I am so scared about my spending. it is so out of control. it is so related to my depression. The stock market will probably keep on going down. I have no room for all the clothes I am buying. I hardly leave my apartment. I keep on buying shoes
good new suri got new cancer medication and she has been going to the dead sea. she thinks it will help her cancer. she uses a lot of holistic things. yeah

I am off risperdal and now on rexulti

Bobby

Keep working on things. You can do this.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

he said risperdal may prevent me from crying

I think I already feel the effects of the switch. I had weird dreams last night. I am sort of numb but not depressed. I just took another one. I feel like crying.

I rang cecllia's doorbell to give prince a christmas toy. I had ordered it before. I have missed him. she was friendly and said to come over later

When I went through a period of depression Rexulti worked really well for me. I know our BP is different, but I think it may really help you :hug::hug::hug:

What Mari said about non-depressed people not being able to understand what things are like for depressed people is true tho. My periods of depression are different and more treatable. I do know how you struggle, and wish things were different and easier for you all :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you rang Cecilia's bell, and she was pleasant. Did you ever go back over?

I wonder how long it takes to help. I am sooooo depressed. I am going over cecilia's at 6:30/ I will play with Prince. My kitty cats are being affectionate. I will take marci out for lunch on monday. then I will see zeynep who I now talk to at length almost every day. I sort of feel dead. I feel okay when I am eating ice cream. Practically all food now doesn't appeal to me but I am still eating. I have the ingredients for more cabbage soup but I don't feel like having it. I have been reading a lot but right now I don't really feel like reading. I wish I could just fall asleep. I got so many packages. the buying was a high but getting them is painful. no joy.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek?to be consoled as to console;?to be understood as to understand;?to be loved as to love.?For it is in giving that we receive;?it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;?and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

I have been listening to the messiah and thinking how suffering brings you closer to God

no mention was made of Pika. I played with Prince. Usually cecilia serves food but she didn't. after forty five minutes she said she was tired and looked it so I left.

just spoke with Suri and she gave me a way to view my life. she said most things are superficial and she loves to talk to me because I am always trying to talk to God. I told her I was beating myself up because stella called and it was a beautiful day and wanted to know if I wanted to get some coffee. I said I was too tired. I really wanted to stay in bed and think of God. Suri said I am on the right path and not to beat myself up. I was doing something really important.
bobby

I think Suri is right. She can help you as you help her :hug::hug::hug:

The Rexulti worked pretty fast for me. How much did your pdoc give you, and when do you increase your dose? I think I started out with 1/2mg then went up to 1mg.

I understand how you feel about feeling pleasure in eating ice cream, and not wanting anything else :hug:

I'm glad that you have plans with friends for the holidays :hug::hug::hug:

Bobby,

Good to hear that you talked to Suri. Also that you saw Cecilia.

I hope that the new med helps you.


M

I don't have plans for tomorrow. I am on 1 mg. Suri really helped me and I have a new attitude.

:)

That's great news. Suri must be a special person.

M

I'm so glad that Siri helped you! :)
It is amazing that you have a new attitude after you spoke with her. Mari is right... she must be a very special person.

I think 1mg is the max dose for Rexulti... at least it's the highest dose I've ever taken, and usually I max out on everything lol. It may take longer for it to work for you because your depression is so f'ing stubborn. I am optimistic that you will see some difference :hug::hug::hug:

suri is a very special person. Her cancer has a bad prognosis but I think she will make it.
I am very depressed but she helped in one aspect big time.
I have to stop spending. I think I do it because of the depression. right now I have a lot of packages to pick up downstairs. I have been buying tops. I will try not to go to ebay. I also have to figure out how to be happy while still being depressed. The cats have been very affectionate and that has helped but the depression is really bad. I don't know how long the market will continue to go down which is really scary. I am not doing anything about it. I just have to spot spending. I am still itchy. I have so many things to appreciate in my life but they won't cut into the depression. Marci is such a good person. Yesterday CEcilia called. she has a bad cold and once again is afraid of having cancer. I realized she needs me as much as I need her. I just told her she doesn't have cancer but she pushes herself way to much and has to stop. she might not go away today. she does agility class once a week besides attending a lot of trials on weekends outside the city. the agility class alone is two hours each way and an hour for each dog. she can't recover. I told her I would help find another teacher but she says she is paid up til March.
so far the new medication isn't helping and the depression is worse. I am also now ambivalent about getting the new kitty cat. since pudge was given a lion cut and is almost furless she is sleeping with me and abby seems to be less angry at me. I don't think she recognized pudge and thought I brought a new kitty to the house.
I am no longer beating myself up and just realize that I very lonely. I think I will order some chinese food for lunch
merry xmas

I think that not getting Pika ended up being a good thing. Adding another kitty to the household would have disrupted everything. But now your kitties are being really affectionate... things do work out for the best :hug::hug::hug:

I'm sorry that you are so lonely, and your so deeply depressed, Bobby. I really hope that the Rexulti works for you :hug::hug::hug:

It sounds like Cecilia really does need you as much (or more) than you need her. I don't know how you comfort her, or try to reassure her, that she doesn't have cancer when she is constantly convinced she has it. Did she have it in the past?
It does sound like she is running herself into the ground with the Agility training/drills for her dogs.

I hope you enjoy your Chinese food :)

she had cancer 16 years ago and had to have a trachetomy(sp)-she had a 50 50 chance of survival. the same kind as michael douglas.
I still might get roberta who is four pound scottish fold. It might mess things up but she is supposedly so sweet and lovable.
realizing how lonely I am lifted some of the depression. Part of me wants to be alone. weird.
I just had some cookies and a brownie from meals on wheels so I am not now sure about the chinese food.
love
bobby

What Cecilia went through is terrible. I'm so glad she made it through it. I wonder if she has PTSD?

Love to you today Bobby (((HUGS)))

I don't think so.
love
bobby

Pudge is sick. she has been throwing up. I might wait one more day before I take her to the vet. I might take her today to a new vet. He got great testimonials. (sp) I am still depressed and empty. I am now worried about Pudge and of course money. I am so lonely but don't want to be with anybody. can't figure it out.

I hope the vet helps Pudge.

I imagine that it's hard to have a sick pet.

I'm so sorry that Pudge is sick. I hope that she gets better on her own, and doesn't need to go to the vet :hug::hug::hug:
Have you read anything about the new vet's prices?

I can understand feeling lonely, but not wanting to be around people at the same time. I get like that sometimes. I don't think it's that unusual, but I'm sorry that you are feeling that way, Bobby :hug::hug::hug:

that is interesting that you have felt the same way. supposed the vet's prices are fair. pudge let me rub her tummy. she is such a sweet litty cat.
love
bobby

Bobby

Encourage Cecelia to go to the doctor about the thought of having the cancer back. I'm guessing its more because she is so tired or something like that.
Or something with the fact that she doesn't feel good. I know it sounds odd,
but I know when my sister ended up with hodgkens lekemia, she just felt so bad. And all the doctor's kept telling her it was in her head. But she just
knew it wasn't that she wasn't feeling good. She kept going till someone did the right test.

I realize sometimes its not something like this. But I would encourage you to encourage her to seek a doctor to make sure she doesn't have cancer. Or something else. It might be more that she just doesn't feel good.

And is really tired because she is doing too much. But it might be that she has something going on too.

So be that rock she needs right now. And encourage her to seek help.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

she has checkups

Pudge has an appt tomorrow at 9.30. I t will be a little hard since I am no longer strong and need a cane but will take a cab and it is a couple of blocks away. the first visit appt will be 50 percent off and forty dollars. then a 100. it then maybe 80. I am confused

Those prices sound more than fair to me. That is more like what my local vet would charge, and they don't sound like the inflated NYC prices you were paying before. I'm glad you don't have to wait a long time for the appointment either :hug:

I know you can get help getting her in the cab. So make sure either
the cabbie or the person at the vet comes out and helps you get
her inside. They can do this. Its something if they know its necessary
they will do.

Just ask please.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

pudge did dry heaving again but I think finally it was a fur ball. I have gotten like cecilia and worried that maybe she has cancer. My friend robert said he would walk with me to the vets. I don't know if I can go that far but I will try. My back is really hurting and I am taking a lot of alieve. Yesterday the Rabbi came over again. He is soooo nice and reflective. then I went out for lunch with zeynep and she treated me. I am really worried about Pudge but so relieved to see the tiny furball. My father Joyce has been wonderful and told me to keep on giving her nutrical. It is all over the place. Pudge still hasn;t eaten this morning. I have so many blessings. I wish I weren['t so worried and unhappy.
bobby

I hope Pudge is o.k. 'Sending healing vibes.

So cool that the Rabbi is helpful.


:)

News here is running the story of the transformer lighting up the sky.


I hope that you are feeling o.k.





M

"I have so many blessings. I wish I weren['t so worried and unhappy."

That is the depression, Bobby :hug::hug::hug:
I think that it is wonderful that you can recognize your blessings tho. Many people who are so deeply depressed are unable to do that :hug:

I'm glad that Pudge finally coughed up that fur ball! Since she is still not eating, I can see why you would want her to be seen by a vet :hug:

I think it's wonderful that Robert is going with you to the vet. He will be a lot of help. I just wish he would take the short cab ride with you vs. walking. Maybe you can explain to him that walking there is not safe/realistic for you? I remember he said you were out of shape once.

I'm glad that you went out with Zeynep. Where did you go, and what kind of food did you eat?

Good luck at the vets. Maybe the vet will also have a clue as
to what Pudge can or will eat. Maybe she is wanting an change.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

the vet gave her an i v and antinausea medication. He said she is very gassy. He gave two prescriptions. very nice and handsome vet and he only changed in 162 dollars. she ate a little.
I am in the most irritable mood. I just feel like screaming and swearing. too much pressure.

Finnegans I usually get the chef salad. they have the best french fries
robert didn't think the cabs were necessary and I didn't feel like fighting

Well he is wrong.
you need your kitties. just like we need ours to love.
((((((HUGS))))
bizi

oh no.... he said cabs and not cats.

Robert is a bit bossy.


I hope you felt o.k. about walking.