I am having a rough day. My older brother in Georgia called not long ago and asked me how I was doing? I said fine. He kept asking me over and over how I was doing so finally I said not so good. He asked why. I told him well because Rook passed. He made some off the wall comment like it was no big deal and I explained to him that I had a history with Rook and you just don't get over some one just because your divorced. Then my brother kept drilling me on who I've talked to. I told him just the ones in the neighborhood. My older brother kept asking me over and over if I had talked to anyone else recently. I told him that I had talked to our cousin Johnny. My brother asked me what Johnny was up to. I told him not much and asked my brother what Johnny had said to him when Johnny called him. My brother said Johnny didn't say much and that he didn't even know why Johnny calle him. I told my brother that Johnny called him to tell him about Rook dying and I made the comment that it's funny that Johnny called him but couldn't call me. My brother said I cannot expect everyone to call me when I want them to. I told my brother, "for crying out loud Jack, my husband died and Johnny instead of cosoling me calls you up." Then my brother told me that I need to take some responsilbility for giving people my new phone number. I told my brother that Johnny's fiance who is also all of ours cousin called Johnny up at Johnny's job to tell him about Rook and Johnny could have gotten my phone number his fiance if he wanted to call me. My brother told me look, I didn't call you up to upset you or to argue with you so I'm going to hang up and I'll call back when your............ I know the rest because my brother use to tell my mom this all the time. I'm going to hang up and call you back when your better. So I told my brother F**k you and hung up before he could finish his sentence and hang up on me. I almost had a stroke I'm sure that my blood pressure went so high and the vien on my neck is still sore.

befuddled2

It's just bad timing on how things seem to happen around the holidays too.
I guess they say
"you can't change others attitudes - just how you react to them"

hope you are able to relax soon.

I am so sorry you have to go through this unnecessary pain because of a blockhead.
Sending big hugs
Bobby

((((((Barbara)))))),



Some of us got stuck with AHS for relatives. Don't make yourself sick over STILL not getting what you want from these people.

YOU make sure that your blood pressure is well-controlled. Are you taking meds for that??

They're just inconsiderate zits on the @$$ of society. They don't get it. They're never going to get it.

I could go on-and-on in grand and glorious detail about the things that my family has done that are rude, crude, and inconsiderate -- not to mention, hurtful. But, I don't want to hog your thread.

If you're going to continue to have relationships with your brothers, you're gonna have to change the rules: they can't talk to you like that; they can't treat you like that. You can go out for coffee and dessert with Bro and talk about the weather. The DEEP STUFF you can leave for later for the people that care about you.

I know you're probably thinking that there's nobody like that now. There IS -- there's us. But, even if we weren't all here for you, it would be better for you to take care of your SELF and wait until there is someone in your real life that DOES CARE about you. Better to wait than to just accept any sort of treatment only because the names are the same or you grew up together or some of the genes match.

Barbara, we all know the kind of treatment that you deserve and the kind of treatment that you attract and how you treat people that you care about.

That means that you accept nothing less for yourself.

If people/brothers aren't able to treat you in a loving, caring, RESPECTFUL way, then you change the type of relationship that you have with them.

BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

Barb

I am so sorry that you had such a bad call.

I can totally relate.

I just don't seem to talk good on the phone myself.

Donna

Thank you everyone. I'll try to address some of everyone in general as I took 2 klonopin and am rather mellow at the moment.

I have not talked to my family for years because of the way they treat me like crap. When my husband and I split I had no one after that because I was already isolated by my husband so I apolized to my family for basically in a round about way not kssing their behinds just to have some one in my life. Well, to say the least they were so little support back then I might has well not even had them in my life again. But at the time it was something instead of nothing. I remember staring at the walls or hours back then because I had no life and didn't know what else to do but stare at the walls. I had no friends coming by to see me and I only had a small check staying in a big house to keep up. Even after I moved I was in the same boat, I didn't even know my neighbors at 1st then. My 1st month in my new home I was sick the whole month with a lung infection and a sinus infection. I remember paying cab drivers almost $20 to pick something up for me because I was too weak to drive. Most the time I did drive and it's a wonder as sick as I was I did not kill myself or someone else with my car. I had no one though and needed medicine and food. My familys crap was lot better than not having no one to talk to by phone becasue they sure didn't come to my house except my older brother who lives out of town. He would cuss me and yell and scream at me when at my house. I have a few good friends now that I didn't have before and had it not been for them I'd have lost it by now. My family cuts me out of their lives when I stand up to be treated with respect and dignity. They have wives and kids and I don't. So not having anything to do with me didn't bother my family. But when my husband was kicked out and I had no one I got desparate and apolozied to my family so they would be freinds with me. They never got better but only get worse. I know my family well enough that if they have to treat me nice they don't want me in their life. They are a bunch of control, no it all, judgemental freaks.

I need to rest. I've had a terrible day.

befuddled2

Oh Barbara,
I am sorry that you have had such a bad day.
I hope you can rest tonight.
You deserve to be treated well....and to have nice people in your life....
bizi

I am so sorry you are alone this way.
I know what it's like to drive with a high fever to get meds because there's no one to do it for you.
I don't have siblings, and it sounds like, for all effective purposes, neither do you. I am so angry for how you are being treated - by family, neighbours, all.

I know it isn't something that washes off, so i won't say don't let it upset you. But try to experience even the bad feelings and let them wash over you - they will subside. They will come in waves. Both the old but open wounds with your family, and the recent loss in your ex-husband's death.

I am so glad you came here and vented. Please keep doing so. I wish a few of us could get together at your place and bring things for a pot luck dinner, wouldn't that be cool? well, we can think about it here, anyway. you're a strong person.

I'm sorry you were desperate to call your family in and having that backfire on you again. I am so sorry you are dealing with so much insensitivity.

Again, put a bit differently like Moose said, you can't control them. Also, remember, the way they treat you, the way they act, is something THEY OWN, whether they admit it, or (as occurred with your brother) try to "palm the thing off" on you. Keep mind of this, whenever those "accusations" penetrate, and push back, mentally: "it wasn't about me, it was about him."

You take it easy and be sweet to yourself, girl. Hold your head high and proud.

Sorry I'm not around regularly - problems of my own - different nature. But i still think of you and the others here and wish you well. take care,

Barbara

~ waves ~

Moose, Wow. Sounds like you met some people in MY family too.

Barbara, The brothers and cousin do not understand how to be decent and caring toward you. That's a darned shame because they are missing out on having a rewarding relationship with you.
Keep your head and your heart in your own hands.


M.

Thank you all each and everyone one of you. This place is like my home with all of you. Waves I really appreciate you taking the time out of your own problems to sooth me. Moose, barb, you and everyone else always know what to say.

I will make another post what may or may not help me financially.

befuddled2