that sounds so awful. I am sorry.
bobby

hospitals are very frustrating....
I am sorry for her poor care.
Does she have physical or mental problems?
bizi

That’s awful, Mari... that is not, and should not have been how things were done.

If your friend was admitted through the ER, which is most common, it’s not her personal doctor’s fault about the meds. ER docs can prescribe pain med, but the hospitalists usually don’t prescribe all a patient’s meds until they are admitted to a room, and they make the decisions about the orders.

If they had her med list, they knew what meds she was on, and could have simply called her doctor to verify he prescribed them, and told them they were necessary. Someone from his office would have been on call, and if not, the doctor would have been able to call back on his own WAY before 19-20hrs had passed if he was ever contacted. And depending on her medical conditions, that may not have even been/should not have been necessary. They could have prescribed different/less potent meds in the meantime, and advanced them if her pain was not under control. They took WAY TOO LONG to straighten things out and make sure she was comfortable :mad:

What a shitty hospital!!! :mad:

I feel so badly that she was suffering for so long, and I hope that she is getting better care now wherever she is. Of course being at home is best :hug:

Even though her brother is an A/H, I’m glad that you think that she will be taken care of well in a home with family (((HUGS)))

I hope that the brother gets back to you soon so that you don’t have to worry about where she is, and how she is doing :hug::hug::hug:

Thank you, Kay.


I appreciate that.


I called the hospital and learned that she is in a room.
I did not go to visit her.



M

I'm glad you know where she is, Mari. You don't have to visit her every day. I'm sure she has a phone in her room. You could always give her a call to let her know you are thinking of her (if you are a phone person) :hug::hug::hug:

The hospital said they do not have her.


I suppose she is home.

But calling her might not be useful because even in good health
she disliked phones.



When AND if I feel like it, I will drive over there and ring the doorbell.


M

I hope she is able to control her pain....and that she is being taken care of.
You are a good friend.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I'm sure your friend is just happy to be home, if that's where she is.
After a hospital stay, a lot of people need time to settle in, and I'm sure your friend doesn't expect you to run right over there anyway :hug:

How is it going?
How are you?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi,

I'm O.K. moodwise. It helps to ignore everything.

I've been going to bed around 9 or 10 A.M.
I sleep 7 or 8 hours.

Then I stay up all night.

So I don't even go outside the house.

Hubby does the grocery shopping and the cooking.


M

I will make a plan to stop by maybe Saturday after I have to get my haircut.

That has been our routine lately anyway --- for me to stop by when I am already out in my car.

It really does help to ignore things or block things out :hug::hug::hug:

I'm glad that you are sleeping and your mood is okay. It sounds like you are really doing better now that you don't have to go to work- do whatever you have to do that works for you (((HUGS)))

It makes perfect sense to visit your friend while you're already out.
I hope your hair comes out nice on Saturday :)

I saw my friend at her home for the first time in awhile.


Her house is a mess.
She does mostly take care of the 3 cats but not much else.

I tried to vacuum but had a hard time dealing with the frightening ancient machine.
It was so huge it was like trying to tame a beast.

I would pay for a cleaning service EXCEPT that hubby told me no f-ing way.

Sister said I can buy (1) a light-weight cheapish vacuum and (2) a mop-thing at Walmart that I can probably manage.
Sis even texted a picture of the mop-thing she uses.



M

you are such a wonderful friend.

Cat fur is such a plague, you are a good friend to her.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

You really are a very good friend to her for even wanting to clean up- never mind trying to :hug::hug::hug:

Those lightweight vacuums can be very inexpensive (some are worthless, especially for cat fur tho), and maybe a swifter could work on the floors?

You are amazing, Mari. I hope you are doing well (((HUGS)))

Yes, Kay,

She relies on the swiffer-thing.
I would buy that tool as well.
Do they have have a smell? I am so sensitive to chemicals.


At home, for cleaning products we only use Seventh Generation Soap, Vinegar, and, on very rare occasions, a little watered down Bleach.


M

Yes, the wet swifter pads and spray tanks have a fairly strong odor.
But if she has the cheap one that doesn't have the tank on the back and the spray trigger, you can pinch wet or dry pads onto it. And you could wet the dry pads a little, and spray any cleanser you like as you go. It's not ideal, but it's worked pretty well with bleach for me before, so it should stand up to your natural cleansers. I just wouldn't use anything that has too much residue or too many suds.

I hope that helps :hug:

Thank you, Kay,:)


After reading that, I realize there is no way I can deal with the swiffer stuff due to my multiple sensitivities to chemicals and such.


Friend has tile floors.

I'm so confused because I want to pay a service and cannot see myself
doing any cleaning.

Maybe I'll drive to see her Sunday / today because there will be less traffic than
there is during the week.

M

Cleaning her place is not your responsibility, Mari but I can understand why you would want to make sure that she is living in a healthy environment. You really are a good friend :hug::hug::hug:

Paying hourly is one option. You could get a quote to just hire someone to come in to clean the kitchen and bathroom, etc... just the areas of the most concern. That wouldn't be too expensive, and something you could negotiate with your husband. When I was a home health aide, I could clean a kitchen, bathroom, and vacuum a smallish place in less than an hour because that's the only time I had to do it, but I don't know how housekeepers work...

She may also qualify for some home services at a low cost that could include cleaning since it sounds like she is very ill, and home-bound. That's something her brother could look into.

I hope that you are doing well, and taking care of yourself (((HUGS)))

I would honestly think she probably does qualify for home care
with housekeeping. I'd talk to her brother about that.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

I get help because I am disabled and don't get that much social security. I think she should get a social worker at an organization that can help her and get her things. I might have gotten mine because my place was a wreck and they knew I couldn't do it myself. They send a bill each month but say you don't have to pay it

New to site
 

Hi
I take 300mgs 3x a day for trigeminal neurolgia. It does help a lot. Can make you sleepy

welcome!!
bobby

Sad but maybe relieved
 

Friend's brother#1 had returned from his two-week trip to Germany/ Europe.
Brother#2 was driving from many states away and expected to arrive at dinner time.
I left before dinner.



=-=-=-
She and I talked a bit.
She said that she's moving in with the first brother, partly
because her docs do not want her driving anymore.

That puts her a six hour drive from me so I would not be seeing her.

I don't trust her brothers to appropriately handle what's left of her money.
Both of them are grifters.


M

Hi,

I'm happy to hear that it helps you.:)

I am glad that she has family to step in to provide a home for her.
Sorry that you will lose a friend.....
I am sure there are a lot of mixed emotions for you...maybe you could help her pack?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

that is so sad.
bobby

Mari

I'm sorry that she is moving so far away. I am also sorry that
they wont be able to take good care of her money for her.

You have been a very good friend.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Welcome Ladymoe76

Donna:hug::grouphug:

Hello, and welcome! :)

I'm so glad that gabapentin is helping you! Yes, it can make you sleepy, especially before you adjust to it.

Mari,

Why can't your friend can still control her own finances?
I thought that she was moving just because she can't drive.
Is that something her brother(s) are insisting upon?

I can understand your concerns about her moving away. You will be unable to see her, and you won't be able to check up on her welfare. I'm so sorry (((HUGS)))

I hope that everything works out, and these brothers of hers end up being better men than they appear/seem to be, and she gets good care without getting preyed upon.

Kay,

She and I did briefly talk about money but she has rarely been open about it even to me. She said she has been approved by the state (disability??) . . . . . . . I don't know.
I asked her if she could keep up her mortgage payment while not living in her house. She said that she could and told me the amount but I forgot because it did not matter to me.


Before he left for the Germany trip, her younger brother told me that he had gone with her to help her officially quit her job and take the money out of her 401K.
That seems controlling but she does need help and she had stopped going to work.

Years ago, when he wanted to buy property, he had the cash but not the credit so she co-signed.
Since then, he has bought duplexes that he rents out.

That same brother is in a city with the best hospital in the state so I can
hope that she can get good medical care. I trust him somewhat wrt her
care.

It's hard for me to know exactly know what is going on about the driving.
She can't deal with much. Except for when I saw her in the ER, she has been strongly medicated. The hospital sends a car for her and then sends her back home.

I don't like the older --and very broke -- brother at all. He drove from across the country to be at her place a little after dinner time. I left a few minutes before he arrived.
=-=-=-

M

It is hard to know exactly what is going on in this situation, but I get the impression from what you said that your friend is competent, and knows what's going on with her finances, but she's in a vulnerable situation and it sounds like she may be, at the very least, suggestible.

I hope that the younger brother can be trusted with her care, and that she will get good care at the hospital near him... unlike the care she got at the hospital you visited her at :hug::hug::hug:

Would you feel comfortable asking her any kind of questions about her brothers? I know that you probably wouldn't be, but I thought I would ask anyway.

I'm sorry that you have so many worries about this situation. It sounds like based on history, you have a right to them (((HUGS)))

You are a good friend and good judge of character. I hope your friend stays healthy enough to keep track of things. Especially taking out her 401K. Could be a large sum that temps unscrupulous brother to "barrow", or worse.

You sound like you are feeling better. I hope so.

Yes, I can realistically hope that she gets good care.

She is going to stick with her brothers.


I'm going to ask that this thread be closed because I am want to stop posting about this topic.
Thank you.




M

It's not a lot of money because she was not as dedicated as others might about putting into their 401's.

Her brothers will mostly see to it that she is provided medical care until the end.


M