there is hope!

Lots of hope I guess...
With my mood,
And with the neighbors, but
Unfortunately not with little Bella yet tho. I talked to my aunt this morning and nothing has changed.

I tried to lay down for a nap, but couldn't sleep. I can't believe it! I'm SO F'ING EXHAUSTED! I took an extra 1/4mg of Klonopin and will try again in a little while.

poor baby....((((HUGS)))):(
maybe you were able to get a nap.
hope so.
It is nice that you all hugged with your neighbor.

You did the right thing with the note.:)
bizi

OMG did I feel horrible yesterday!!! I was just exhausted and hurt all over- not to mention everything that comes along with taking mag. citrate. I did end up taking a nap... a 4 hour nap, went to bed at 9:30, and I'm surprised I made it that long.

I feel MUCH BETTER this morning. My pain's better, my head's clearer, I don't feel agitated, and I'm actually able to sit still! :) :) :)
I know that I've made progress in the past, only become hypo/manic again in a couple of days, but historically when gabapentin changes are made, and work along with other meds under these conditions, I usually don't regress. So, I'm hopeful, and glad I pressed for the increase :)

Bella is out of the NICU!!! :):):)
Heather and her boyfriend (who is a total s-) are staying with her in pediatrics for now. My aunt is starting to take breaks from the hospital, which is good, because she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

My little brother turns 30 today. He took me out to lunch on my birthday, so I invited him out for lunch today, and he accepted. We may also take a drive up to the hospital to see the girls. We haven't solidified any plans yet tho.
My brother and I used to be extremely close, but he pretty much closed himself off several years ago, and suddenly he is "back", and has let me know that. Maybe it is him getting older/growing up. IDK.

I will take my shower earlier than usual this morning so that I'm ready for... whatever, but no matter what else I do today, I have to get to the convenience store because Thursday is lottery day!

I did the iPhone update to iOS 12, and I'm having headaches from it. I'm also suddenly getting warnings that someone is trying to use my Apple ID 15 miles away, so I have changed my password 3 times. I've finally stopped getting the warnings. It's all a PITA :o

that is so nice about your brother!

I am so happy that you are going to have lunch with your brother and that he is ready to be closer to you.
Thank God somebody else in your family who cares about you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Kay,

I'm so glad you are going out to lunch with your brother. i am also
hoping you get to go see the baby. And if you find out what they
found out let us know.

I'm so glad prayers worked,

Donna :hug::grouphug:

This morning I feel very good... almost like I never had an episode at all :) :) :)
So, all it took was adding just that 100mg of gabapentin to the Vraylar? WOW
In case I run into trouble again, I can always increase the dose by another 100mg.

Heather said that there were a lot of things lined up for Bella for the day yesterday, so 2pm would be the best time to swing by the hospital, so my brother Chris and I went out to lunch first. He was in no rush tho, and didn't pick me up until 1 lol. We went to the Outback and they screwed up my steak twice, so they took it off the bill. We had a huge brownie sundae, which was awesome, and that made up for it.

The truth came out: My cousin was on methadone during her pregnancy, BUT they said that her doctors knew that, and were monitoring her and adjusting her dose. So Bella is having some mild withdrawal symptoms. This is according to her boyfriend, Dan. I haven't looked anything up yet to verify everything he said tho. I don't know that I want to.
Bella is keeping her milk down better now. There's a remote possibility that she will go home today, but probably not. Maybe tomorrow. I think that's probably a good thing JIK, and because I think that Heather needs another session or two with the lactation nurses at the hospital.

Bella is absolutely beautiful!!! Usually I won't hold babies (unless I change my clothes, etc) because I smoke, and don't want to expose them to the chemicals, but her father smokes, both parents insisted that I hold her, and the shirt under my sweatshirt was smoke-free. I held her for a long time :) :) :)
When Chris got Bella in his arms, his face got all red, and he started to tear up, which is something that reminded me of my father. I took a TON of pictures. I look bad. I was wearing makeup, too. I wonder how bad I look without it :eek:

We planned on a quick visit, but things didn't work out that way.
We were there for about 2 1/2 hours. I don't think that Heather and Dan have had any friends come by, probably because they are trying to distance themselves from drug users now. They both needed to vent, so I spent some time alone with Heather, and Chris spent some time alone outside with Dan.

Dan is odd, but I don't think my aunt is giving him enough credit. He fusses over Bella and Heather constantly, and I can tell it's not for show. He needs to get a f'ing job tho.

It was a VERY nice day.

But I was out for about 5 hours, so I was spent by the time I got home. I went to bed early, and am very tired this morning, but it was worth it :) :) :)

My brother is going to take me to the appointment with the surgeon next Friday because I'd rather not go alone, and Corey needs to save his vacation days in case I do have surgery.

it sounds as if you have a very special day.I am so happy for you about your brother. That is so wonderful!
love
bobby

sounds like a healing day to me.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi