[Mari]

Hi,
My bipolar friend returned to work today after being out on disability since December 2005.

A few months ago, when he started talking over the phone about coming back to work I encouraged him.

People at work this morning were very nice to him, even giving him a special welcome during a big meeting.

BUT back at the office we share it was impossible.

He is a clean freak, anxious, ocd, selfish, and a control freak. He also has a good touch of mean ness in him. This is when he is doing well!! He has been miserably depressed and anxious the whole time he was gone. And today was hard for him, as it was his first day back.
Today he was worse than in the past and I was in less mood to put up with it that I used to be. He wanted to move my stuff, he wanted to keep fussing and worrying about his stuff, he wanted to make changes in the lay out of the office. He was on the phone the whole time (we have one phone line) . . . . .

Also, perhaps because of his ECT he forgot that some of the changes in the office were done by HIM (not me) before he left.

My boss and collleagues are telling me that I can have a big empty office down the hall for myself. Get this, he doesn't want me to leave. He is afraid that in the future the dept might give him a roommmate not as nice as I.

Then he was trying to take my stuff: phone because the speaker function on his is not working, a new book bag I had, . . . .

Many months ago, I bought a small beautiful lepidolite crystal to hang on the wall near my chair. It is supposed to offer protection in the workplace, and well, it looks nice. I walked in and saw him climbing over my desk to take it off the wall. I had to holler at him and say, "Let me have my crystal." I felt so looooow for acting that way.

Gosh, I hope that he doesn't read here, but I really need to vent.

So I spent 3.5 hours dumping files and drawers of stuff from the new office. The a/c was out so my clothes were soaking wet with sweat by the end of the day. After I cleaned out the new office, I straightened out my old office a little more so that he won't totally freak when he goes in tomorrow to straighten up.
Yes, he is gay, and very much a queen. That's what he calls himself when he is joking.
A few people asked me if he was all right. I said he is fine.

Oh yeah, and in the middle of this I was trying to get work done. We have a lot to do and I was dealing with various people in the office and on the phone........

He looks bad though because he lost lots of weight due to his depression. His voice is weak too. He is hoping that being back to work will give him his life back. I'm happy for him that he is giving work a try and fighting past the depression and anxiety, but I am pretty sure that I do not have to feel responsible for him.

Oh, and part of me is annoyed with him for sticking with truly sh!tty pdocs. Years ago I tried to get him to go to my guy. No. Then again later, even though my fabulous pdoc had left town, I told him that he needed to change pdocs. No. Then when his pdoc suggested ECT I knew for sure that he was seeing a crappy pdoc. It goes on and on. In other words, I am annoyed that he didn't listen to me and get better pdocs. I guess I think part of this is his own fault for not listening to me. I feel that I don't have to be patient with him.

And the truth is I have been good him. BUT I think I am allowed to only be as nice to him as I want to be. That's how I treat the other people at work -- I am tremendously nice. BUT I don't have to be so nice that I can't stand myself,
Sorry this is too long. I don't have time to make it shorter.

Mari

[bizi]

OMG!!!!
Sounds like the day from *ell!
What an awful first day back....it truly sounds miserable with the ac not working.
I am glad that you have a new office...all to yourself!!!!!
and yes You get to be as nice as you want to be....and it sounds as if you are going to have to set up some boundaries for him...he is not your responsibility.

Please be patient with yourself....as you figure out all of this
and I am confident that you will.
bizi

[Dmom3005]

You had lots of patience with him today.

And you did a great job.

And you need and deserve a new office.

If he does get a new officemate that is his problem.

But then he will work it out.

Don't worry he will you will see.

Donna

[dorrie]

Mari....I loved your post!!! Sounds weird but I did! Sometimes we really need to vent and I felt as if you were right here at my diningroom table telling me. I love to vent once in a while! It is so important to get rid of anything negative pent up in us. It does not help our health if we keep it all inside of us! I love the fact that we can come into Neurotalk and get things off of our chests! Why carry it around when there are plenty of wonderful people here to hear what you are feeling and to help us carry the load. In my 12 step group I do the same. In a closed meeting I "dump my *h*t!!" They are there for me to listen but they can let it roll off their shoulders much easier. When I do go and dump my*h*t I leave it there! I do not take it back on! So dump your *h*t Mari and feel good about it

[befuddled2]

Mari,

I hope tomorrow is better. I'd say you did rather good with what happened.

befuddled2

[mymorgy]

I don't think it has anything to do with impatience...but rather on how to handle a hurricane in your work environment. I am confused. You are moving into a single office right? If the answer is no, then move. It doesn't sound as if the fellow is ready to return to work and doesn't need a facilitator to help him function at work....you have the right idea. He needs better mental health care...so he will function better. Don't let him become your problem again. How can you work on your own if you have him dragging you down?
Bobby

[fiberowendy2000]

Mari,
You need to be away from this guy. He is obviously trying to make his problems your problems and isn't ready to be back at work.
First of all he knows no people boundaries, touching your stuff the way he did.
Second, he needs people skills.
Third, just because he's gay is no excuse for being a jerk.
Fourth, don't be mad at him for not going to YOUR doc. He's a supposedly grown man and makes his own decisions. If he's messed up, he did it. Personally I believe the man needs another ECT dose!
And finally five, MOVE! Get that AC fixed and do what you have to and take care of you!
I would have taken this guy's head off by lunch. So you did really good today! BRAVO!

[Nikko]

You did a great job on his first day back, but it is time for you to move to your own office, you don't need to put up with him.

Go for the office of your own.


Good Luck, Nikko

[Mari]

Hi,
Thanks for letting me vent and for offering your insight.
Today I stayed home and slept the whole day -- never even got dressed.

On Monday they gave me the key to the new office and I requested new paint and stuff.
Also, I have been thinking about how to arrange the furniture and decorate the walls.
So I'm there.

My ex-office mate will manage on his own.
I've been practicing distance with him for years now. (He's got personality issues waaaaaay beyond his depression/anxiety/bipoalr.) But it's not my fault that I understand him more than anyone else at work does. I think that is what my problem is. I know what is going on.

I will keep working on distancing.


Mari

[bizi]

hubby covered a hughboard with holes all over it for hanging stuff on...he covered it with this rich wine colored fabric...it really made his office look nice with his degrees up there etc.
Kind of fun redecorating jsut your place.Crystal rehung?
glad that you could rest today after your drainig day monday.
Here is some cookies...
bizi