sorry for the constipation...having difficulties myself.
Having some coffee to see if I can get going.
So glad that you walked in the halls!
that is great!
bizi

thanks Bizi
I am going to one walk in morning and one in afternoon

Good job Bobby, just do what you can. Thats what we all do.
Its raining here. So walking with my dogs is not a thing today.
Supposed to for a while.
Poor things.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

I walk in the hall.The latest a1c says it is 6.1. that is depressing

Don't beat yourself up too much bobby. 6.1 is still pretty good.:)
Do they check your a1c every 3 months?
This is the life span of a red blood cell.
bizi

no. this was with another doctor

I am just so depressed. I think the first a1c was lower because I doubled up on the medication. I am just totally depressed over my life and just feel so rotten.
I don't have anything good to look forward to and possibly a lot of bad things. I just feel like crying like a baby. right now I can't pick myself up. I know it is bipolar depression but that isn't helping. II just finished my class and that didn't help but made things worse

Not sure if it really matters. But I make sure even if different offices.
That my A1C is done at the same lab. Because I've learned that
different labs have different numbers they use. So I wouldnt
take to much stock to different numbers.

I would use the one that does your numbers the most. Like mine
is almost always done at my primary, or the hospital with them.
So that is were I have mine done.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Oh, Bobby. I hope that you feel better.

Nope bobby the doubling up of the medication one day won't really effect your a1c. It is an average of the 90 days. That is why it is such a good indicator of your diabetes management, and how you are doing.
bizi

I'm glad that you got so much joy out of meeting Cecilia's new puppy :)
But her not allowing him to lick you because of the meds you take is just silly! It's not like you excrete them from your pores! :rolleyes:
Have her ask HER vet about it because doggies like to lick.

I know it's hard to get out and walk in the halls, so great job! It may also help with your constipation...
If the magnesium citrate doesn't clean you all out the first time, wait a couple of days so you don't get dehydrated and take another bottle. That should clear you out. I know how uncomfortable constipation can be :hug:

I'm so sorry that you are so depressed, Bobby. It sounds like you are having a lot of negative thinking right now, and that must be very overwhelming :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you are still seeing you therapist, but when do you see your pdoc again? I know he has objections to changing the dosages of certain meds, but he has to try to do something for you because this miserable episode has gone on too long :hug::hug::hug:

Thinking good thoughts for you today, and sending you my love (((HUGS)))

(((((HUGS)))
for you today.
Wish you felt better.
bizi

that is really interesting because before this last time I was tested two months before

I called my vet and he thought the licking was fine but to call my doctor to double check. He said it was fine. I called cecilia and asked if I could see Prince and told her I would wear shoes.I wonder if she will call me back.
I didn't walk the halls yesterday. will try today. the magnesium did work but then I felt I was getting constipated again. I took phillip caplets and today I keep going. I already had five cups of coffee.
I am severely depressed. I think it is mainly bipolar. I have been surrounded by my kitty cats and that hasn't helped. The plunge in the stock market hasn't helped. the fear of the doctor's appt hasn't helped. got a standard passover card from my oldest nephew. I wished a happy passover and wrote that I would pray for him. that didn't help. got money back from ebay and that didn't help. haven't lost weight. want to cry so badly.keep on telling myself it is mostly bipolar depression and it will pass. I am still spending

Oh, Bobby,

Really sorry that you are having a hard time.


M

thank you. I really have to force myself to start showing some control and walking in the halls and stop beating myself up. I am showing no mercy which I think is making things worse.

Why do we beat ourselves up?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I think I have done it all my life. My therapist this time says I don't take credit for what I have accomplished. I just look at what I f#$ked up. Do we have high standards for ourselves? Does the bipolar get in the way of our potential. when I was tested it always said I didn't live up to my potential. that is frustrating.
I just looked up on my credit card. It is going to be a big one this time too. I am getting scared. I just bought a pretty bra that fits. I am at the stage now where I feel like throwing out things. I don't need shoes. I don't need bags. I don't need bras or pants or books or lamps orr sweaters or tee shirts. I am going to have to pay the accountant. then I just will need food. Hope I can control myself.

I know that with my anxiety I will worry my self to death if I let myself.

So I try to limit the worrying myself. My sister that has bipolar has gotten
the majority of dealing with my mom right now. She is also the youngest.
But she was dealing with an issue of a toilet that was broke, that needed fixed.
ONe sister who is gone on vacation was okay with amount spent. My mom was. And I would have said, its fine. My sister that wants to do nothing but can spend or take out what she thinks is needed. Is the tight person of us. Was mad, it was too much. She did apologize, but she wasn't the one that got hurt. She is the one that thinks everyone else can do the things needed. They
have all the time. She has to work.

Ugh.
I felt bad, I wasn't there to help.
Donna:hug:

I think the depression is from your BP, too. It is so hard to treat, especially since your pdoc feels like his hands are tied because of your past stroke :hug::hug::hug:

I beat myself up so badly. I think it's mostly from my upbringing. Both my parents were alcoholics, my family was so f***ing dysfunctional, and my mother's standards were impossibly high. I think maybe I just can't let go of anything because of the BP tho.

Have you ever thought about selling things on eBay vs. throwing them out or giving them away? You must have a ton of shoes. And I know you always buy nice ones. Maybe Robert could help set you up?

I'm sorry that everything is making you feel worse vs. better right now- except for the kitties. They can be so comforting. I'm glad that they are good company right now. I hope that Cecilia will bring Prince over soon :hug::hug::hug:

I hope today is a better day, and something good happens for a change (((HUGS)))

I don't want to sell the shoes. did your mother have high standards for herself?
is that why she drank? is your father self critical? and judgmental?
my father went to harvard law school and thought all the kids in his class were dopes lol He said he wished he had studied more looking back instead of having fun. He only thought the professors were bright. My mother wasn't self critical.
My sister thought she was a princess and even lied about whom she went out with-ie chris dodd who was my friend's friend and was shorter and younger than Myra and had a crush on my short girlfriend.
I went over cecilia's yesterday again. Prince has his first agility class and it went very well. when I was over there he was busy biting a box and paid no attention to me. oh sell. He looks like sort of a petite german shepherd. cecilia is going to be away most of the weekend.
I have now convinced myself I need a stent for my heart once somebody said I had one vein toward the heart that was narrow

I am not depressed. I wonder if it is because I am reading an enjoyable book that is distracting me

Happy passover bobby.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I'm so glad that you are enjoying your book and aren't feeling depressed right now!!! :hug::hug::hug:

I wish that Prince showed you more attention when you saw him. It's hard to redirect animals when they really get into things like that tho. I'm sure next time he'll be more attentive to you.

Was your father a genius? It sounds like it.

My mother was beautiful and always dressed to the 9's. I don't have enough insight into her thinking to know what kind of standards she had for herself, but she was impressive. Both her parents drank. I don't know what else drove her to it, but she was a functional alcoholic. My father, not so much. He owned a business with a bar. When I was young he ran the business well, but warmed a bar stool all day. He's very self-critical and has the lowest self-esteem of any person I've ever met, but he's always made up stories to build himself up. My sister doesn't drink, but she is mean and very critical of me, and everyone else. I don't know what her problem is, but she's f***ed up.

did she care what other people thought or did she dress for herself? I wonder what kind of unconscious pressure she put on you. My father was so self critical and extremely bright but not a genius. He was critical of practically everyone lol. I really got the brunt of it.
I hope about prince. cecilia is relieved when I wrote her that the vet and my doctor said nothing to worry about with all the drugs I take and his licking. You should have seen him go after that Chewy box.
I finished another book this morning and onto another book. still not depressed and right now not anxious about the tests...probably later.
Was your father critical of you?
I bought more books this morning

Bobby

I'm glad things are looking up with the books. Keep reading and I think you found a great thing to do to pass time. I love reading I haven't been in the mood lately I buy books some but they wait till i feel like it.

So I have some waiting.
Donna :hug::grouphug:

after the stroke I wasn't able to read much. Up until then I have always been a big reader. My mother used to complain about my reading and said I read too much. I hope I am able to continue to concentrate and read. I am still not depressed today. I bought so many books. I found two authors I really enjoy

I am happy for you that you are able to read again.
Great that you found 2 authors that you like.
((((HUGS)))):hug:
bizi

My mother cared A LOT about what other people thought. When we were growing up, she told my sister and I never to talk about what went on at home or they would take us away and put us in terrible places where terrible things would happen to us.
My father was very critical of both of us when we worked for him.

Why do you think your mother thought you read too much?

I think now it is a very good thing. Not only is it helping with your depression, it can help maintain cognition as you age.

I'm so happy you are feeling better :hug::hug::hug:

oh wow. your mother sounds so bad. how could she have thought up such a thing? I wonder what was going through her mind and how much shame she lived with. I just had a nightmare about my mother I dreamt she sort of gave Myra most of the money and left me with nothing. It was partially true. Later on in life she told me the state could take care of me. She hated that I mentioned that my father drank when everybody knew it.
I am so sorry you had to live with that overhanging your head. I forgot. did you nurse her when she developed and died from cancer. If so did she show appreciation and change. Am I confused?
love
bobby
when you didn't work for your father was he okay with you?

my youngest nephew sent me a happy passover and pictures of the two seders and said grandparents and a second cousin came. I already wished a happy passover. I just commented that I did nothing the two days. I hope it doesn't trigger a depression. the invisible aunt. I wrote him and said I have been thinking of my close friend today who pays my rent and don't know where I would be without her and I am so grateful towards her and love her

I feel as if I am walking a tight wire but I am still enjoying reading.

I am so glad that you are enjoying reading again.
(((((HUGS))))
sorry about the tight rope though.
bizi

When was the last time you saw Alice? How is she doing?

I'm sorry that you have to suffer with these ups and downs, and that so many things can trigger your depression:hug::hug::hug:

And I'm sorry that your nephews are so dense and insensitive :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you are still enjoying your reading tho :)

recently we have been emailing a lot. she lives in westchester and she has been very busy helping others ie like creating website.
it was so uncanny yesterday when I thought so much about her and how she has been a Godsend. Then I got the email from my nephew and how I wrote him how wonderful Alice is to me and how much I love her and wouldn't know what I would do without her. I was up most of the night thinking what I did.He seems so insensitive that I decided to give it back to him. The timing was weird.I think I did the right thing. I don't dwell on how helpful alice is to me. yesterday I did and the the email came.
robert came over and fixed the new lamp and the letter tray. I might use the new letter tray for my medication. haven't decided. I took my first statin. found out my diabetes a1.c went up because the atkins bats I was eating. I am now going to try extend.
robert's skin is beautiful. hardly any wrinkles.he does exercise on it and walks 60 blocks a day. He really looks young for his age.

wow that is 6 miles! that is awesome!
bizi

I gave it up for 18 years and then started again for about 8 years and then quit again

Bobby

I got lost what did you give up?

Donna :hug::grouphug:

cigarettes

Boy, do I wish I could quit!
I'm so happy you did :)