[Mari]

Dear Pamster,
'Sending out good energy so that whatever you are doing right now brings you good feelings.
M.

[Pamster]

Hi Mari,

I hope things are better for you right now, I read a little about how your work friend is doing so rough right now and how you're just not wanting to deal with some stuff, I can really appreciate that feeling. Sometimes even just showeing is more effort then I can muster.

Been a rough spread of days, we did see his p-doc and she raised his medication that I knew had to happen and he was doing great until yesterday, he got so agitated and just into so much trouble. He put some duct tape rolled up in a ball into my hair when I wasn't expecting it so I ended up losing some hair unfortunately. He was angry we wouldn't give him any sugar free ice cream, needless to say we won't be buying it anymore.

He made a huge mess in the bedroom, mom brought over a bag of clothes someone from work gave her and he fit into about half of them, but obsessed on the other half and unfolded them after we'd folded them all twice. I get so exhausted with this kid, no one should have to live like this with such chaos in their live, but doing it with BP II on top of his DX? Ugh, I am really ready to just give in and send him packing to a group home and move out of this nice place and just exist somewhere in peace.

But the kicker is there are no group homes in our area that will take him. I just hate this situation. He broke a vase from my childhood last week along with a keepsake mom had bought in Mexico twenty years ago...I just hate that my stuff can't sit in tubs and be LEFT ALONE, I have NO possessions that are safe...so I have had a real sad week. Just hate sharing sad and depressing stuff, but that's what's happening. I wish he could learn to repsect other people's stuff, but I don't see that happening.

I hope everyone understands I think about you all every day, I come and read, but I just can't post, I haven't been able to for a couple weeks and I know you all think about me too, so I am sorry if I worried you, but I just hate posting about the sad stuff. Take care everyone, I think of you all fondly and wish you lots of luck in your days.

[bizi]

Oh pammy,
Yes you are well thought about and thank you for posting.
WE are always here to lend an ear and send good thoughts your way.
Please feel like you can share with us...it sounds like you don't have enough support on your end...so you can lean on us any time.
Is there a support group that you could go to....it would help to share with people in real life these things that you are going thru.
If you did place him in a group home...why couldn't you stay where you are living now?
Wishing things were easier for you...sounds very stressful right now.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Dmom3005]

(((Pam)))

Wishing I knew the right words. But sure understand were your coming from.

Please if even its just once a week post what you need too. We need to hear from you.

Donna

[Pamster]

Okay I will work on posting more, it's just so hard right now with things going so badly. Jackie is really acting out and hurting me, last night he was up at 4 am and after awhile started getting violent and throwing books and shoes. It's just so frustrating.

Thanks for the hugs bizi, to answer the question, I'll have to turn over his income to cover his group home living expenses so that will in effect halve our income so I will have to move from here, and Jack has said that he wouldn't want to stay together either WHEN this goes down so I don't know what I will do. If we'd be able to keep this place it would help us be able to bring him home on passes, but I doubt it will work out that way.

Anyway, I think he won't be living with us by his birthday next year not with how rough he's acting towards me.

[Nikko]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Pamster)))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you!!!!


Hugs, Nikko

[Dmom3005]

Pamster

I would just take care of yourself. If Jack thinks that he needs to only stay around because Jackie is there then maybe he needs to go now. Hard as that is to say. It honestly to me doesn't sound like he is doing anything to help now.

And I would think it would only help things if he weren't there to add to the stress of the situation. I know I really don't know the situation but I don't like to hear this kind of thing.

I really hope things get to going better. But I also know many situations were there are lots doing some of the same things your talking about.

Donna

[bizi]

halving your house hold income would changes things a greatr deal....perhaps you have an aqaintance to lease out a room????
I hope that things work for you....the "gods" have been coming thru in other areas....keep that positive energy flowing.
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Mari]

Dear Pam,
Post when you want. No more.

But know that we are ok with you, issues and all.
And you can post no matter where you are in your head/moods. It's all ok.

You have a lot going on. You are coping well and you have good planning and decision making skills -- you accomplish stuff that amazes me. You probably even get your bills paid on time

Are you getting chilly-ish weather in your part of FL?
The TV news is promising low humidity for a few days.


M.

[waves]

i'm so sorry things have got this bad with Jackie and your whole world sounds shaky. i don't know what advice to give but sending you my bestest wishes that things might improve. I almost dare not ask but... are you able to write? I mean write-write, not post, you know? When i can't post i often can't write either but sometimes i can, then it helps.

Originally Posted by Pamster

I come and read, but I just can't post, I haven't been able to for a couple weeks and I know you all think about me too, so I am sorry if I worried you, but I just hate posting about the sad stuff.

i go through this. sometimes i even go through where i can't read anything too. i understand. but it might help to post it. i hear many people not want to post the negative stuff. but we can learn from it just as much as rah-rah-rah stuff. so vent if you feel the need. and the energy. can learn from you too. and despite your situation and medical condition ... you always seem to carry a resilience with you. i hope you can feel that.

Btw, is the Paxil helping better now?



~ waves ~ glad to see a snow-man, was very worried when you were using the mummy and in fact not responding to zilch in older Brit slang "keeping mum" meant holding silence.