I know it sounds cruel but maybe your karma is to change your friends and find friends who are trying to help themselves rather than looking for others to do their own work. I think it is part of learning to nurture and love ourselves. Being bipolar makes it so much worse because I think we feel the other's pain or at least it feels that way and it is so awful to feel helpless.
It is almost more comfortable to put ourselves in harm's way...do you agree?
If you believe in karma, then it might be easier for you to change because you can say that your friend is living through his karma and he needs to go through this to evolve...and you shouldn't hold him back.
Bobby

Dear Bizi,
Thanks. I will keep my hubby close. He keeps my thinking clear.

Dear Bobby,
You are right. I can let them live through their own karma and be helping them while I am doing it.

I started nurturing when I my first brother was born. I was 17 months old.
My mother was mostly out to lunch.

Mari

boy did I freak when I read and reread 17 months....what a nurturing nature you were born with. If you weren't born with that nature, you would never have done it.
I hope I have the patience to write this
In the Old Testament and the story about Abraham and Issac and how Abraham who didn't believe in human sacrifice was told to slay his only son who he waited a life time to get. Some interpret the story as a test from God for Abraham to go against his nature and show his utter faith in God..to do something that so went against his nature. He was going to. He passed the test and showed true faith in God.....I always think of that interpretation of the story when I am faced with something that goes against my nature.
It sounds as if you have a handle on the "sacrifice" you have to make in order to really help your friend and yourself. At least it sounds that way.
Bobby

Yes, Bobby,
I am a nurturer by nature. I have spent years learning how to nurture myself. That is the part that goes against nature for most nurturers I think.

Tomorrow I am going to the hospital to go see him with another work friend. She is one of those people that goes to visit the sick and honor the dead. I think she is my hospital/funeral buddy at the moment.
(And well this might sound crass, but people at work really do need to know what is going on. They need an update -- both for personal and work related reasons. . . . .we know from today that the hospital on the phone says that he is in ICU and his condition is unchanged.)

Anyway, after that, in the evening, I am going to a Buddhist meeting I think -- I usually end up changing my mind. Sometimes even the buddhists seem too intense for me. I need to rest from stimuli. Still, it might be a good place for me to end up at the end of the day tomorrow.
And they will be supportive in the right ways.

Mari

Mari - I have always been interested in Budda's. I have a few in my house.

What are the meetings like?

I hope your co-worker is doing better.:)


Nikko:hug:

Of course you wouldn't tell people at work that he is there because of an overdose, would you? <worried> I don't think that legally you are allowed to divulge that information.
I'm sorry there is so much trauma for your friend. It sounds like you were there for him like a rock. It hurts to be so sensitive and in tune to other people's pain - they are drawn to you for nurturing, but that means that you are exposed to and absorb much suffering. Remember to find someone to hug you a LOT! and to let go of what you cannot change...
gentle hugs

Hi,
If his boyfriend called me, I'm not responsible for keeping the info secret. I have no legal obligation either way but I do feel a need to protect him.

My work girl friend and I got to see him from a second from the corridor. Then his grand neice went out in the waiting room to talk to us. He's out of the coma but still not able to do all his breathing on his own. He has tried to communicate but they can't understand him and they can't read his handwriting.

Apparently, the docs are not saying for sure that he did this on purpose. According to them, it could have been accidental because of the pain pills he was taking for his back.

Anyway, we are going to tell work that he is getting better and that is it.

They won't believe us anyway. He's looked very sick for a long time because of his weight loss and general depressed/anxious demeanor -- even before he went out on disabilty.

People at work have been imagining all kinds of wild weird things wrong with him. They are stupid (and maybe afraid a little).

We lost two colleague this month.
They think that students couldn't handle losing another teacher. I think that students are strong.

mari

Hi,
At the meetings they chant and then usually have a topic to talk about. Each person shares how that topic relates to what is going on in their life and in their practice.
I'm not really a member of the group. They sort of keep inviting me and every once in a while I go. Tonight I wasn't up to it. The trip to the hospital was enough. I needed to come home and nap and try to relax.

Mari

thanks for the update. Pain pills can do AWFUL things to people when they are mixed with other meds, or when doses are accidentally forgotten, or mis-measured. I've been to the hospital with a friend of mine on lots of different meds because of dosing accidents, and it's quite a nightmare. I'm glad your friend is out of the coma.
How are you keeping stable through this? I went quite bonkers when my friend went to the emergency room. I held it together in the hospital,but after I got back to my house, I shivered for days... :(

Hi, Molly,
Thanks for asking. I don't feel good but I am also trying to put in some distance.
I've been visiting the ICU alot more than I wish in the past couple years. I'm learning that what is going on with the other person is not about me.
But it is still hard. This evening I was noticing the anxiety growing in my chest. It feels ok now.

But it turns out I wasted the day in terms of getting any work done for school tomorrow.
Maybe I should at least make sure that I get to bed early tonight.

Mari