:grouphug:Kay
I think you wrote a fantastic letter. Keep working to find the right apartment.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

very nice letter. very calm and yet giving details.
so that is good.
bizi

I am wishing you well, Kay.
And impressed with your professionalism.


M

My anxiety is ****ing terrible right now, and klonopin isn't doing the job. The maintenance issues, searching for apartments, worrying about money and my health problems have me all twisted up in knots. But the main culprit is it's just not a good time of year for me because of the timing of my s/s attempt. I skipped the family functions and sat out the holidays last year just so I could keep my **** together, but I had a fairly mild manic episode, as far as manic episodes go, anyway. This year, I'll be going to my aunt's for Thanksgiving. I need much better control over my anxiety so that it doesn't trigger another episode. That may mean asking my pdoc to switch me back to Xanax. If I'm still struggling to this degree come Monday, I will be calling her.

I got a response back from the assistant property manager (at 8:30 last night) letting me know that fixing the ceiling will be a two day job that they can start on the 29th. The 2 day part is NOT a good thing. I have a hard enough time being out for two hours at a time, and was shooting for being out for four hours the day they were to come. Being out a second day will be impossible, unless it's to use the bathroom elsewhere since mine will be tied up while they will be working. I'm trying to think of how to convey this in my response to her in an appropriate way while maintaining some degree of privacy. No doubt it will take me a hundred drafts before I'm satisfied enough to hit "send."

I will be relieved when this whole ceiling ordeal is over. Hopefully the work is done well. It will be nice to check something off my worry list.

"XXXX,

Tuesday the 29th will be fine. I'll remove everything from the bathroom, lock the cats in one of the bedrooms, and be ready to leave the apartment Tuesday before the guys arrive in the morning.

I've arranged to be out of the apartment Tuesday for about 4 hours, but that is a stretch for me. Because of my MS, I don't go out often, and can usually only tolerate it for short periods when I do. Due to my limitations, it will be impossible for me to be out of the apartment for a second day, with the exception of using the facilities elsewhere so I don't disrupt the work being done in our bathroom.

I have no intention of pestering anyone or making their jobs more difficult while I am home. I do not want to interfere with their work.

Thank you for helping to get this project scheduled. Please let me know if any plans change.

ME"


I have no idea how long it took me to write this, but I feel like I need a nap now.

I hope they don't think that if they delay the second part of the job I'll be able to figure out a way to be out of the apartment for another 4 or so hours. In addition to the above issues, I have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

good letter,rest!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I woke up at 6 vs 5 this morning, my anxiety isn't as high as it's been, and its responding to 1mg of klonopin, so right now I'm feeling better :)

With enough klonopin, I was feeling less overwhelmed, and was able to do several things yesterday that I think will make me feel like I have more control, so I can manage my anxiety better:

1) I decided to start the accounting of our finances going back to Thursday when my husband got his last check, rather than waiting until his next check is deposited Friday. The sooner I figure out where the money is going, the sooner we can start making changes. I already have some ideas that will help.

2) Our cable bill is astronomical, and yesterday I was finally able to convince my husband to let me change our bundle. He's going to be home for 4 days during the upcoming weekend because of the holiday, so I will wait until the following Monday to change it. I've already picked out the package I want, but won't know how much it will cost, or how much we'll be saving, until I call to make the change, but I know it will make a BIG difference.

3) I decided to forgo my privacy when writing my response to the assistant property manager because she'll find out about the extent of my disability when/if I present the office with a letter trying to break the lease on that basis anyway. Some advance knowledge on her part probably isn't a bad thing either.

4) I've decided that I can't keep searching for apartments now. It's getting me all worked up and causing a lot of anxiety for nothing because a move would be months away and we aren't ready for it financially yet.

5) I've been worrying that my brother won't be coming to Thanksgiving because he doesn't want to see me. I texted him yesterday to ask if he would be coming. He said he wasn't, but he'd like to to get together to have lunch soon. Although I won't get to see him on Thanksgiving, it was a much better response than I expected, and was by far the biggest relief of all :)


I'm going to keep trying to exercise control over what I can so that it doesn't add to the big stuff that I can't.

