you are a good friend to her.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

It's just awful that there has been so much loss and sadness for you in recent times. Look after yourself over there. :hug:

You are such a good friend Bobby. I'm so glad she got a chance
to talk to you. It will do her good to talk to you.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

you don't understand. she couldn't call me before yesterday. she is in so much pain and not sleeping. she thought peri had a few more months. she died suddenly with her eyes open. she is going to cremated.
I am so worried about zeynep. she pushed herself to the limits. she is close 85 although she looks as if she is in her late sixties. she is still very beautiful.

this is a great website for depression an anxiety and also IBS. Anxiety and Depression Support | HealthUnlocked I go there and it helps me realize i am not alone. so much suffering. if i could cry i would.
still waking up each morning and thinking I love my mother and she couldn't help herself.
fell off the bed again reaching for something. big black and blue. i won't cancel my p.t. appointment tomorrow. i need his compassion and help with the simple exercises.

Bobby

I didn't mean she could have called you before. I just meant it
was good she called you.

Just glad she could call you.

Donna :grouphug:

thanks so much. I am so worried. i wonder how much a person can take at that age. that i can't mention to her. i really marvel at her. i mentioned what great care she showed for her ex husband of 35 years who didn't die that long ago at about 96 and with whom she had three children. he remarried for 8 years and the woman got 8 million. zeynep who asked for the divorce only got 4 million.

That is a lot of money!

zeynep should have gotten the eight million. they had a 14 room apartment on park ave

wow! that is a crazy amount of money!

Bobby

I think she is just a really nice person, that hopefully others will
help take care to make sure she is taking care of herself too.

I am sorry I don't have good tips, but prayers for you both.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

her grandson is always very concerned about her but i think all the others come to her with their problems.

finally got seven hours of sleep. zeynep called and we spoke for an hour. She didn't mention Peri except in the beginning when she said how sad she was.

Bobby

Sounds good, and i'm glad you got 7 hours of sleep.

Wow bet that felt really good.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

it was amazing. i am going to lie down some more. the p.t. went so much better than the last time. i will see him next week. he is so special.

Glad PT went well.

Donna

I am glad that you spoke with her an hour I am sure you talking together is a comfort for her as well as you.
love bizi

got five hours of sleep. woke up horribly depressed. it has to be chemical. i talked more yesterday than i did in years. i also spoke for a long time with alice. i had a great session with amelia, my new therapist. i asked her was i too old to be helped. she said one of her clients was 97. Aaron called and he lectured to me for a long time. he is so kind and brilliant. sam called and said i sounded like a happy optimist. i laughed hysterically.I did a lot of talking and was back being a therapist. he has trouble with relationships. i told him it
was so very important to examine how he felt about the person rather than worrying how the person felt about him. He likes a law student now who wants to find a job in manhattan. she said later she might want to go to europe. then he quoted me and said red flag. i giggled and said yes. he thanked me so much. i wonder what his therapist tells him. His parents divorced when he was seven and they constantly fought.
aby was so extremely affectionate. we head bumped a lot.
I haven't weighed myself in ages. i just ordered 4 types of bread. no control.

bread freezes well and if you keep it the fridge it will keep a long time.
We have daves killer bread in the fridge and it has been there for months. We don't eat much bread.
How is your tummy?
love bizi

i threw it all out and wasted money. i took a bath but my stomach still aches. the maalox isn't working. i told my social worker intern a few secrets i never told anybody before.
if my stomach ache goes away i will do my exercises.
keep warm
love
bobby

you must have felt secure and at ease with her/him to tell secrets to.
How did that make you feel after ward? what was the response?
bizi

she is only 22 and a half. she is a very pretty chinese american who has such a gentle voice. she promised that she wouldn't repeat what i told her to her supervisor. I can't wait to talk with her next week. she shows so much compassion and i feel she so strongly wants to help me and understand me.. She knows how much I suffer and is not afraid to work with me. She takes her time in responding to me.. there is a freshness about her. at first i couldn't believe i told her some secrets i haven't told anybody. i guess i just knew she wouldn't say anything that would hurt me. i have always been way too sensitive. There are more secrets too that i will probably share with her. I have had such a crazy life. I have been such a jerk.
an old friend called last night but i was feeling so lousy and trying to sleep really early that i didn't answer the phone. Flora didn't sound good on the voice mail. I will call her in a couple of hours. She assumed I was out and having fun. what a joke. She was one of my very best friends in my twenties and early thirties. then she moved and married.
love,
bobby

Bobby

I remember when you stressed about asking for a new female therapist.
I'm so glad you did, and you got one that you really needed. See asking
and receiving someone that was exactly what you needed was great.

I'm also so glad you are talking to your friends.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

Is the 22 year old asian gal your new therapist?
bizi

yes can you believe it. i also have a middle aged female therapist.

i am worried. i called a dear friend yesterday after i sent her an email. i don't know any of her friend's or her sister's name. i hope she is okay.
just went on a spending spree. will try to call joyce at nine. i looked at obituaries and she wasn't there. i really care for her.

just spent over 1/2 hour talking to joyce. she is fine. her email wasn't working and yesterday with help of her nephew she took three of her babies to the vet. jerry her main coon now weighs 26 pounds. he gained so much weight from a special food and has to lose a lot of weight.. she has 9 cats and a young doggie whose skin condition is better.
she knows i catastrophize and she really apologized.

Bobby

Glad you got to talk to her. I'm also glad it sounds like other
than the kitty that needs to lose weight her others are good.

I hope you are too now.

Donna:hug::grouphug:

i really got a stomach ache and nausea. i think i am just going to have tea with sugar and no food. i don't know what to do. you can't believe how many cans of no salt or low sodium soup i have. i haven't done my exercises today. i might try them after the tea.
love
bobby
i am so glad i threw out all that bread and food.

i got so outraged when heard that supreme chief thomas's wife is a lobbyist who makes a fortune with so much conflict of interest. that made me want to vomit.
Is Ginni Thomas a Threat to the Supreme Court? | The New Yorker

last night i had two awful nightmares. One was I had covid and the other somebody emptied my brokerage account where i have most of my money.
I just checked that and thought since i hardly go there my password and login wouldn't work. they did and my account although lower was fine.
I am such a wreck and feel so lousy. last night i kept on feeling how mentally ill i am. my two meds hardly work and lately i have been feeling very scared.
pudge slept with me all night. Yesterday. i have never been called a treasure. but Joyce called me a treasure. She flooded me with more compliments. when had her store and sold beautiful kitties that were expensive if she didn't like the person she wouldn't sell them one.
I can't wait to speak to my therapists. i did get more sleep. i have to read up on old people who alone without family and protection.
maybe a lot of the things i feel are normal for my situation. I am not going to listen to the news today. i can't watch dumb tv shows so hopefully i can just sleep and read.

my parents watch 60 minutes i think that is on pbs at 6pm on sundays and jeopardy every night. 7pm i think.
It is hard to find good tv just in general.
bizi

Bobby, I'm sorry to read that you've been feeling scared. That's probably why you're having those nightmares.

I don't watch tv at all. I do use my computer for shows and news, but the news is mostly all bad these days and not just the regular old "bad", some of the news is really, really bad. I have to avoid it sometimes. I find some of the series good when I'm feeling like that. I have some boxed sets and I also have a couple of subscriptions so I can watch them on my computer. I like the series ones because I really can get involved in them. I recently watched The Sopranos again and before that The Good Wife and I have many others. Sometimes I rewatch The X Files just because I loved it so much.

