Yea, but it wasn't actually because of that. Meh, it's kinda resolved for now, but I was just feeling lonely and extremely bored. I was also laid up with lady cramps, so that's a big mood buster, plus the hormones. Bleh! Feeling better now, mentally anyway. Still kinda crampy, maybe a bit better there tho too

Edit: oh! And good news! Guess what hubby said to me today?! He felt great to get out of the house today after being stuck for so long. He now realizes why I need the internet so much for coping with life and that he'll stop bothering me about it. But he does want us to try to get out more on weekends at least. That's totally fair, I think. So great eh?!

that is so fantastic!
fondly
bobby

I almost forgot! I have more great news!

My super shy nephew, who only really talks to his dad (hubby s brother) and my hubby, actually requested to speak with me today!! I feel so loved! He was sharing his food and drink over the phone with me. Omg was so adorable! He's our youngest nephew, less than 2years. I'm so happy he's coming out of his shell! Especially because it's with me too. Ha! But now I truly understand why my hubby wants to visit him so badly. It must feel great for him to be so adored by the little guy. :) So cute!

That's great that hubby understands now :) My hubby has always been understanding of me using the internet :):grouphug:

Aww, so cute :D :Heart: :grouphug:

Well go figure my good mood with hubby wouldn't last. Lol No, it's not that bad now that I've cooled off. I just got so frustrated that he didn't want me having too much pizza, that he cut me off, because he doesn't want me getting sick and requiring the ER. Yes, actually it sounds sweet, but I really just wanted/felt like I needed that extra slice. And the fact is, I really don't know what exactly caused me to go to the ER. It could have been the food, but that specific food I never will eat again, and the other possibility is excess screentime, which is getting screwed because I'm so mad and trying to distract myself from wanting to eat more. Sigh! ...ok, I'm actually kinda sad too. Like alternating between sad and mad, and the sadness makes me want to sleep, but that's no good to do on a full stomach. Hmph! Sigh. :/

But! I had a good chat today with my family. We did a conference video chat. It was crazy, but fun. Got to see the rest of my family for the first time in over a month! Crazy how time flies!

Ok, now I'm craving cake for some reason...oh yea, someone posted a cake picture from their Easter celebration. Waaaaa I want cake! :p

Sounds like he is trying to take care of you. Maybe just next time tell.him you'll put a piece up for an couple hours later

it sounds as if your husband is really trying and being protective of you. It must be so frustrating but also so endearing.
take care
bobby

Yes, he really is. He told me that if I did have to go to the ER, that he likely wouldn't be let in with me...or is that another thing he came up with to scare me?? Gosh, I dunno. But I mean I understand his concern about not wanting either of us having to go to the ER in these times. Scary! So I do appreciate him trying to keep me well.



So, update for today. This Friday morning I have to go in to the city for blood work. This means I will have to start fasting around 10pm Thursday night and go to bed much earlier. Well, I'm not quite off to the best start. I didn't sleep again until almost 2am, and I didn't wake up until like 11am today. Well, the wakeup time isn't horrible, but the trouble is I didn't eat breakfast until 1pm. Whoopsie! (Whoopsie is my word of the day, btw. Lol) So...i mean, I'll probably struggle getting to bed early tonight, but I guess I'll give it a try. I was supposed to workout today but for some reason I'm not into it. Maybe later.

What is also making everything difficult is that hubby is not working and is sleeping in and keeping me in the bed too. Lol (he needs his cuddles. Well, so do I, but it's bad for my routine) And hes been hijacking the PC all day and night to watch his show, House. *rolls eyes. I just wish he had a different computer because I NEED the PC for my writing as well as typing these posts faster and without eye strain. Ugh! I mean he has a couple of laptops, but maybe they don't have the best speakers. I dunno. But I'm just frustrated by that being in my way when all I wanna do is win this writing challenge and double up on my daily word counts. Well I can't do that when I'm tired after waiting for him to be done, etc. Sigh!

