that is so great that you have taken care of a lot things. you must feel relief. zucchini is great. i steam it with water and butter and lemon and breadcrumbs.
my stomach was okay again. this morning i had the lemon juice and baking soda and in a few minutes i really went. somebody told me to see if it works for five days before i get excited. it could be a fluke.
i can't believe pudge. she is a lot more active and sitting on different things. yesterday she sat on the table that abby uses to get up on the bookcase. i think she did it on purpose. abby waited and waited and then jumped up anyways and avoided pudge on the way down. they have hardly ever interacted. pudge went on a chair and abby jumped on the same chair and then pudge started swatting her and abby jumped off. usually abby is the aggressive kitty.
the antidepressant hasn't kicked in yet.
love and kisses
bobby
also pudge has begun to sit on my computer chair and i hate to push her off

Sounds like Pudge wants you to see her having fun with Abby

I'm glad things are going so.well

i have been watching too much tv again and i am terrified and the antidepressant isn't working. i had a lovely time talking to aaron last evening. i asked him more questions about kant. he mentioned the book of five rings. i have read half of it.
today i talk to my therapist

how did therapy go?
bizi

he wants me to be happy and he doesn't seem to want to deal with my being the family scapegoat and that I am not friendly with my nephews so I feel all alone. He got excited when I mentioned my cats so we talked about them and he says he wants to hear more about them. He is happy about my volunteers.
He doesn't want to deal with my pain.
love
bobby

Bobby

I'm wondering if he doesn't know how to handle your being the family scapegoat.
Especially since there isn't much he can do but listen to you. Because other than your nephews there is no one else alive right?

Also you might want to remember until the covid came along I think you were tAlking with one of your nephews weren't you. And visiting some.

I don't know but maybe you can find some ways to get to know him.

Donna

my youngest nephew emails me pictures of his two sons. when myra was alive none of them contacted me. it caused me a lot of pain that for a few years alex lived ten blocks away from me and i didn't even know it. the oldest contacted me for a while because he wanted information on the family and if i could recognize some of the relatives. he called me when my sister died.
it is so very painful and i am so fragile. the middle one i was once in contact with him 25 years ago or so when the oldest got married.
they are all republicans but I read that the middle one had given money for obama.. two of them know that my friend is paying my rent and one is very rich, another is a millionaire and another might be a billionaire. my friend isn't wealthy. when i asked myra for help, she only gave me 300 dollars and she had a lot of money.
fondly
bobby
they don't give a sh#t that I have always been mentally ill.
when my mother ever needed something from when i was a very little girl, she always asked and would burden me and i would do it.

Hi Bobby & everybody. I've been fulfilling some small goals of my own. Yesterday I did some necessary shopping. I was thinking, Bobby, much of your depression is actually grief, & maybe that's why your antidepressant doesn't work sometimes. Can you find an online grief support group that you could join? They would be able to understand your feelings a lot better, & you could help them, too, which might be uplifting, in addition to feeling understood. Tell the kitties hi for me! And I hope you have a happy & pain-free weekend! :hug: :boy(music): :circlelove:

you are really getting things done. great.
as you suggested i looked up some grief forums but they didn't suit. i also looked up some scapegoating ones. you are so right a lot of my depression and pain are from events and not bipolar.one of my psychiatrists said if i had a different family my bipolar wouldn't have been so bad.
love and kisses
bobby

lately i feel a lot of bipolar rage. I can never forget when my mother said let the state take care of me.
Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi interprets the parallel between anger and idol worship stems from the feelings of the one who has become angry typically coincides with a disregard of Divine Providence – whatever had caused the anger was ultimately ordained from God – through coming to anger one thereby denies the hand of God in one's life.[13]

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
love bizi

Bobby

I'm so sorry your mother said that. I wish I had some words that would help but I don't. I think the only thing that helps with that kind of thing is to.talk it through.

I'm sorry your therapist won't help you.through that

thank you so much. I am going to try harder with the therapist to say I need to talk through the issues which will help me a lot more than talking about my cats. Then I upset myself further when I read about idol worship and not accepting
Divine Providence.
a rabbi intern is calling me in two weeks and i will ask her.
fondly
bobby

Take care Bobby! :hug: :circlelove: Hugs & love to you!!

thank you so much. I did a lot of thinking last night and focused on everybody is
flawed. There is research that says that some people are born with kind genes and some are born with selfish genes. I found that fascinating. The selfish ones have to be trained to be kind.
I think I should focus on to try to be a better person and selfishly feel lucky that I have it so much better than most of the people in the world.
In the afternoon I had a half a bottle of wine. that didn't help my depression. I guess that was a Godsend.
love and kisses
bobby

i just finished a book by a new author. i like her so i downloaded some of her books on kindle. i am really going to try to stop my spending spree on clothes.

what a mess. i tipped over a cup which i am going to throw out.my telephone got wet and now both telephones are giving a busy signal.

they are working now. i ordered a new phone and 15 foot extension cord.

Hi, Bobby, I'm sorry about your phone. I had a similar accident & ended up having to get a new phone. You sure are a soul searcher, very analytical & introspective. I do some of that myself sometimes. It's wonderful that you love to read & get so much enjoyment from it. I hope you have a really nice day today Bobby! :hug: :circlelove: Hugs & love to you!

I am glad that you found a new author that you like. I am reading a story called the the circus and it is good but I fall asleep right after
I start reading it. so it is taking forever to finish it. I really like it.
magicians with special powers.
have a good day bobby. (((((HUGS))))
love bizi

i took a bottle of magnesium citrate this morning and nothing happened. . i took another one two hours ago and I am so scared. i hope i go. i just went only a little
It worked. I was obsessing that I would need surgery and that they could find cancer I was just so frightened. I never had problems until I started taking these medications. Now I think I also have IBS..

I take 500mg of colace 200mg in am 300mg in the pm.
I think it is working .......still struggle but no impactions so that is good.
I have always had bowel management issues since taking meds. I am not drinking enough water though and getting not any exercise. I really need to
see if my gym is open. But think that might be a bad idea. They have huge fans circulating the air so it is always cold in there. Planet fitness. But then again it could circulate the germs....yikes.
bizi

Hey Bobby!

I think you can still believe in Divine Providence and get angry or rage. It's what you do with that feeling that matters though. But again, we are also just human, so that is why we need forgiveness. We need to forgive ourselves too. *hugs*
p.s. I speak from experience. I've gotten into moods in the past where it feels nearly impossible or even painful to suppress my wanting to act out on my anger...but afterwards, I do feel bad and try to make up for it. I dunno. I hope it's enough!

Speaking of hope. eh hem. The new (but old) band/aritst I'm currently into has some powerful lyrics. One such lyric is about hope. "Spread hope like fire." It also goes on to say "spread love like violence." I think you might have to think a bit about the latter one. Seems kinda like very opposite things, but I guess the point is that negative things spread so much easier than positive ones...but we need to strive to spread the positive ones as much or more than the negative ones. Right??

(I'm so very obsessed. Sorry for rambling on!)

those don't work for me. why don't you get a recumbent bike. i think it is so dangerous to go to a gym. the virus is so easy to catch and even if you don't die from it it can cause so many awful permanent side effects.

practically every morning i wake up nauseated, another symptom of ibs.
love
bobby

i think if you can always remind yourself of Divine Providence and God is in control that can help being bipolar. How to make it a habit. I got rid of three friends this year which got rid of a lot of angry moments. they were toxic. I am alone practically all the time and now don't talk much on the phone. I would love to spread love. those musicians must be great. who are they?
fondly
bobby

i have been so worried about getting my 4 rugs back from a cleaner i know nothing about. the building paid 931 to have them cleaned.i have a stomach ache. i first got a wrong number and freaked. i called again and got a busy signal. i called again and got the woman whom i first talked to. she said she was going to call me today to see if they can be delivered tomorrow morning. i feel both relieved and very anxious.
i hope it goes well and i will have one less worry on my plate. reading that ibs can cause nausea in the morning was in a way a relief.
the ac is working great and i also use a tower fan. i am scared of the electric bill but it will be worth it.

another relief. my ac bill which i have run non stop plus my fan is about 150.i was afraid it was going to be over 250.
I found a chinese restaurant that delivers! I have so missed chinese food even though my stomach is usually bothering me but not right now.

Dear Bobby, I'm so glad your ac is working reliably now, & it's not costing you as much as you expected. That's great. I think for your kitties, too. All is fine with me right now. I just will be so glad when this pandemic thing is over. And it will be over at some point, so I am hanging in there & staying safe. God bless you Bobby! & take care. :hug: : :heartthrob: :boy(music):

Bobby

When it comes to IBS, I've always found that when you find foods that
are soothing to eat a few. And to try and keep up with them as much
as possible. I have ulceritis colitis and I have to watch what I eat. But
I've figured out what taste good for my stomach. My son has crohns,
and he has to really watch what he eats, because his stomach will hurt
but he will find things that are okay and eat them as much as he can.

It is hard, but its doable.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

oh Donna I am so sorry. I just looked them up on the internet. can talking aloe vera help? You have so much on your plate. As I have written before you are such an incredibly strong person. I am a wimp. Do you have faith in God and pray a lot.
you are just so wonderful and so brave.
love
bobby

my volunteer aaron called me last night. he found out that he passed the diplomatic test and he was busy telling his wife,his mother and father and brother in iowa. he also wound up getting a part time job where he will work from home. i said now you will be too busy to call. he said no and he will call me twice a week as usual but it might be a little later.
robert is so incredible and worked on my phone, computer and desk .marci helped cleaning the desk. i never have her go near the computer but with robert directing her i wasn't afraid.
hopefully this morning i will get my rugs back..
I think my ibs would be better if trump was removed or died.he terrifies me and now i am afraid of martial law and the postal service. he wants to send all the youth and adults to death-pure evil.

I got the rugs back and they look great. i am hyperventilating because I have been so nervous about them because i knew nothing about the company and I had to pay by check. now i just have to worry about the lease and the virus and trump.

do you have spray Lysol. That is supposed to be good for spraying large areas, including your rugs you just got back.
A friend of mine said that she sprays her rooms daily,

I think that is a bit over load.



any way...
I hope your IBS settles down now that your stress level has decreased.
Brocolli I a good green that you can eat raw with sour cream dip.
We just had creamed spinach, had a friend come over for dinner on sunday night.
His fiance Just got back from hong kong. I have meat loaf we can make them dinner one night this week. I also have a pork tender loin that looks good.
no clients for me again today3 tomorrow I think,

sigh...
meal planning is hard to do. I think.
bizi

i can't find lysol. broccoli is bad for ibs. i love creamed spinach. drinking ginger lemon tea helps.
love
bobby

I have changed my diet for various reasons & then experienced positive changes. So I am a true believer in the chemical effects of what we eat.

that is so fantastic. what are some of the foods you are eating and eliminating?
love and kisses
bobby

magnesium oxide
 

Manages Gastrointestinal Problems
When magnesium oxide is mixed with water, it is called magnesium hydroxide—this mixture can help with naturalizing stomach acids. One study of 276 people found that a combination of simethicone (an agent used to decrease gas), activated charcoal, and magnesium oxide was more effective than a placebo for managing indigestion.2 Many antacids use magnesium hydrogen-based substances, but few studies have looked at the effectiveness of magnesium oxide alone.


Relieves Depression
Magnesium oxide may help manage depressive symptoms and behaviors, as it may have positive mental health and stress reduction effects. Several studies have confirmed an association between magnesium intake and depression.3


Reduces Blood Pressure and Risk of Stroke
Research from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition finds that diets high in magnesium can reduce the risk of stroke, especially ischemic strokes.4

 This type of stroke occurs when the artery to the brain is blocked. The cause of most ischemic strokes is high blood pressure, and research finds that magnesium supplementation can help to lower blood pressure.

Reduces Migraines
Magnesium oxide supplementation may reduce the number and intensity of migraines. Research shows the majority of migraine sufferers are magnesium deficient.5 The American Migraine Foundation finds magnesium to be an ideal treatment for migraine relief and prevention.6

Lowers Colorectal Cancer Risk
Some research indicates magnesium oxide supplements may reduce the risk of colorectal cancer. Research reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition finds that high doses of magnesium are linked to a lowered risk of colorectal tumors. The report suggests that for every 100-milligram increase in magnesium, the risk of developing a tumor is reduced by 12 percent.7

yesterday i was so nervous even with the rugs delivered i couldn't even concentrate to read

Bobby

I'm sorry you couldn't read since this is one of your outlets. Did you try music

yes i tried listening to whitney houston but nothing seemed to help. I just wrote an email to my building management to see when they are going to send the signed lease.
fondly
bobby

i am now listening to flute music and I spilled lavender essential oil on my pillow and now the whole studio smells like lavender. I still can't read.
Management contacted me and said I WILL GET MY LEASE TOMORROW. I had a nice couple of exchanges with her. I told her about my anxiety and she wrote back and said she suffers from it too. I suggested chamomile tea and lavender essential oil and then next one I told her whom my psychiatrist is and sent her a link to a lot of his reviews. she appreciated it.
Ira M Bergman, MD - 17 Reviews - Psychiatrists - 116 Park Ave, Upper East Side, New York, NY - Phone Number - Yelp

i just got the lease

i am just so miserable and have been so tired. I am going to stop taking the buspar. I speak to my psychiatrist on thursday.. He didn't answer my emaill.
again i had to take two bottles of magnesium citrate for it to work. I am just getting worse. My sleeping is so bad. I think the therapy is showing me how awful my life is.