fairly recently. Please tell me how/why I had so much cat hair in that thing?
It was a miserable 4 hour ordeal (including many breaks of course) and I suffered/am suffering for it. I took 4 Advil when I got up and it is helping with the pain a bit tho.

I assumed that checking such a big project off my list would alleviate some anxiety, but nope. It's worse. It's like everything I look at this morning needs to be cleaned, scrubbed, packed, or whatever right away even though I'm ****ING EXHAUSTED. I am trying to remind myself how much time I have left to do things, but it is just not helping today.

I assumed I'd be spending today in bed after all that activity, but my anxiety isn't going to allow me to sleep, or even really rest, anytime soon. I could clean a little more, but that may be more activating. I'm considering going to get my nails done a day early instead IF, IF, I'm up to driving. I really don't know what to do with myself...

hugs
love
bobby

I hope that you rested today, Kay.

Yesterday I went out to have my nails done, play the lottery, and get my coffee a day early. Leaving the apartment was a good idea. Not having to be constantly reminded of things that need to be done helped to ease my anxiety...

Until my husband came home and I showed him the form we need to fill out to officially notify the management here that we'll be moving when our lease is up. He totally flipped out because we need to give them 2 months notice, by June 1st (in 1 week), and we don't have another apartment yet. I have talked to him about the whole apartment situation in depth on multiple occasions, but now I have proof he NEVER listens to me...
He just kept flipping out in spurts, and I couldn't deal with his **** because I've been dealing with it constantly for a while now, and it's been making me sick. I decided to take another mg of Klonopin and retired to the bedroom where I eventually got what I guess you might call some sleep.

I'm sticking to my plan of making follow-up phone calls and resuming the apartment search starting on the 1st, but I'm going to try not to be too aggressive or obsess at first because I realize I may not be able to get anywhere until the middle of the month. I'm going to have to TRY not to panic and to be okay with that.

The plan is to stay in today. I'm feeling less anxious and better physically. I'm sure I will do some cleaning, but I'm going to try not to go overboard.

Dear Kay,

It sounds like he listened to you.
I am hoping for you that the next place is the right place and that you get
things done re moving within the time constraints.


My memories of the last time we moved . . . Hubby was adamant (angry and anxious) about not renewing/having to stay where we were so he was motivated.

But I had a little stroke sometime in the last few weeks of the last place so
some of that is hazy to me. (I was doing a lot of sleeping)
Maybe it was a blessing in a way because he was really really wound up and I was able to not pay attention as much as I would otherwise.


M

Mari, I'm so sorry about the stroke and the timing :hug::hug::hug:
Being a little less alert, saving you from a little of the stress of the move and your husband's anxiety sounds like a good thing, but I don't know how you got through a move under those miserable conditions :hug::hug::hug:

We are both adamant that we are moving, but I think part of the reason why my husband isn't motivated yet is because it's two months away and we haven't landed a new place yet. He has no sense of urgency because I don't think it feels "real" to him yet. I'll be boxing CDs and DVDs this weekend. Maybe that will help.

Sometimes I fail to take into account how much he drinks... maybe he listens, but just doesn't remember. If he gets home at 3pm, and I get up from my nap at 6, I don't always know how much he's had to drink... but it's usually a lot.

More stress:

Each infusion of Tysabri (the MS med) costs thousands of dollars. I was on it twice before, and both times it was covered by insurance at 100%. I found out yesterday that because of changes to my plan (I'm on a medicare advantage plan) over the years, it will now be covered under my prescription drug plan as a tier 5 drug and I'll be responsible for 27% of the cost. The girl at the insurance company said the "wholesale cost" of an infusion is around $2500 a month (I don't know if that is accurate, think it's higher), but that's not the same as the "allowable cost" the pharmacy can charge the insurance company/medicare. I have to wait until a prior authorization is processed and I request that the pharmacy run the prescription through my insurance before I can find out what the "total drug cost" (very important if you have medicare) and my copay will be.

I just wrote a long explanation about medicare, the donut hole, and catastrophic coverage, but erased all of it. All you guys need to know is that I'm probably not going back on Tysabri because we'd be moving into a cardboard box instead of an apartment if I did.