Do you feel scared because you're on your own or because you're not feeling well and it's complicated getting help if you need it? Maybe both? I think it's totally usual for people to have scared feelings when they live alone and are not feeling well. Plus, while we're all spending so much time isolating we can sometimes feel a little detached or disconnected from the hustle and bustle outside the window. I imagine that you could possibly feel that especially considering where you are situated. I'm out in a rural area so don't notice it as much I guess.

When was your last medication review? You mention they're hardly working and you're not sleeping and everything else and I worry about you.
:hug:

i also like sixty minutes but haven't watched it in so long. i don't know why. i hate shows where people make fun of other people. i am too sensitive and they get me angry and unhappy.
love
bobby

i never tried the x files. i will try it out. i don't like violence. i tried the good wife but the main character really irritated me. i did love one pbs series years ago but can't remember the name. there was another science fiction that i loved and the lead i think had white hair. i would watch that again if i could only find it. I still watch way too much news and so worried we are going to lose our democracy.
i don't feel well. i have ibs c and my stomach is usually always bothering me.
i haven't been lucky with medication. they have tried so many things on me and they don't w.ork. the last two tries made things much worse. now i am afraid to change or add anything new.i speak to my new psychiatrist on Tuesday and will ask for the klonopin and aplenzin. i can't remember why i am not on a mood stabilizer.i have tried some. i recently tried geodon and i thought i found the magic pill. i felt wonderful, slept well and was in control. I realized how awful my bipolar 2 makes me feel and interfered with my functioning. sure enough it just worked temporarily and then i had a terrible reaction. i tried another antidepressant pristiq that was supposed to help me sleep but instead made it impossible for me to get any sleep..
You are right why i am so frightened. i loved playing racquet sports and of course my dogs and cats but i have mostly negative memories. i am an introvert and feel so isolated. i really made some bad choices with men and friends. i was raised as a very little girl to be a caretaker and was never nurtured or taught to take care of myself.
I really am finally getting help now. I like my two new therapists. i really like my caseworker. i have two young,late twenties volunteer guys who call me and a rabbinical intern.
When my friend Suri was alive i felt so much better. we always talked about God and i felt close to him. now it is hard. she fought breast cancer for three and a half years and died at 60. We never talked about death.
that is when i got ibs right after she died.
i think about death a lot but am too terrified of God to do anything about it.
My p.t. is working and i am positive i will not need a walker.
fondly,
bobby

We have the series of the xfiles and loved them.
Right now we are rewatching seinfeld. I bought
the entire seasons 9 of them for his birthday.
I think we are on the 7th season.
I am waiting for my husband to say lets watch LOST again.
I will wait patiently.

I will say that the x-files is rated PG13.
we really get into the actors.
Can't wait for the new movie of Downton Abby.

Now that is a favorite of mine!
Some one mentioned good pbs shows on sunday nights.
I hope you try the xfiles.
(((((HUGS)))))
love bizi

i only watched part of a seinfeld and didn't like it. i didn't think it was funny. i hate shows which make fun of people.. the other pbs was too slow for me.
i love to listen to music. i love andrea bocelli even though he doesn't have a great voice and i don't understand italian. i love leonard cohen who also doesn't have a great voice. i think Bach is the greatest composer of all time but righti now don't have the patience.
i love to read romantic historical fiction that is witty. when i find an author enjoy i read all her books. i also use my imagination and can go at my own pace. when i read them. right now i can't seem to read anything serious.
Everything I read has to have a happy ending except for russian short stories. they make me feel.
currently i am seem to be so angry.
love
bobby

also worried that we may lose our democracy-ick

Is democracy failing and putting our economic system at risk?

Not trying to get you to watch. But Derrick loves to watch the chinese
shows on Hulu I believe on anime he has even gotten me interested
in a couple of them.

They are romance and sometime other type things in the shows.

Donna :hug::grouphug:





]

i don't have hulu

my p.t. went great. james is wonderful..
had first zoom meeting with new psychiatrist. she was so lovely. no change in medication.

I am glad that you had a good day, new pdoc, physical therapy,

happy for you!
bizi