definitely. its ripping me up meantime, but i sort of expected that. i basically set up with my pdoc to focus on these issues after my job thing went kerplatt. and therapy is a job in itself so might as well do it while i'm unemployed.

the new tdoc sounds like a former tdoc of mine - she said that as we grow, we naturally see our issues from a different place, and have to deal with them at that level, where before, that was not possible.

however these are issues that are more abstract and deeper than i have even dealt with before. it's actually new work. but they probably underpin a lot of event-related crises and chronic issues i have, or have had, and which in many cases have triggered or escalated transient reactions to major mood episodes...

i still question if i am really bipolar or if there is just a lot of psych stuff boiling. one of my songs describes me as a storming sea. either way, its a chemical broth in the end, but like you said getting a grip on these things might ehhh... calm the ~ waves ~ lol.

i like these suggestions. i have never "accepted" the daily affirmations thing, because many examples of "affirmations" i feel as aspirations, i.e. unreal at the time. contrarily, your examples are quite grounding. i would have to skip the future one. mine would be: "I don't know what i want in my future." (to avoid saying, "I don't know if I want a future.")

this is not a right now thing for me to do. i am afraid to live until that age as i am terrified i will be homeless and starving. better not to dwell on those thoughts. will save for better days.

Thank you Mari for all your thoughts and your "ramblings" as you call them are helpful.

~ waves ~

Dear Mari,
i totally loved this.

Dear Waves,

You are right about Therapy being a job in itself. It can take up brain space and real time.

Well my issues are almost always about my parents. I keep hoping to get past that someday because I am getting bored. Seriously. I feel like I should be over this by now. And it doesn't make interesting conversation either. -- not like something good that I could write a book or screenplay about someday. Too mundane and boring.


Is this one reason that you are so clued in on the DSM stuff? Have you been studying it to see where you are?
I would find this hard -- to not know the general dx/s.

Would you be able to say something along the lines of how you want "peace" in your future? I learned/was reminded of this one by my sister the other day when I freaked out on the phone to her about something having to do with my intentions/wants.

BTW, after all this therapy do you find that you can put a pin on certain people you meet in your day to day?

I have become good at creating an entire parental background for people I work with simply by watching them interact with authority figures, deadlines, pressure, money, . . . . Later details often confirm that I am usually right. This is a skill I wish I did not have. I gained it by spending lots of time in therapy and thinking about therapy and spending money on therapy and buying books. . . . .

I could have moved to the beach and become a poet or tattoo artist instead.

Mari

Oh I truly miss you when you are gone.

I am so glad when you pop in to say hello!!