I am glad that you will get together with your brother for lunch!
You are making good sense thru all of this. we are spending money like crazy going out to eat....
sigh
love you,
bizi

A few hours' work on Saturday gave me about 24 hours of relief, but now I'm a ****ing mess again. I have a bunch of stuff to do, but I can't get my **** together and figure what to do about it. I'm no better off after 1mg of klonopin. I can't/won't drive if I take more than that, so I think I will watch some cartoons to see if they can calm me down enough to come up with some kind of a plan…

How about taking some benadryl?
How do you respond to that?
bizi

I'm very careful about not taking anything like Benadryl that may be sedating because of the seroquel and klonopin I take and the fatigue from MS. I would have to be sure I wouldn't be driving.

I got a late start yesterday and ended up running one errand and making one phone call. My grocery list is overwhelming because of the holiday, and because my husband will be home for 4 days, but I forced myself to work on it last night. Trying to split it up into 2 trips won't work.

My plan was to go to the supermarket early this morning, but just the thought of going is turning my stomach. The longer I wait the worse it will get… I have to stop procrastinating and get in the shower.

This morning I made a list of things I have left to do between now and Thursday, and I'm not happy. I should have waited until after I got back from shopping to do that because right now it's not exactly inspiring me.

I hope that you have a nice shower!
bizi

I have been waiting to go grocery shopping also. But I will go tomorrow.
Reason is I've decided since I was in town yesterday for work, and
pick Derrick up tomorrow. To just wait and go when I get him. Then
we can go back and get his dog.

That way I have help loading.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

and unloading too. :)
bizi

The supermarket will be a zoo today, Donna!!! But I can see how waiting would be worth it if it meant you could get help with your bags.

The store was packed yesterday, but I can't complain about the trip because it's my fault for waiting so long. I spent a fortune, and had a ton of bags. I ended up breaking my rule and brought some in, but there were still so many left in the trunk, my husband couldn't even tell the difference.

I have to take a look at yesterday's list and reassess what I want to get done vs. what needs to be done today because I can't do it all… it's just not realistic.

I'm going to make some cookies! I haven't baked from scratch in a long time (my stand mixer was in my father's basement), and I'll enjoy it as long as I get my chores out of the way early and I don't feel rushed. I'm just making peanut butter cookies, which will be quick and easy.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me, and I won't be able to get a nap in. I wish I could sleep in tomorrow, but no matter what I do, I always seem to get up between 5-6:30am. I can roll the dice on exhausting myself today by not taking a nap or staying up late tonight, but those things haven't always worked in the past, and I may end up much worse off tomorrow. IDK. Frustrating.

What about a short nap before cookie making?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I chose to go early. Thankfully it wasn't as bad as it is in the evenings.

We also went to Ollie's and got some things. Got some nice Christmas things.
Also got something's at Dollar General.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Kay,

You are amazing. From what I understand here you will be spending two days
cooking. :eek:
I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving day. :heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:


M

Thank you ladies :group hug:

The new peanut butter cookie recipe was a loser. The batter was very dry, but I like to give recipes a chance as written the first time around. I should have trusted my instincts and adjusted it. It was a simple recipe, but I can't believe how slow I am now. I was very disappointed with the results because of the amount of energy I put into making them.

I left myself enough time so I could relax and enjoy making the cookies (even if I didn't enjoy the results), but I just did too much on Wednesday. I also gambled on not taking a nap, hoping I would sleep in on Thursday morning…

I did sleep in until 7am Thursday, but I woke up so completely out of it from pushing it the day before and not taking a nap that I was unsure if I'd be able to make it to dinner at my aunt's. Fortunately, I did come around and was able to go. It was very pleasant, and I enjoyed seeing my family, especially my two nephews (10 and 3). I only stayed 3 hours because I was so tired and had to get home to put our turkey in.