But, I'm doing alright otherwise. I mean, I dunno. I'm getting kinda sleepy and bummed again because of this frustration and lack of desire to just do chores without my PC relief! Hmm. :(

https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net...15&oe=5EB940FD

Decided to buy some flowers for the wife to replace the ones lost over this past winter. Also bought a raspberry plant and a strawberry plant. Strawberries are starting to blossom but a tad small :P

Hey @gethprime looks beautiful! Thanks for sharing! But don't you want to make your own thread? You can update us on how you're doing and we can comment there. Just a thought. Maybe you don't visit here that often though.


Well, I'm just checking in today, but not really much to report. Just trying to reset my schedule. Went to bed at 1 (which is better than 2 or 3am) and woke up at 10 even though I was tired. Didn't get out of bed and eat until 12 noon though. Still, that's better than 1pm. Slowly but surely right? I was weirdly tired this morning though. I don't really know why. Maybe food coma. Ate more pizza for dinner and then almond butter before bed, so maybe it made me sluggish. Im awake now, even before coffee, but it was weird. I hope i wont feel that way on Friday. :/

Well, hoping the best to everyone! Hugs

Gee,

The person who put picture, because I can never remember spelling always visits puts picture on and just says hi

Donna

Ok Donna. Thanks for letting me know. :)


Well, I suppose no truer are the words "no news is good news" than was for yesterday, because now I'm kinda down in the dumps. Little better than I was last night because the headache is gone, but I'm still feeling sad. and no, it's not about "the thing", but just some other stuff. Missing someone...actually, missing a few someones, but this one in particular who I'd been talking with every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and then poof! They're gone. I understand they're going through something right now, but i guess I am too and really could have used that stability. But yeah, speaking of stability and missing people, there are a few folk on this site that I'm missing too. I just hope everyone is ok. That really is my primary concern, but secondary is my personal feeling of loss. So, just kinda feeling alone...and with that said, I'm also not feeling like being around others that remind me of this person right now, so that makes me feel even more alone!...I'm sorry for whining here right now. Of course I don't feel entirely alone because I have you and I have others, I just...well, I guess it's just part of my attachment issues. But I mean, wouldn't anyone feel this loss if they were talking to someone daily and it was all good times and then poof!?? I dunno

Oh guess what?! It snowed here last night! lol not quite sure how I feel about that honestly. Well, clearly it made me laugh. It's just because it has been such crazy weather lately I guess nothing shocks me anymore, and yet it is still funny??...I guess I just need to find humor in something. :P Also, I forgot/slept through my nighttime meds last night. (whoopsie!) I meant to wake up in the night and take them, but I must have forgotten or slept through the night. Highly unlikely that I slept through the night, but the fact that I even question it a little bit is a good sign that I slept well! As I said, my headache is gone and I feel much better waking today than I did yesterday (felt awfully tired and wanted to go back to sleep, but didn't). :) So that's good news i suppose. :) But it's odd that I slept better without the Gabapentin...maybe it's just still in my system though. Hopefully skipping last night won't trouble me much for sleep tonight.

Well, I think that's a pretty thorough update for this morning! hehe Yes, I haven't even started my day. Oh wait!!

I remember one more sad/noteworthy thing. Tonight is the final episode of the season of NANCY DREW (caps for anyone else watching and following this thread ;) ). It's sad because it's the last episode and I thought there were supposed to be a lot more episodes. hmm But it's supposed to be another good one. Last week's was so good!!! So, I guess there's some good in it, but I will really miss it and I'm a little afraid it won't come back for another season. I hope it does, but I'm afraid. :/

To recap: I'm kinda sad today, but a little emotionally mixed apparently. also-NANCY DREW TONIGHT ;)

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

It's been a sad type day for me too. But it's part of our life. I'm hoping things are cheerier tomorrow. I also miss some folks on here and hope they are getting the help they need.

I hope things look up for you tomorrow. It snowed here today

Donna,

I also hope you have cheerier days.:hug::hug::hug:



M

I am so sorry you have had a sad day. things will get better.
fondly
bobby

Well, I got my bloodwork done today and now I just wait and hope that the results are in the healthy range. I certainly don't need another reason for hubby to lecture me, so I'm a bit nervous, but trying to stay hopeful.

Unfortunately, i haven't been very physically active, but maybe tonight I'll get back on the treadmill for a bit and/or do my yoga workout. Sigh! Why do I have to be lazy beFORE my testing?? I truly hope that didn't effect things.

Hugs to all who need them!

GeeLuv,

You are doing well going to the doctor and taking care of yourself.


M

Hey all! Been quiet eh? Hope all are doing ok! Hugs!

So, I'm wondering why I seem to keep forgetting to take my meds after lunch. I mean, like an hour after lunch. I can understand because an hour is an odd time to hold a thought. But then today, ugh!, I literally just took them out, put them in my pocket to get water, and then forgot again! wth?!! And I also took a nap again tonight. At first I thought the naps were from the Gabapentin making me sleepy, but now I'm wondering if it's from missing these afternoon meds (aspirin actually). And I feel like kinda depressedlike too before sleeping, but there's also the tiredness. Sigh!

GeeLuv,
:)
For remembering: I leave notes for myself.
I also set alarms / reminders via Alexa (Amazon device: Echo Dot )



M

Ugh, my phone is deleting message.

Try setting alarm on phone. Good luck.

Donna

Thanks folks! But unfortunately, I was forgetting literally as I was going to grab my water to take the pills. So no alarm or whatever would likely fix that kind of short term memory failure. I hope it's just a fluke.

Today I did end up eating meals earlier, well breakfast and then I had a snack and ate lunch later and was able to just take all my meds with lunch. Think this is the best plan. :)

Hi, GeeLuv! :) I've been away, dealing with some issues, & I missed you. I think you're doing great, in spite of how hard it is sometimes. Snow in the Spring! That seems beautiful to me. Even though I didn't see it for real, I kind of did. Thank you for mentioning it. I hope tomorrow & the weekend will turn out enjoyable for you. Take care, dear friend! :grouphug: :hug: :circlelove: Hugs & love to you!

Thanks Waking Light! And all the same to you! Missed you! <3


So, a couple of things to update. First, I finished and won my writing challenge for the month. Yay! Go me! Lol
And some other pretty good news, I don't have any issue with triglycerides or cholesterol, so hubby won't be on my case about diet stuff. I did have some red stuff. Not exactly sure what that is. Will have to ask, but doctor is only concerned with "optimizing" and "supporting" my thyroid, dhea, iron and zinc. Thyroid might have had some red, but was still mostly good, and the supplements were within range, but must be on the lower or higher end. Anyway, that's a relief!

That's about the most exciting news in awhile. I will be getting busy the rest of this month and next month with a new project I'm working on with hubby, so it may or may not effect how often I log in here. But I won't forget anyone, and I'll be thinking of you! Love and hugs!

Actually, I'm really not doing ok tonight. Frustrated, a bit angry, and just sad! Ugh! I was going to type it all out, but it probably won't do me any good. Maybe hubby was right, I am unfixable! :/

Btw, and kinda unrelated to the above, but yet another frustration. I looked into this support groups site (suggested to me by someone) but I don't want to do anything showing my face or using my voice. I cancelled my account just as soon as I created it. Sigh! As I said, unfixable!

Feeling hopeless. :/

you are wonderful and you are some sort of bipolar which makes you more special. Our suffering makes us so caring for others. It is all right if you are unfixable. you are part of the grand plan. You just have to learn to be kinder to yourself and set reasonable expectations. A little while ago a prescription worked for a few days and it made me feel normal and made me realize how being bipolar carries such a weight on the shoulders. It really is hard dealing with that weight and we really have to try to be gentle with ourselves.
so fondly,
bobby

Beautifully said Bobby! And GeeLuv, you are loved just the way you are, by God, & by your friends, & probably people you don't even know who like you a whole lot. :hug: :circlelove: Hugs & love to you!

Bobby

Beautifully Said. Remember this next time your down please.

Next Gee, I personally don't think I could join a group online to get help more than like here. Because we pick who here we allow in. And we decide when and how much we will allow others to know.

So remember we are here for you.

Donna

I just have to say, reading all your messages yesterday (offline) really helped! I'm so grateful! I'm feeling better today. Still have sad or difficult things in my life, but am able to push them aside for some relief and laughter and, as I said, be grateful and see hope again. :)

:grouphug:

You are a pleasure to know, GeeLuv. I'm glad you had a better day. :hug: I hope tomorrow will be especially enjoyable for you! :)

Hehe

Well, not sure it's especially enjoyable, but I'm okay. It's just, I'm tired/sleepy and the weather isn't helping. It's cool and wet from last night's rain and cloudy. Sounds like it might storm again even, unless that's noisy neighbors.

Just feeling lazy and this sleepiness a lot lately, but I've got stuff going on this month so I hope it's just temporary. Although I had to force myself to do a little exercise last night because I'm also gaining weight and not happy about that. Think it could be the Gabapentin, but also the tired/sleepy stuff is making me not want to exercise regularly. :/ ...but at least I did a little last night.

Think I really just need to shower right now, but feeling lazy (of course, right? ;) )

I'm proud of you, GeeLuv, for making yourself do exercises. I have the same low energy problem most of the time these days & I can't seem to force myself to do any part of my routine, which is only making the problem worse. So be sure to give yourself a pat on the back. It's really hard. :grouphug: :hug: Hugs! :)

me too for both.

hi gee, I have not been able to read every ones threads yet. forgive me for this.
bizi

That's great that you've been exercising :) I have not exercised today. I need to do so tomorrow :grouphug:

Hey Bizi! No worries. Take your time. But I am going to have to make a post today. (and I did a mini recap below so maybe you won't have to catch up on everything. hugs)

Also, thanks everyone. I still haven't been great, but I'm trying to at least take mini walks during the day a bit and some yoga at night. Better than nothing!

Ok, so I have to update. Lastest thing on my mind is this phone call to the insurance. I have anxiety when it comes to phone calls most of the time, and this has been worse because I want to do this call without hubby knowing. As you know, we are around each other most of the time these days, so I don't often get the chance and when I do, I get scared (of running out of time because usually I don't think about it until later when he's out on errands). But today (pat on back, BUT) well, I finally tried. Go figure, they are not in office today! :( I'm really sad and sick from the anxiety. :( The reason I'm calling is to determine my benefits for mental health services...I'm not even 100% sure what to ask for tbh. Is this "medical"? I assume it's "benefits". I'm anxious from not knowing and not knowing what in the hell they are talking about if they do respond. But seriously, I'm not sure what to ask specifically. I guess one question was if psychologists are covered like therapists are and/or does it depend on the doctor?...

and that's a whole different hell/anxiety! I have no idea where to start looking for these services. I mean, I got started, but the websites just list pages upon pages and you have to click on each one, or click a few times to see the description and by the time I go to the next one, I've already forgotten the last...and as I said, there are pages upon pages more. Plus, I wasn't too pleased with the care I got locally and a lot of those folks are from the same few clinics, but I have no idea about specialists in the big city next door. It's just so scary! :(

And why am I doing this behind hubby's back? Well, because I was hoping I could get a few good ones to pursue and THEN ask him if I could try again. Thing is, he explicitly said he doesn't want to do couples counseling. And in the past, he's made such a stink about therapy in general and pretty much said I wasn't going back when I was quitting. I don't know if he'd still be this stubborn now...but the other problem is is that he got a pretty big pay cut this year and lost his bonus and everything and might be losing more if this "thing" doesn't turn around soon. We are trying to stay calm and positive, but the truth is we've had to cut back spending already. I highly doubt he'd want to pay for therapy at this point.

