What kind of bad thoughts are you having, Bobby? Are you fixating on death again? :hug::hug::hug:

Are you sleeping at all at night?
I know you said you are not sleeping during the day... I don't know how you keep going... you must feel miserable, and that doesn't help depression :hug:

You sound deeply depressed :hug::hug::hug:
I know that your pdoc is just trying to ween you off of the Cymbalta right now... maybe after the next time you see him things will get better. I wish you could see him sooner :hug:

I wish I could help you feel better some how...
But all I can offer is love and (((HUGS)))

thanks so much. I am fixated on death. Last nite I slept and had weird crazy dreams. I see the Pdoc on the 30. I am torturing myself mentally. I am worried about diabetes but can't control myself.

I am going to try to have p.t. again.

I know that you've been struggling, so I'm happy that you will be having PT again. I hope it will help you :hug:

I remember you said you see your doctor soon. I hope that when you go, your A1c isn't too bad. I know you really, really worry, but it has been pretty good the last couple of times you have gone despite your overeating :hug:

I wish I knew of.a way to help you cut back, but the problem with overeating is complex and I'm no MD. Can you think of any healthy things to binge on vs. unhealthy ones?

there is a vegetable mix at fresh direct that i like and i am going to start having
it. I hope the pt. will call me. It is unlimited now up to the therapist.
Psalm 119:71
71 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.

That's a good one about faith.


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I am not quite there -- even so I do love all the psalms.
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Good luck with your PT and your vegetable mix.


M

It might sound crazy but I believe that suffering is a gift from God because it drives you to try to move closer to him. One of the Rabbis who visited me said that Jewish teaching says suffering is God's gift. Last night had another fight with Stella and this time I came out with a deeper meaning that we really are blessed by the depression when we turn to God and it will lead you to Heaven or the world to come. Don't look at bipolar depression as a punishment but as a gateway to heaven if you can withstand the pain.

I don’t think that sounds crazy. I like the way you are starting to look at things, and I hope that that way of thinking helps you :hug::hug::hug:

I’m not religious, but I do believe that suffering can make us stronger. I have had a hard life, and I think it has prepared me to deal with some of the other challenges that have come my way.

I have to really think about that.

I think that both things can be true at the same time.