Once I got home I was able to relax for about an hour before I had prep the turkey. I was an uncoordinated disaster in the kitchen, and my husband's help was not helpful because he was so ****faced. Dinner turned out very good even though it was late and half of it was cold by the time all of it was ready.

I slept until 10:30am yesterday :eek:
I broke myself!!! I was barely able to stand up or raise my arms when I got up. I went back to bed somewhere around 1 and slept until 5pm. I had no problems sleeping when I went back to bed before 10 last night and I slept in past 7 this morning.

I feel much better today, but I'm still exhausted and in pain. It will take me a couple of days to recover from the damage I did.

I knew I was in over my head, but I'm still having a hard time accepting I can't do all the things I want to anymore, and I didn't think the fallout would be as bad as it was. I don't know when I will learn…

I am so sorry that you over did it.
glad that your thanksgiving day events with family were nice.
I bet the young ones were fun.
sorry about your peanut butter cookies..I am sure that was disappointing.
Only you can slow down and not hurt yourself.
I am sorry that corey could not help you.
Maybe order a meal from the grocery store next year?
((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I feel better, but I'm still not 100%.

The Pats played yesterday. They won even though they didn't play particularly well. I love watching football, but it was a frustrating game to watch. They didn't exactly light the world on fire the last time they played either, which is concerning. Brady has a knee injury, and a lot of other players are banged up, too. Hopefully they will be on the mend soon and the team will start playing better.

Maintenance is supposed to come today to fix the ceiling…

I've showered, dressed, and removed everything from the bathroom. Taking down the two shower curtains was hard and a real PITA.
The kitties are locked in the bathroom with food, water, and a litter box.
I'm ready for them.
I'm wondering when, and if, they will come.

My plan was to drive an hour away to the outlet stores to kill some time today, but I haven't fully recovered from my Thanksgiving escapades, and to be honest, it's not safe for me to drive that distance on a good day. So, I don't know what I was thinking there…

I hope that when the crew comes they can give me some idea of how long they will be here today. I will busy myself away from the apartment for as long as possible since I won't be able to use the bathroom while they're working. It's a two day job, so I don't know what I'll do about tomorrow. I can't be out for long two days in a row, but I'll have to pee somewhere…

The shower curtain (just one) will have to go back up some point after they leave, and come back down before they come back. Everything that was in the bathroom will go back in, and have to come back out again.

IDK, for some reason I feel like they're not going to come today. This whole ordeal is a pain in the ***, but if they don't come, I'm going to hit the roof.


In other news, I saw my PCP yesterday. He wrote me a pretty forceful note saying that I need a more accessible apartment as soon as possible. I didn't think about it, but he has concerns about me being able to exit my apartment quickly in case of emergency, and he included that in the letter…

Meanwhile, we are still in no financial position to move.

A guy from maintenance came around 10:30am to do the ceiling. By that time, the kitties had already been locked up for 3 hours.

I went to the closer Yankee Candle outlet, the pharmacy, and had my car reinspected. By the time I got home about 3 hours later, I was exhausted, and he was gone…

He replaced the sheetrock where the original water damage was, but didn't replace it in the area that prompted me to call the health department, as agreed. The work that was done was shoddy, and the ceiling is going to look like **** when it's done, but **** it. I have no patience or energy to deal with it anymore, and I'm obviously fighting a losing battle.

It's about 9:30am now and he hasn't arrived yet. I'll be home today, and I'm still unsure how I will manage not being able to use the bathroom. I'm sure I'll figure something out…

today is already wrapped up, I forgot to mention you could have gone to the front office to use their restroom.
Shody work....
heavy sigh.
bizi

Sorry to hear that the work done on the bathroom the first day was
a disappointment.

How did it go on the second day?