I'm sorry. I think I've already mentioned this problem and was concerned folks here would stop talking to me if I didn't go back to therapy. I know now that you'll still support me, but I guess I wanted you to know that I was trying. Kinda seems hopeless though. I mean, maybe that's the other reason I'm so nervous about the insurance call. Why bother if I can't afford anything right now anyway?!

long rant and I haven't even talked about anything else going on. I dunno! I guess all of this and the fact that I'm still having marital issues is just a big stress on me. I'm just doing my best to cope and stay sane in these times, but it just makes me think too much and sometimes that makes me sad. Like for instance, this morning I was thinking how I got up too late to really get online much and I was feeling really blue about it. But if I'm this blue from missing out online, am I addicted? And if I'm addicted, does that mean things are just so unpleasant at home that I NEED this to cope?! I mean, I'm not saying hubby is all terrible. He's not. But it's like a ticking time bomb thing. Never sure exactly what's going to set him off and start us on another fight. grrrr :/

Ok, think that's a good update. If BIZI wants to skip a lot of what you've missed, this is a general update. One good thing though is my writing. I did a writing challenge last month (yes, finally got some creative energy and inspiration back <3 ) and I won my challenge/made my word count goal. :D And now I'm sharing the story so far with my Mom. She had positive feedback on the first page/day I sent, but now I'm a little nervous what she might be thinking as she reads the rest. Still...at least someone irl can know some of my real thoughts and I think that's necessary at this point. A parent isn't my ideal idea of a person to share these things with, but she's currently my "best friend" and the only one I trust with this stuff. Also, she's quite the bookworm, so hopefully she'll have some more specific feedback...although it is still a rough first draft, but you know...the content.

Thanks for reading folks! I know this was a long one!

:grouphug:

need to add something to my recap/update.

I think I had started Gabapentin before Bizi left, but not sure. Anyway, I have had some success with the sleep, although I'm sleepy/tired during the day. sigh!
I was wondering if it's doing anything for my anxiety. Still probably won't know for sure until I'm off Clonazapam completely. Also wondering if GP had planned to keep me on this "as needed".
I'm also concerned about my recent weight gain, but it could also be in part of lack of exercise (Gaba might be making motivation hard, but I've other things going on too). Hoping this is/was temporary as I said above, I'm trying to fit in exercise.

Finally, and this is where BIZI inadvertently reminded me (also, possible TRIGGER Warning) my BFRBs have not improved and have maybe even gotten worse. GP said Gaba was supposed to help with this. Nope!

Obviously, I have to have a talk with GP. I actually have an appointment the week after next...but it's at 9am. (sooo freaking early!! for me!) I'm not sure how I'm going to do it, but I also need to follow up on my bloodwork and this stuff, and I doubt I can reschedule and get an another appointment before July or even August...or later if he takes summer vacation (I don't know!).

Ok, think I'm caught up...lol but I'll guess Bizi will still try to catch up with earlier posts. lol so i'm sorry if I waste your time, dear!

hugs everyone!!!

argh! one last update! it's a post thing to my first post (the call to the insurance company)

So, this call took a few minutes, right? Well guess what?! Hubby had a fit because I didn't do my chores earlier. (I still got them done on time, mind you) but I "should do chores first, not waste time on the internet". booooo!!! I was taking a break between chores. Whatever! I'm a little sick of him! Funny though, he's good for the most part of the day and then gets all whiney/cranky at night. So it's this roller coaster of emotions all day long. bleh!

Just needed to vent.

I am so confused. Is your husband sympathetic and empathetic or not. Does he make everything worse or does it balance out. You seem to carry a lot of pain.
I could be mixed up. what would you want with a therapist. I think during these days there must be a lot of free services.
I don't think you are being gentle to yourself.
fondly
bobby

My husband is cranky in the evenings, he needs a lot of quiet. He doesn't get at me about chores though...

In an ideal world (which it never has been..) what would you want from a therapist?

Have you thought about online therapy :)
(nothing to do with ''these times''... just in general, it can be easier to talk without being interrupted by them at the wrong time, maybe :D Having had a lot of sub optimal therapy I have been thinking this...

:hug: