[waves]

i am becoming non-compliant with my own med schedule. Only the daytime Neurontin really, because if i have so much as a weak beer it whips my buttttt. Buttt, i know b***dy well that i should take the Neurontin and skip the beer.

Well WHAT EVVVVVERRRR.

This morning it was mild racing thoughts after the nighttime N could no longer be felt, irritation but with melcancholic mood.

now my partents interuppedted me liek i don't know how many times while i was pm'ing an old friend remember RavensWing???? and i just could not get up and down the dang screen and gd it i just started biting their heads of both psychomotor agitation, spewing anger still.

i just took 10mg Zyprexa and told the parents i might not have dinner. (that's if the Z knocks me out but i didn't tell them i took it or they will get all frlippy outty about my having gonne off depakote which i have my own gd reasons for which i do not care to share and that s that.) but by looks of it the Z won't knock me out. i took a lorazepam for immediacy ha ha ha haha like "can't touch this" ha ha ha ha. groan. will take a stupid Neurontin too, sposed to take 300/300 during daytime tho less is fine right now since the depakote is long gone and also the Zoloft is much lowerrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Why do they have to be so loud.

why can't they turn of the fking ketttle before it screams simultaneously in eighteen different pitches only audible to me and dogs.

they gave me wonderfull christmas presents.

why do i have to be such a fkface.

why do i have to exist.

why are my feet wiggling nonstop.

why cant she stop whistling and tra la la ing

why can't i enjoy it, while it is still there to be enjoyed.

now the dang computer with the bad noisy power supply fan which i kept saying i'd replace but i think we need a new ps and they fight me every mention...

why fight fight fight fight
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghghghg

why can't they TELL that when i am LOOKING at my gd SCREEN and TYPING that it means that

YESS I AM FKING BUSY

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFCCCKKK.

oh and the three (as opposed to one or my max of 2) beers i could feel them but didn't seem to do squat much at first hard to walk a straight line byut seemed to evaporate within half an hour my body musta hyperbolized it insteada metabolized it.... not long after i got home and first albeit innocent but intrusive interruption got me going and went down hill from there.

read the long F line again and read through the lines. and the letters. yeah. whatEVERRRR.

~ waves ~ wringing her brain ringing with angrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr agitation oh no now one has drawn furniture creations all day and now shows it to the other oen and now fight.

I am breathing fire. there they go... fight. its to f'ing cold to go outside dddrdmmm i want a cigarette not really but o helll i'm stuck here i freakin gonna take freakin drawerful of freakin knockers outters

gonna have to see pdoc to get another stupid auth for Z - it's "special" so you need an auth but i have enough for now. hope just for today i was losing weight sht.

volume risingggggggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. i will screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam soon.

~ waves ~ writhing

[Curious]

i wish i knew what to say, but i wanted you to know you are heard and that i care.

[waves]

Thank you for posting back to me, for hearing and for caring. Your post was very comforting.

i guess the Zyprexa is working as i am calmer, physically. mentally better, but still irritable.

i have noticed since yesterday i think, that you are sick and been wanting to say something but not crash someone elses thread. I hope it is not serious, and that you feel better soon.

thanks again, Curious.

~ waves ~ trying to whip up some resoluteness about tomorrow's chemical cocktail.

[Curious]

awww...heck...we are all thread crashers around here. i'm sure known for not staying on topic either.

ty waves. i got yucky fifths disease from my grandson. naturally it hit me hard.

i'm glad the z is kicking in. getting any quieter at home?

[Mari]

Dear Waves,
Be careful.
I hope that you are ok. 'Glad that the stuff kicked in on your second post.
Call the pdoc as soon as you need to -- or maybe before you need to.

Keep taking careful care of yourself.

Mari

[bizi]

Dear Waves,
am just concerned about you....
hoping that you are able to sleep with the zyprexa.
you sound really agitated and hypo.....how long before the zyprexa kicks in to help you?
I know that you are tapering off things and this is really hard to do on your own.
when do you see your pdoc next?
bizi

[waves]

Originally Posted by Curious

getting any quieter at home?

today was a bit... some days better some worse. my mother has always had a loud voice and sometimes talks constantly. plus my dad is hard of hearing which he denies at all costs. compounding the problem, they have a habit of communicating across rooms, hence a really high volume, which my mom has no problem providing of course. she has a lot of anger in her which emerges constantly, especially if she feels accused of something, which is frequent. my dad has ants in his pants about stuff lately and when he goes off on his projects its a battlefield here as my mom is never in agreement he gets angry too and there you have it.

that is my "voluminous" life at home. it is bothersome at best, but when i am depressed or manic or have a migraine it drives me nuts. i have managed to get across about phono/photosensitivity with migraine, and they do try to cooperate with that. a migraine i guess seems more obvious since i wear shades inside, stay off the pc, don't watch tv, gobble ibuprofen, and if its bad i am in bed with ice and a black sock over my eyes. but consider i don't have my own room i sleep in the living room - that does NOT help.

depression they don't notice and hypo/manic i get combative with their noise which only makes things worse, but i can't "center" myself, and sometimes cannot leave the house. in any event i have to pick my battles - they are who they are and are in their 70's so...

that's probably way more than you wanted to know.

~ waves ~

[Curious]

i like my peace and quiet. relish the time i get to spend with no tv on. no one talking.

this place can get crazy too. hubby is used to being at the club for 12-16 hours. noisy with all the people and treadmills. lil'monkey is there after school. so when they get home, they talk LOUD. have so much to tell me all at once. grandmonkey is happy to see them and tell them about his day. at the same time. they turn tv on and surround sound. and keep talking!

we need a nice peaceful beach. wanna join me waves?

[waves]

OMG! I don't think i could bear that!

we need a nice peaceful beach. wanna join me waves?

Ohhhhhh YEAAAAHHHHH! besides, you can't have a proper beach without any ~ waves ~

ok, but tell me, Curious, what is yucky fifths disease???

~ waves ~ ready to ebb and flow on the sands of a remote (no no no remote tv surround sound ) make that a distant coastline.

[Curious]

http://children.webmd.com/tc/fifth-d...topic-overview

that will tell you about fifth's. it's a form of measles.

yeah...my brain gets wacked out. i have some hearing loss in one ear from a burst eardrum. confuses the heck out of me with all the noise. i go hide in the kitchen and cook.

got my umbrella ready....bucket of ice for refreshments....let's go!