M

On day 2 (Wednesday), maintenance didn't turn up until about 2:30. After they put the mud up, it evened out the ceiling and I had faith it would turn out better. G did say what was supposed to be a 2 day job might end up being a 4 day job depending on how the ceiling looked once the mud dried :eek:

But when G showed up just after 9 yesterday, he finished the ceiling. It took 3 days, but it looks pretty darn good. Unfortunately, as the paint started to dry on the ceiling yesterday afternoon, it exposed a light orange stain over the area where I had wanted the sheetrock to be replaced, but wasn't. I think it just needs another coat of paint. Hopefully this doesn't turn into another ongoing issue, because I'll probably just ignore it at this point.

He didn't paint the whole bathroom. That's how maintenance around here is done. So, there is about a 4" border of fresh paint around the top of the bathroom wall now. The last time the walls were painted was 7 years ago before we moved in, and my husband smokes in the BR so the walls are a totally different color. G did leave me a couple of gallons of paint so we can paint the rest of the BR to match if we want tho… that will mean I will be painting. My husband doesn't do those kind of things. The BR is tiny, but it will take me a couple of days to do that.

I never had to run out anywhere to use the restroom, which was a major concern :):):)

This whole project is basically over, and I'm very happy about that. One less thing to worry about, one less thing for my husband to freak out about. As far as painting, I'm in no rush. My arms are sore enough right now just from taking down and putting up the shower curtain repeatedly.
I should just put the painting off until I'm manic again. That happens often enough…

I am glad that the job is almost done....sorry that you will have to paint it yourself...that is not right.:mad:
wonder what the orange is all about dare I ask?
It is alot of work putting up shower curtains.
hopefully you will recover quickly.
Be kind to yourself this weekend.
((((((HUGS)))))
and much love
bizi

The stains on the ceiling are where he used spackle to cover up the spots I had wanted cut out… I think it's just the color of the spackle showing through. The stains are light enough that another coat of paint should do the trick, so I'm not going to worry about it.

I had to do the dreaded food shopping on Friday, but I only brought in 3 light bags with perishable items and left the rest for my husband. I'm trying to take it easy.

The football game is on at 1pm today, which is a good time for me, because when they play at 4:30, I end up missing half the game because I'm trying to make dinner. I'll feed my husband a grilled cheese or something at noon, and will be able to relax and enjoy the game today :)

I hope that you got to enjoy the game today!
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I watched most of the game, but had to lay down mid-way through the 4th quarter to take a nap. I didn't miss anything though. The game was already won at that point because the Rams played terrible football yesterday.
It's worth noting that Tom Brady surpassed Peyton Manning to become the winningest quarterback in NFL history! :)

I have laundry in. I was way behind. While the guy from maintenance was here he was going in and out with his hands full, and I didn't want to risk getting in his way going in and out myself.

Other things to do: vacuuming, kitchen and bathroom floors, probably cleaning the bathroom (AGAIN). I'm in no rush, but I can't procrastinate and leave everything to be done in one or two days.
I've decided I'll do my grocery shopping on Thursdays or Fridays for now on. Taking multiple trips only makes sense if I'm going to be the one bringing the bags in, and I am NOT doing that anymore.

We're getting a mix of snow and rain today, and it will be about 29 degrees overnight. That means ICE tomorrow. They do not do a good job of clearing off the stairs or walkway here. I fall multiple times a year trying to navigate through snow and/or ice somewhere or another, but have never seriously injured myself. Every year I'm afraid it will be the year I break something…

Do be more careful this year in the snow and ice.
((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I'm always very careful, but I have a pretty bad gait disorder so there is only so much I can do. Fortunately, I usually fall on my ***. I used to walk with one Canadian crutch, but I went back to the cane because I had one fall where my arm got caught up, and I don't want to fall and break my arm.

It's suppose to get up into the 40s today. I'll give the sun some time to melt the ice and wait until later in the day to go out. I should vacuum at some point.

I'm not happy with my pharmacy right now. I called yesterday to fill 4 prescriptions. I had a script for Topamax on hold, and asked them to fill it. Instead they called my pdoc's office asking for more refills, but she had just written me a script so she said no, and called me. I called CVS again yesterday to ask them to fill the script I had on hold, but according to the app this morning, they didn't. I called back again, and hopefully it will be ready by 11am. Ridiculous.