I guess I'm okay with that? I have little to no faith in it. But my MS has been taking a toll on me... IDK.

I'm aware of patient assistant programs, etc. I will apply, but will not qualify. Please do not post links.

I am sorry
love
bobby

When the old tile from the 70s started to fall apart in our shower, maintenance just put a piece of **** cheap tub-fitter over it (which is also falling apart now), but there is still some tile visible around the top of it and a little around the sides. Thursday I decided to spray it with Tilex and scrub it again as part of my "moving-soon" list and ended up really hurting my right arm and shoulder badly. I'm in terrible pain and won't be doing any cleaning for a while if I can contain myself.

So I'm resuming the apartment search a little early so I'll have something to occupy myself. I need an outlet. I think I'm hypo, but it's hard to tell with all the MS stuff, the general anxiety, and OCD.

My arm is feeling a little better, but I woke up this morning with a pinched nerve in my neck... I am a mess!!!

I was good and didn't do any cleaning yesterday. I took a 5 hour nap.

But we can add the desire to BUY everything to the desire to CLEAN everything to the list of my hypo symptoms now. I'm having a really hard time holding back with mixed results.

I can't medicate for this episode tho because any med change would cause sedation, which would mean I would be sleeping even more...

Hi, Kay,

I hope that your neck and arm are o.k.


Do what you can to take care of yourself.

( I do not understand manic-type-symptoms but I do hear that you are struggling not to guy and clean.)


Mari

Between my arm and my neck I was a wreck yesterday, but I woke up this morning feeling much better. I'd been alternating 800mg of Advil and 1000mg of Tylenol consistently. I hate doing that... hate taking either, but I'm sure it helped. I won't be taking anything anymore.

I'll resume light cleaning as tolerated.

We have to submit a form to our current apartment management company by June 1st (Thursday) to tell them we will be moving Aug. 1st. At the bottom of the letter it just says, " Our staff will be conducting a pre-move out inspection of your apartment on Monday." It doesn't say which Monday, but I assume they mean the Monday after we give them the letter. I don't know how they can properly/fairly assess any damage before we are able to move out the furniture and clean the apartment, and how that will effect any reference another landlord asks for, especially if we dispute their assessment or bill...

I'm going to submit the form on Wednesday, and I'm going to have to make sure that the apartment is very clean before the following Monday when I expect they will be coming. There are a couple of little things on that "moving-soon list" that will need to be done. I have half a mind to rent a REAL carpet cleaner (we have a crappy little one that does nothing) before they come even though they may be replacing the rug anyway due to wear and tear and/or smoke damage. This is a new idea I haven't run by my husband yet.

I'm not happy with this situation. I have a feeling that these people are going to be ***holes, and are going to try to stick us with a big bill. Otherwise, why do this 60 days before tenants move out? I will pay for the smoke damage, provided the fee they ask for is reasonable. I just need to do some research on what is involved, and what IS considered reasonable. I will take the rest, and do the research on it, as it comes.

More stress, and more physical demands, on the horizon for me soon.

Why not ask them which Monday the text refers to either before or when you submit the form? That way you know exactly when the inspection will happen and don't have to agonised stress about which Monday they are referring to.

Is it perhaps worth looking around for local professional cleaning companies and getting a few to give you quotes for carrying out a deep clean of your apartment prior to the inspection (once you know when the inspection will be carried out)? If you really expect them to screw you over for cleaning charges then it may work out much cheaper to have a cleaning firm come in and carry out a thorough clean of the whole apartment.

Even if it wasn't cheap, it would save you having to try to do it all and you wouldn't have to endure the stress of worrying about whether you had done a good enough job (or whether you were even going to manage it at all). Even if you did manage to do the full clean yourself, its going to leave you ruined for days and days so its got to be worth at least looking into it and weighing up the cost versus the benefits to you and your husband of (a) not having to do the clean yourselves plus (b) not having all the added stress of doing the clean yourselves.

Not only that, if the Apartment Company then try to screw you over for cleaning charges, you can dispute them on the basis that you had a professional cleaning company in to carry out a full, deep clean. If they give you a written quote and receipt detailing all the work they have carried out then it will be very hard for the Apartment Company to try and charge you.

Just some thoughts - felt free to ignore if they aren't helpful.

When we moved out we had to give 60 days notice as well.


After we got our furniture and stuff out we had an extra week or more still left on the old place. We paid a cleaning service.

----------------------
So I just checked with hubby because I was in the new place that day.

Hubby met two cleaning woman with his key at the old place.
He said that they spent about six hours cleaning behind the oven and fridge and vacuuming and such.
They took away whatever small items we had left behind including maybe some food in the freezer and a cooler
(Hubby gave away my cooler that I used for a work party once a year!)
And maybe he or they took some trash out but there would not have been much trash I think.

This was 8 years ago. He says we paid them $160 dollars. I am
not sure if he gave them a tip beyond that.


M

Thank you, ladies :grouphug:

And I will call the office this morning and ask which Monday they plan on doing the walk through.

I wish that I could hire a cleaning company, but my husband would never agree to that. He doesn't want to spend the money, especially since he expects they will charge us damages anyway (we are smokers). He will move things for me, etc but does not help clean at all. He has pretty ****ing unreasonable expectations of me even though I'm handicapped.

If office staff is coming for an inspection Monday, they will be looking for damages vs. cleanliness, but I just like things to be more presentable whenever I'm expecting any kind of company.

My main concern is the carpet in the "cat room." I am going to rent a powerful carpet cleaner and hope that the stains aren't as noticeable after several passes. I have no doubt anything will do a better job than the piece of crap we have. It's worth a shot. It's a small room, but unfortunately there's a lot of **** in there that will need to be moved or moved around.

There are things on my list that, left undone, could draw some scrutiny. But they are things that could be done before we move out, so I've decided I'm not going to kill myself trying to do them.

I've been trying to remind myself why I started working on this list so early... I have to spread the work out and do it very slowly so I don't push myself too hard and/or hurt myself (again). It's very hard to do when you are hypo. My mind is willing, but my body is broken :o

hugs
love
bobby

I've thought a lot about all your suggestions about hiring a cleaning company before we move out, and I shouldn't totally dismiss them no matter how my husband feels about the issue. The reality is I just don't know what kind of shape I'll be in around moving time, so we may have no choice. Really only I can make the determination of whether I can do the work or not- not him. I won't leave this place a mess, and I'm sure it would be more expensive if we did that vs. hiring a cleaning company.

I called the office yesterday and the girl I spoke to said they will be coming this Monday. She said even though the letter says the visit will be a "pre-move out inspection," they are not coming to assess for damages. They will be looking to see if they need to order countertops, carpet, etc and will be in and out in minutes. But since they'll be evaluating the flooring, I'm still concerned about the carpet stains.

In regards to this visit, I'm only concerned with the "cat room," and that will be my focus. I'm waiting to rent the carpet cleaner tho…

I think it's pointless to shampoo the rug in there if I can't do the whole thing. And since they're not supposed to come until Monday, there's time to do it right. So, I'm going to pack up the CDs, DVDs, and the stuff on the bookshelves so the furniture (not the same furniture I'm always after my husband to throw out) is easier to move, and wait to rent the carpet cleaner until this weekend when my husband can do that for me, and maybe help me if I'm really lucky.

My elderly, pleasantly confused neighbor paid me a visit yesterday. She got to meet the cats (except Buddy who hides from strangers), we had coffee together, and were able to have a nice conversation because she was having a good day. I'm so awful though… all I could think of was cleaning, and had to politely kick her out after about an hour.

Yesterday I finished everything in the bathroom on my "moving-soon list" with the exception of cleaning out the linen closet. Everything done can be very easily maintained. It felt good to cross a whole room, no matter how small, off my list. And the linen closet is not a priority.

I have to do laundry this morning, and I have to go out to pick up a few things, so I don't know if I'll have the energy left to do any packing today, but I have plenty of time to get it done before the weekend.

I turned in our "60 day notice to vacate" yesterday. Since paperwork has a habit of disappearing in that office, I asked the girl I gave it to to initial or sign it and give me a copy, which she did, so they can't deny they received it.

In response to my question about which Monday they would be doing the "inspection", I got an email yesterday morning saying that the office and maintenance managers would be coming to do a "walk through" once they received my notice to vacate, but there was no mention in there of when that would happen...

