Hi, Nikko.
Hi, Everyone.

I don't have to go into work next week because it is spring break for the students.
I still have work to do at home.

I also hope to talk hubby into helping me do some basic house cleaning.

I think of my sister often because I think of something I want to tell her.
Then I start crying.
One night I couldn't sleep because I kept running through the whole thing in my head.
I see the tdoc on Monday -- first time since Jan -- and already told her message machine that I might need to talk about this.



M.

that is great Mari...time to recharge...and rest.
Wonder if nikko will check in....
can't believe it is march 1st! time is a flying!
I am going to try to do some cross word puzzels have to make this brain more active...jsut have to am feeling very dull.
HOpe bear is doing ok...sorry it is so stressful right now.
How is your book coming pamster?
wendy, we want to see your pictures of your turtles too.
I must do something different in my life. I am sick of my self. How do you lmake yourself to be more charitable? less judgemental? more accepting in diversty more careeing and kind, I am not liking myself much these days. feeling my life is a bit shallow.
I need some suggestions on what to do.
I am even grumpy at the grocery store these days, impatient at the smallest of issues...crabby too.
I think I need to change my life style, change my attitude...feel like I am wasting my life...I need a major wake up call of reality....any one want to give me a kick in the pants?
bizi

Bizi,
I have a feeling that you are being too hard on yourself. Can you find ways to self-nurture?


Or do you have anything that you love to do? Anything that reaffirms who you are? Maybe you just need to get back in touch with something you used to do and that makes you happy.

My old tdoc was a rock collector. 'Sounds dumb to me but he did because he needed a good hobby.

I used to bake bread. It was affirming for me to gather the ingredients, knead the dough, watch it rise. I got good at it. And it only took one day/long afternoon to do. Maybe it didn't exactly make me happy but I found baking to be reassuring. . . something I was doing for no good reason other than I wanted to. . . because really . . . I could go out to the store and buy bread that tasted almost as good. . .

Thank kind of thing.

Also, my acupuncturist recommends that I be around nature in order to revive my own energies.
M.

Hi Bizi and Mari,

Bizi, exercise helps our minds too although I know I sure don't get enough of it. I like Mari's suggestion and what about a free online class like I'm taking?

befuddled2

Dear Befuddled,

That's great about the on-line classes working for you.
I hope that you have a good weekend.
M.

bizi, When I danced as a young woman, there was a feeling of release and joy with every movement. It wasn't just the exercise. It was the creativity of the whole experience. Gave off the same endorphen rush as running or areobics, but more on the level of a spiritual epipheny. I often wish I had access to a gym or dance hall to just let myself go with no one around to watch. I am sure I am pretty rusty at it by now.

I have the boys this weekend, but I am going to let them sleep as long as they can. Neither one has gotten a full nights rest for a week now. Might help their moods a little, and help me get a moments peace.

I will clean as usual, but with the rain today, it will be a slow, gentle act. I am learning to be kind to my body still.

This weekend I am flying to Florida for a week's vacation WITHOUT my children (2 teenagers). I will be staying with my parents. I can't wait, I am so exhausted and burnt out from taking care of other people. Single parenthood is for the birds!
I am remmebering why I only take a vacation every 2 or 3 years. I get punished for it. Both kids separately howled and yelled and were furious, their dad refused to take them for the week, UGH. I am actually breaking out in hives!!!! and I did my bills today and discovered I am $40 short of my mortgage payment.

AARRGGGHHH. I'm wondering which direction my mood is going to flip this week - up! down?! Usually sunshine makes me hugely manic. Saw my pdoc yesterday and she is dropping my Effexor down a bit to see if that helps with the rapid manic cycling I've been having.

It seems like nothing changes or gets better ... plod plod plod. Did I mention that I really need this vacation?!!!?

Thank you guys,
I actually did some things today!!!!!
couple loads of laundry, and ironed my uniforms which I never do.
fixed my aerator on my bathroom sink, it was spitting water all over my counter top while the faucet was running, it was clogged with little bits of calcium grains...it took me a long time to put it back together...7 little pieces in a weird to remember order....but I did it!...actually washed out all of the trash containers in the house...years since that was done.
a very quick mop to my bathroom floor using a swiffer...WEnt out side and trimmed back some of the bushes and pulled weeds for an hour. and actually cooked up some fresh zucchini for supper.
This is the most productive day I have had in months.
I feel so much better...
bizi

Donna,
what happened to your sons car?
I think I missed that somewhere....
HOpe he is ok.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Well some time late last night he hit a deer. Now I'm not exactly sure
but I believe he was returning with his lady from the Emergency room
having her foot seen. Its in a boot, and I think she said, Its sprained.

But she has to see a orthopadedic and I know she has had problems
with one of them guessing same one. So not sure.

But I had taken my grandson for the weekend, my son had just gotten
some money that was left over from his pell grant so that he could
live for a few weeks and if he had to get to take the two summer classes
he needs so he can do co-op next fall.

My husband has refused pretty much to help him through school. Long
story. We have been looking for scholarships, Devin and I and doing
what we can in a timely matter. But he is just barely having enough
money.

He has a very distinct learning disability and can't hold down a job,
and go to school full time. I know that and if my husband really thought
about it he would too. Also it took lots of work for him to get through
4 years of high school in 6 years I believe, because he had migraines.
And dropped completely out one year.

Now I just want him to reach his goal. He reached mine a high school
diploma.

Donna