Dear Mari

There are times in life when we have to be selfish to preserve are own well being. I think that you are at this stage, 'yoga retreat' sounds a good idea.
by constantly trying to help others you emotionaly drain out. Thoughts of our past creep back, as the brains way of saying deal with your own issues first. Abit like a burgler alarm.

Please take care of you

YOu are taking on this responsibility....because you care about people.
Yes you are a nurturing woman and have been all of your life.
this is not a bad thing rather a very good thing...and you are learning to nurture yourself.
It sounds like an internal battle.
Do what ever feels right and what ever you need to do to feel well.
you are a wonderful woman...you do know this?
bizi

Ditto.....................................

THANKS EVERYBODY.

I was going to go to the hospital again tomorrow/Thursday but after writing my post about being tired, I reread your responses here.

I decided to skip the hospital this week.


I'm going to email my other friend from work to tell her that I changed my mind and that she can get her own ride to the hospital. And someone else can deliver the get well cards.
AND howabout this. Someone can freaking mail the cards to the hospital!!

Thanks for reminding me what I need to do and then reminding me again.

Martha

what wonderfully incredible news....how much strength it must have taken you. you deserve an award
Bobby

This is fantastic that you have made this decision.
Fantastic!!!!
Good for you.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

OK.
This is still a prob for me.
I think my anger is increasing and I think I feel guilty about being angry.
What the heck is wrong with me that I am angry about someone being in the hospital??

If it were almost anyone else in that hospital I would be visiting. Something about him and something about the situation is a prob for me. Yeah, I am entitled to feel however I want to feel. I just wish that I could make those feelings less intense and have less power to apparently interfere with the rest of my day.

Yet, I worry for him and want him to be well and happy.


I wonder if this is important enough to cancel another day of work/teaching and see the counselor. ? ?

A friend saw G. on Friday and reported to me about his condition. He is in lots of pain. He is not eating much, not talking much, but can make himself understood. I'd really prefer not to know. I had called the hospital over the weekend to find what floor/ward he is in. That was as much as I could deal with. Maybe I'll send a basket of fruit/ballons/flowers. His roommate/partner can always take it home with him if there is no room in the hospital room.

(Oh yeah, and here is the fun part: My friend had to wear a gown while she was on the floor. The hospital said it is for her protection. Too much freaking excitement for me! They didn't make me wear a gown on that floor when I visited a little more than a week ago.)

Part of me needs to know more about how he got into this situation.
And part of me knows that it doesn't make any difference.
I'm mad no matter what and I am not sure what I am mad about.

I want to pack up his stuff in the office so that I don't have to see it.
Or maybe I should move to the temporarily empty office that was offered to me. . . . except that that office is hot (a/c is crap) and I am sensitive to temp.

Lost right now.
Mari

I am sorry that you are feeling lost right now.
I thought you had moved into the other office and that you were not his office mate anymore...
He must have an infection and that is why visitors have to wer gowns now....I hate going to hospitals to worry about germs and me getting sick from them.
It is important that you listen to yourself ......
Do what ever you feel you need to do ...you will get thru this...
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I might sound crazy but I think this is a golden opportunity to you. It doesn't matter whether he took an overdose or it happened by accident. His condition has probably put you over the top in your nurturing and caretaking roll. Of course you are worried about him and feel very sad. I think you are getting more in touch with your feelings that you can no longer take the caretaker role. It might be a new beginning for you. Sadness is appropriate.
Guilt isn't. Anger right now is probably appropriate because you are fighting your nature. He is not your problem. Your ability to hold down a job makes you a hero. Your marriage sounds demanding although from what you have written in the past, your husband sounds like a wonderful person. I wasn't aware that he had problems too so that means extra emotional stress on you.
Maybe this incident will help you to start to weigh things and only do what you are capable of doing and begin to give up the caretaker role which is so much apart of you. It will be a big battle but it is amazing but the guilt diminishes.
Bobby

Bizi,

I would get a great deal of satisfaction boxing up G's stuff. He cares so much about his stupid stuff. And he has the office decorated/stuffed with crap.

Wow. Now I feel bad saying something like that.

Mari