[GeeLuv]

Lol

Reading that back, most of it makes more sense than I thought it would. I just kinda got into a bit of a downward spiral at the end. 😅

I'm just...scared to just say what I'm really thinking. Honestly, 2021 didn't get off to the best start for me and it's still iffy... And now I am pmsing and probably oxygen deprived from being cooped up in the house for so many months now... now it's too cold though, and I sorta have no desire to get myself dressed up to go out. Ugh!

AND the hyperfocus on things, like my novel, my famous person community (And all that drama, that I may or may not be partially inventing. &#128546 and just social media (Twitter being my drug of choice).

But I escape to the net, because I'm so dissatisfied irl...

Dammit! That's kinda the truth of it, but I don't really want to open that can of worms, so...like can we talk about soap operas or something? 😅

[GeeLuv]

Ok, just to catch up from last time too,

Sleep is atrocious. I'm requiring a nap most days now because I don't get to bed till 4 or 5am and wake at noon. Basically less than 8 hours, because even when IN BED at those times, I don't sleep until after about an hour (not just restlessness, but more because I'm drinking water and having to pee it out).

Last night I tried the like hour before bed timeout, but by the time I got in bed, my mind started racing about my next profile design. Top that off, I woke up at 9am and could not get back to sleep. Too hungry, I guess? Whatever, so that was 5 to 9 (4 hours) of sleep. I just had a nap and lunch now...its 5pm.

So, I dunno! It's just so hard to break this cycle!! Not to mention pms symptoms don't help.

Forgot what else. Oh! Just that I'm so petrified to do anything doctor related/experiment with meds until this Covid stuff is done. And I'm kinda stressed cuz I've things backed up now, dental things, gynecological things, skin things....not all issues necessarily, but checkups and few concerns.

Sigh!

Ok, post 3. Think I've said enough now. Don't you? 😉

[bizi]

Are you still married/separated?, how can he stand your sleeping routine?
I got to sleep in today nothing pressing just had to get up and ready to go to lunch our usual place for chicken and sausage gumbo. I got up at 11am Had went to bed with hubby at midnight. He bought noise maker Bose ear plugs.(cascade is his favorite) because I snore.
he has been sleeping great now and I don't feel badly for snoring any more.
Are you eating? cooking a meal for the two of you?
Are you losing weight because of your addiction?
These are questions I have.
Maybe it is none of my business. And I don't know if you want responses from your blog/thread.
bizi

[GeeLuv]

No worries, Bizi! And Bose? Nice! Good brand, according to H. I'm glad you no longer have to feel bad.
Last night was pretty rough for me (physically). I'm having my "day of Hell" (that day when my menstrual cramps are so painful), and my painkillers expired. *shocked* How could I have missed that?! (I'm actually wondering if this was the 2nd of a 2pack and so the date wasn't very far out to begin with...but I guess I still forgot to put this on the shopping list?? 🤦*♀️) Anyway, so I was up till 5a in the pain...but I'm awake now at 11:30a. I'll probably be in bed most of the day until H can pick up some more painkillers for me.



Ok I'll answer what I feel comfortable with and I do appreciate constructive feedback <3

Well, so yes, I'm still with H. Married. Yea, he hates the schedule and picks at me for it quite often. But it's not like I don't try. And I read an article on ADHD that made me feel a bit better, that this isn't necessarily my fault. It's an added challenge for me to do these types of things. H has kinda checked out in regards to supporting the help I need for this. I'm not sure if my primary doctor has enough knowledge about ADHD, and I'm still hoping to wait until Covid is over, to bring up experimenting with meds again, and trying something for this. :/ +but yes, I'm at the point to reconsider ADHD meds again.

What else? Cooking for us. Yep! I've actually been pretty good with that.

Also, wanted to wait till I got to the scale this week to check, and we'll I am on my period, so weight could be bit higher, but I don't believe that even if I had lost weight, it was very significant. Actually, my weight was up a pound since last checked in December.

Anything else?

[GeeLuv]

Oh, just one more thing that I want to share.

So lately I've been getting to chat with my favorite cousin/favorite person(?) in this life! She's actually my cousins daughter and it's not a blood relation, but we all feel like blood. (Very close)
This wonderful young lady, 17 years old now, has been a beacon of light for me in this world. I've known her since she was just 2 months old and H has since she was 2 Years. H ADORES her! So it kinda helps bring us closer too.