Oh am sorry that happened.
my pharmacy is so good.
except they won't refill my klonipin any sooner than a day before it expires. I like to get a few extras each month because when we travel it is for 2 weeks and my prescription could run out if I were careful about getting the refills. and I feel more secure having extra klonipin if I need it. I think I have timed it right for this trip.
bizi

It's a miracle! I slept until 6:30! lol. Sleeping in a little is nice :)

I didn't enjoy the unnecessary pharmacy BS, but at least I'm stable right now and didn't totally freak out about it. My prescription was ready when I went to pick it up, but I had checked on it beforehand to be sure.

It was bright and sunny yesterday, and by the time I went out around noon, the ice had melted. It's going to rain today. I have no plans to go out, but it will freeze over night and possibly effect my plans to go out tomorrow.

I have 4 regular cigarettes left and e-cigarettes to last me a while.

yeah! glad that you slept in!
Hoping that the ecigs work out for you and that you get used to them.
I met some one one time who had a fancy one a vaperizor just to play with the smoke! His looked very big. like a box.
I did not look like a cigarette at all.
bizi

I let the assistant property manager know about the visible stain on the ceiling, and was sent a copy of the maintenance request.

Yesterday morning I got an email that said ONLY "Appearance of ceiling is normal." It was not signed, and didn't come from the property management's account, although it had to be connected to maintenance.

If they had come, they would have seen it, but I know that nobody has been by to look at the ceiling, because I've been home, and the email came before I went out yesterday.

Anyway, I replied with a picture of the stain to prove it IS there, but said I had no intention of pursuing it any further, as I was tired of talking about ceilings.

Oh, and after 8 weeks, no handicap sign. I asked for a reasonable accommodation and they have failed to provide me with it. There has to be a law that they have violated since this has hardly been a reasonable time to meet the request. I will look into that.

There's a pretty big leak coming from the base of the spout in my kitchen sink, water is leaking from the top of our fridge, and I have to mess around with the large burners on the stove or they won't work, and sometimes they stop working while I'm cooking. But I'm ****ing sick of maintenance, and have no desire to deal with them, or the office, right now.

I ****ing hate this place. I wish we had the money to move now.

I am sorry kay, this all sounds very frustrating. I wish you could move to.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I believe the complaint about the sign would go to the OCR office that handles your state.

Donna :grouphug::hug:

My e-cigarette looks like a regular cigarette, but this disposable one is black, it's heavier than a regular cigarette, and the end lights up red when I inhale.

So far it's working out very well! I can't believe it's holding up to my morning chain smoking! I'm feeling confident enough to buy a kit.


I'm going to contact the assistant office manager for our apt. complex today via email (because I want all of this in writing) again to ask about the status of the sign. I get the feeling that after all of this waiting, they are going to tell me they can't put the sign in because the ground is frozen, although I know no one has even tried yet because the ground is undisturbed. I have no idea what the delay is… it's ****ing ridiculous.

I don't want to start more problems here, but I may if they tell me they can't put the sign in. They asked my permission to put up a "5+ year resident" sign instead of a handicapped sign because it would be quicker (LOL), but there was never any question about why I needed a specially designated parking spot.

Donna, What is OCR?
I emailed the Massachusetts Fair Housing Center, but got ahold of the wrong branch. They referred me to one that is closer to me, as well as the Mass. Commission on Discrimination, and New England Legal Aid.


Anyway…
I almost threw a couple of loads of laundry in this morning, but stopped myself. It would have been a mistake considering I have to go grocery shopping today, and don't need to tire myself out beforehand. I would like to get some things done when I get home, but that will depend on how I feel. I'm doing a better job at not pushing my limits since I beat myself up so badly around Thanksgiving.

I'm going to try to wait until the ice melts again before I go out.

I am glad that the ecigs are working out for you! Is the kit the same thing as vaping? playing with smoke?
bizi