So if they decide to come before Monday, there's nothing I can do about the carpet in the "cat room." But I managed to dust, vacuum, and clean the kitchen floor to make the apartment presentable.

Doing that, laundry, and going out to pick a few things up at the store was WAY too much. When I woke up from my 4+ hour nap, my husband took one look at me and pulled out the take-out menus.

I wonder how long I will be hypo? I am very productive right now even though I'm paying for it. What I will be capable of doing once I come down? Fortunately I started doing all this early, so I still have a lot of time left. Moving out of here at least a week before our lease is up would be ideal. That way I would have more time to clean and there would be no furniture in my way.

Today is my lottery/coffee day, and I plan on doing nothing else but packing crap up. Even though I have thoughts of cleaning everything dancing through my head, I'm so beat up from yesterday, that packing is probably all I will be able to do.

(((((HUGS))))))
bizi:hug::hug::hug:

Kay,

'So happy he recognized that food was going to be take out.

Packing is a good activity.
(I mean it is and is not good [or fun] but it is something that you can get done and that will contribute successfully to your goal of moving.)


It is hard to move but motivation to get to a better place is helping I hope. Take care of yourself along the way.


M

i like the expression pleasantly confused.
love
bobby

You're right, Mari. I'm very motivated to get out of this **** hole and move to a better place. And between that, and being hypo, it's helping me get a lot done. The packing is a good activity because it's less physically demanding and I'm less likely to overdo it or injure myself, but I won't be doing any packing for a while after this project.

I'm really hoping to hear something from that desirable apartment complex or the rental agency soon. By Monday, significant progress will have been made in the "cat room." Hopefully, because of that, I can back off of some of the physical activity for a little while. I'm going to start searching for apartments online again, but it's going to be frustrating because either the apartments are very expensive or they're looking to rent ASAP. I really need to know where we will be going within 2 weeks. Anything beyond that will leave me feeling panicked.


I can't believe how many games, DVDs, CDs, and cassette tapes my husband has!!! I wiped down and packed up all of that stuff except for the CDs yesterday, but packing those will be the biggest project. I still have to get to the things on the bookshelf as well, but that will be easy because everything's been cleaned recently. I need to buy some bigger boxes before I can do anything else tho.

I have quite a day ahead of me, so will really have to get an early start. I have to buy boxes, do light food shopping, and pick up the carpet cleaner before I get on with the packing and thoroughly clean all the furniture when I am done.

I hope you are being careful to not hurt yourself this weekend, hoping that your hubby helped you.
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I have seeing cds and dvds and such to deal with.

It is not necessary to hold on to them forever and they just add to
the load for a move.


Good luck.



M

I meant to say I am exasperated by your husbands lack of help in this process of moving.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Even though my husband has downloaded all his CDs to iTunes, he would never part with them. He has a hard time letting go of stuff in general. It's going to be a problem.

Another problem is that while I slaved away from Thursday to Saturday, my husband offered me little to no help and still hasn't made good on promises to do things he should have done months ago, and that makes me worry about the move in general. I can't pack everything and clean everything myself... and I don't feel like I can rely on him to do much.

I'm going to continue to chip away at my "moving-soon list," but I think it MAY end up as more of a way of not having to pay a cleaning company as much vs. not having to pay the management here as much, provided we have enough time to move out of here early enough to get the furniture out and have the cleaning company in. My husband has said that we won't even be renting a machine to clean the rest of the carpet in the apartment before we move out, so hiring a cleaning company would be an epic battle, but I pick my battles, and can be a formidable opponent when I want/need to be. And I will probably need to be.

The rental machine did a very good job, but there is a stubborn urine stain that won't come out. Since it's an isolated spot, I'm going to treat it with Nature's Miracle "Urine Destroyer" and that will at least improve it further.


So, I've finally completely run myself into the ground. I'm exhausted, not moving around well, and everything hurts, but I'm still MANIC. Odd combination... I'm going to have to throw myself into the apartment search because I can't do any kind of physical work for X-amount of days... I don't know how many... maybe a week? But I hope not.

Unfortunately I have to do grocery shopping today because there's literally nothing in the house :(
It will be a light load, and I don't carry the bags in, but still... yesterday I had trouble washing my hair...