She's a special girl. Has struggled, literally for her life, all her life with physical health issues and developmental delays. She has come a long way though, and I'm so proud of her!! We text right now, and it's just like texting any other person I text with. Last we spoke on the phone, it was a bit difficult to keep up. Speech is one of her struggles (what is it? Neurological developmental delay?) and so I would have a hard time with many of her responses to me. Text seems to help, but also, it has been a couple years now I think. We did talk about doing a video chat too though, so will see how that goes. I'd love to see her and make her feel better to see me. She is constantly telling us (my folks, H, me...) how she misses us, and it kills me! I mean, I think while it's true, hopefully it's just for lack of something else to say too. But I feel like I would do anything in my power for her! She (did I say it here yet? This mobile is so slow and painful, hard to recall and to even look back) she is my beacon of light in this world. I mean, yes, she struggles, but she is also just the sweetest, and every time I think of her it's with utmost fondness! Love that girl soooo...........................well, to infinity. (So much! &#128521

Anyway, just wanted to share this. 😊

[GeeLuv]

Oh! Forgot this too! Link to the ADHD article and the site that I get updates on daily.
This is pretty much all my experience. Little less on the like introverted bits near the end, but can even relate somewhat (I'm like a bit of a mix, with maybe a tad more extrovert/or extrovert in that I thrive on human connection). Anyway, in case anyone was interested. It's a more thorough description of what I'm going through.

Brain Stimulation and ADHD / ADD: Cravings and Regulation

[bizi]

Hello! nice to see you again.


Did you get a medical doctor or psych doc

or nurse practitioner to diagnose you?
I know people who are bipolar and adhd.
bizi

[GeeLuv]

Before I respond to that, I just want to say I've been feeling pretty down and out today. I mean, like really down. Can't think of the best description. But feeling very sad about losing connection with people due to circumstances out of my control. And I NEED that connection. ...

Um, well yea and so just sleeping the day away, not because I'm tired, but because I just feel so whatever the word is. (Depressed basically)

And it's moments like these on and off over the past few weeks, (plus the anxiety/?paranoia?) that bring me back to questioning bipolar2 diagnosis again...when last week, I was hung up on ADHD.




Now, to answer the questions
A therapist in like 2017 was convinced I had ADHD.

I was tested for various things by another office (therapies and maybe psychologists. It's really confusing tbh, but I assumed it was legit). My results showed traits of of different things, and "unspecified bipolar". Nothing about ADHD, if I recall. By the time I was tested, it was already 2018 or so. I tried a bit of DBT, but that failed me. And the Phycologist failed me. The bipolar meds only made me fat and in a constant low mood, the NP from the same office gave me Intuniv for the "ADHD" (b4 I was tested), and that failed miserably. (It made me feel really sick. Like agitated, skin crawling, sleeplessness, and I forget what other unpleasantries). I was convinced that wasn't the solution, that nothing of meds were working. And I got off all meds but the antidepressant/antianxiety and was actually pulled out of therapies.

So now it's just my General Practitioner. I haven't seen him now though since like last summer and things have been occurring on and off thru last year and then now this year, mostly this depressiveness. Since nothing lasted too long, and I really didn't want to go on meds that make me fat, I rode it out. Then last week I wanted to try ADHD meds again...but Covid, so I want to wait.

Now I just feel depressed by it all. About life. About feeling disconnected from the things and people that make me happy. So...not sure to what degree meds will help with that tho. 🤷*♀️

[bizi]

I am sorry you feel let down by your medical team for psych issues.
There are meds that are weight neutral geodon is one of them.
I think lamictal is another med that is weight neutral.
I don't know what meds you were treated with. It can take different trials of meds to get the right mix.
lamictal could be a good med for you it is in the anti convulsant category as a mood stabilizer. helps with the highs and lows too.
bizi I am not an expert in anything but have taken lamictal for a long time.

[Dmom3005]

Hi G

Please get yourself in to a doctor. And when it comes to trying a medicine.

I also have no exact idea of one to try. But my suggestion would be to ask for one that would be good for both adhd and depression right now. Even one that works for ups and downs in mood would be good.

Each person is honestly different.

Donna