I just don't understand people sometimes and I'm finding this one so hard. I met someone in September of 2003 at a forum for people with back problems. She lives in Tasmania, Australia and we hit it off right away. We spent many many hours on IM talking at odd hours because she lives in Australia and there's a 14 hr time difference. She has problems with her DH and family and I even called her last year on Christmas Eve and it cost me $95 for 15 minutes. We had dreams of meeting one day. I was going to visit her in Australia and we were going to the Outback, the Great Barrier Reef and to the Sydney Opera House. And I was going to get to see a real tasmanian devil. She was going to come here and we were going to "go to the snow" like she says it. We were going to Colorado and sit in the ski lodge and drink hot drinks.

But I noticed she's been distancing herself since before Christmas. I finally got the nerve to write and ask if everything was okay between us. It took 2 weeks but she finally replied last night and said she was too busy and had no time to keep this friendship going. I tried to email her back and through someone else I found out she deleted me as a contact. Just like that, throw out 4 years like yesterdays trash.

I called Ada, Dreambeliever, last night and we talked about it but it still hurts. You have no idea how many ecards we sent each other, how we talked and talked about problems and how we just acted silly sometimes on IM with our virtual vacations. I never in my wildest dreams could believe that she would just push me away and delete me no less. Instinctively, as soon as I powered up my computer this morning, or last night, they tend to run together, I went to IM to see if she's there. But she'll never be there because I've been deleted. I tried to delete her from IM since I know she's deleted me but I can't get my fingers to push that button. Friends don't do this sort of thing but I guess I'm not her friend anymore and I have no idea what I've done to her.

Ada thanks so much for listening to my blubbering last night. It was nice chatting with you and I hope we can do it again soon.

BP,

I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I can't understand why your friend would do such a thing.

befuddled2

with this has taught me this:

Some people get internal payoffs during the infatuation phase of any relationship. There is an energy or excitement when you click with a new made friend. When this happens, there are increased levels of certain neurotransmitters that reinforce the relationship.

Some people get hooked on this rush feeling. As time passes, then real commitment begins which is usually less exciting and starts to require WORK.
Superficial people get bored when this starts, and move on.
This can be seen very easily in young people. Middle school/high school.
And many outgrow the need for excitement.

But narcissistic people never do. While it is painful to run into these types,
over time it is best when they "leave"...you are spared much future pain, IMO.


http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/

This link is written clearly, and easy to understand., it explains narcissistic behavior in everyday
events.

There is another really good book called:
When Friendships Hurt.
http://www.whenfriendshiphurts.com/
This is just excellent, really. And not expensive in paperback.

I am always amazed at what I haven't learned YET...and I am over 60!

I personally think you just avoided a serious painful future. Read these two sources and see if that fits. You shouldn't blame yourself!

It's sad she couldn't /wouldn't be more upfront as to her time & energies before it got to the all or nothing stage.
Maybe for some reason the friendship, time, internet came down to a choice for her and she had to make that choice...

Something in her life must have changed or caused her to make a change - who really knows - and maybe in time she will contact you and explain more.
Some people get kind of addicted to IM friends and at some point they have to stop cold turkey..

I am sorry this happened too. But you have to remember something could of happened in her life, that she just doesn't want to talk about, or has to deal with by herself, or the distance of the friendship is too much for her and she just can't make the trips you talked of.

In the long run, I think you are better off. As they say some people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.

I would just let it go, don't try to analyze it or figure out why, it will only make you more upset, and your mind will wander off thinking all sorts of reasons, when really you will never know.

Nikko

Could you send her snail mail and see if you can get a reply from that?

losing a friend is hard especially when you were so close to her.

You are a sensitive woman and I know that you are hurt.

I am sorry for this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

She did do that and she was put on the girls blocked list, so her email will not go through.

So, I say ta ta and go on and put her on your block list.

Life is too short to worry about things we just can't change. Never mind even trying to change a person, not happening.

Boy, am I blunt today or what. oopsssssssssss

Nikko

Dear BJ,

I'm sorry this happened to you... as if you need any more pain right now

still, when i first read your post BJ, this exact thought came to my mind also :
Perhaps yours and her season, or reason, is over.

Couldn't have said it better myself! I guess Nikko and I are totally sync'd here.

Now, the way things went... the way she pushed you away... the WAY it was done... suxxxxxxx. i am not going to try to blame or justify her - no judgement of her is useful, methinks. but if this is her idea of a relationship, or even ending a relationship...

she doesn't deserve you...

...YOU don't deserve this treatment!

and don't you forget it!!!

~ waves ~

p.s. i had pinball machine lights flashing in my head when i scanned i can't read right i go too fast i scan now... when i saw in mrs d's post the word NARCISSIST... there are some ppl that just take and take and take... but they often charismatic, charming, even supportive... if, but only until, doing so is GRATIFYING TO THEM. Behind the scenes they are often manipulative... i'll shut up now... i hear my own hurt coming out from my own dealings with a narcissist... so i wouldn't want to be projecting here... One thing - it is not their fault, they don't know any better, but they leave a trail of heartbreak behind. not saying your em, person, is one... but narcissists are amongst the most toxic ppl to have any sort of relationship with. read the links and see if this woman "fits the bill."

Actually I was thinking a hand written letter thru the us post office system...that is all...for closure at least...I don't know.
BJ just do what ever makes you feel better...
again I am sorry...I know that you are hurting.
bizi

Oh, okay that's an idea. The only thing is if she doesn't get a letter back from her, then is there really closure?, or hurt more? I guess on mebp's part it would be closure, not sure how she would feel about it.

I know I would be anxiously awaiting a letter back, and that wouldn't do me any good.

I am chatty today, huh?

Just me speaking my crazy mind.

Nikko