I know that was hard for you and
I am hoping that you were able to sleep last night.
Please take care of yourself....
don't want you getting run down and end up getting sick....
bizi

Hi,
I took off a day of work to stay home today.
I was getting irritated and grouchy around hubby. Plus I need some rest.
Mari

I hope you get some good rest Mari. Sleep is so very important for feeling well.

oh that was a great idea!
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I hope you are feeling better....it is so great that YOU TOOK CARE OF YOURSELF....I bet you have a hard time doing that...
Bobby

He is out of ICU and on a telemetry (sp) floor. He needs constant attention and is in pain and discomfort. He was agitated. But he can mouth words and communicate a bit. He and I talked a little and I felt better.

I felt a lot better today after I got to see him and have him see me.
His neice is worried about what will happen when he gets out of the hospital. For now, he is progressing toward better health and seems to be in good hands.

I took a cd player with 3 cds he used to play in the office. He went to sleep as soon as his neice and I put in the first one.


Mari

He is out of ICU and on a telemetry (sp) floor. He needs constant attention and is in pain and discomfort. He was agitated. But he can mouth words and communicate a bit. He and I said a few words back and forth and I cried in front of him and I felt better. He squeezed my hand.

I felt a lot better today after I got to see him and have him see me.
His neice is worried about what will happen when he gets out of the hospital. For now, he is progressing toward better health and seems to be in good hands.

I took a cd player with 3 cds he used to play in the office. He went to sleep as soon as his neice and I put in the first one.


Mari

that is such great news....I wonder if his attitude has changed after this event. I hope they don't let him go back to the outside world for a while and instead force him to have some therapy. Is his job stressful?
that was thoughtful about the cd and player.
How are you going to set boundaries on yourself?
I still have trouble. Yesterday I tried to find some information for Ron who is wheelchair bound about financial assistance. Wouldn't you know I called him and he said he would call me back and he didn't. None of his other friends seem to try to help him. Maybe my ego is fragile but I get angry when I go out of my way to try to help him and he responds like that. What makes us human and how far should we go?
Bobby

Dear Bobby,
He was in therapy -- both tdoc and pdoc. That's the point. I know that some people with depression cannot be treated. But he had been mostly successfully treated his whole adult life -- until about 4 years ago when he started going down hill fast. Then his docs got stupid? Or he got worse?

His job is relatively easy. And people at work went out of their way to make it very easy when he came back 2 months ago. He had very few responsibilites. But it seemed like even that was too much for him in his fragile condition.

His neice and I briefly speculated on how his mind set could be different (better or worse) once he recovers. She was half-wondering if he would even want to recover. I was trying to be hopeful a few days ago.


Well, I heard today that he is back in ICU/CCU with an infection. I don't know whether to be angry with him or depressed about him.

If his ER docs said that the OD was "accidental," I don't see why they would send him to the psch ward after he gets better. They might just patch him up and send him home.

I'm so annoyed.

I've even dragged up anger (intense anger) at my mother again. My anger about her comes up whenever I am upset about anything. It is close by and I don't know what else to do about that except to do something like change my life for real and go on a six month yoga retreat.
Trust me, I have been to therapy for what seems like forever to deal with my emotions about her -- much of it I paid for out of pocket. I read self-help books, I prayed, meditated, went through hypnosis, treatments with my chinese doc/accupunturist . . . .

I'm all twisted up.

I don't know if I can handle visiting him again, but I might.

ALSO,
I have friend in an Assisted Living Facilty with absolutely no family who is not coping well. We talk for 5 mins on the phone twice a week. She would like me to visit, but I can't be any good to her. And after I visit, I come home freaked out and mean to hubby and need days of hiding out to recover. I could do that in the summer. But now that I am working, I cannot afford to loose a few days a week for a two hour visit with her. . . .

Two people I know are not doing well and I somehow manage to turn this into something about me.

Man, I need work. I wish I could get into see the tdoc. But we have scheduling problems. She only keeps office hours a few days a week. I would have to schedule a day off from work and I already did that last week.

I'm rambling here and talking to myself. It is helping a little.
Of course, I might decide to delete the whole thing tomorrow. I hope that that is all right.

Take care, everyone. Learn to be good to yourselves.
M.

_______________

If you touch one thing with deep awareness, you touch everything. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

when I feel intense anger towards my sister or mother, when I pray for them the anger dissipates(sp) I wonder who you damaged you more, your mother or your father by the way.
I get the gut feeling that the man from work has never really tried to help himself. I could be wrong. I keep on thinking of No Exit....Maybe you would feel less frustrated if you focus in on that the ball has been in his court not your court and it is okay to feel sad about him but you can't help him. Does he feed on his "helplessness"? He sounds just as dangerous to others as he is to himself.
I hope you take the day off and see your therapist. It sounds like a good time.
You have made huge progress in recognizing your limitations....beware, you might start having feelings of emptiness since giving seems to have been your vocation in life lol.
Bobby