So, a bit of background. Christopher and I have been dating since a year ago nearly exactly. We were seeing each other here and there for a few months until in February or so this year he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. We were getting along great. So gradually, we've seen each other several times a week. We go places with our kids together. I have stayed at his place overnight several times. We are now very close emotionally and mentally- VERY good friends, but let's face it- when you go out on dates and have (AWESOME) sex, and are doing everything exclusive couples do- you're a couple.

Well at some point, he stopped referring to me as his girlfriend in public. Back in May, he started crying about me because he still has feelings for his ex-wife ... and he's emotionally undone. Once, I suggested I should just not date him anymore and he thought that was a horrible idea and can't see himself without me.

So for quite a bit now I've been trying to just let him be and go on our merry way together. Its not a selfless detrimental thing on my part. But what it is is I finally had to get rid of the pain inside me over the conflict in my mind between what I feel for him and think he feels for me and his telling the world I'm "his friend". (See below.) Lots of times recently, I have thought I should just break up with him because this is killing me. But then, I know he would never be back maybe and that probably wouldn't help the situation. I wanted to continue having the really nice communication we have had. So... Here's what went on tonight.

I was semi-dressed up- sexy-looking. We walked and kissed and hugged and were generally very happy. The evening went REALLY well. Relaxed, fun, happy... WONDERFUL. We both had a very
nice time. So it got to be around 10:00 and we headed
to the car, got in and drove home. He's kissing my
hand nicely... (We'd had coffee (decaf) and a pastry while out, and
chatted and laughed and huged and kissed and
laughed....) And when he pulled into my driveway, I
said I had something I wanted to get off my chest and
it wasn't a criticism- just something I wanted to
communicate. So he looked a bit like I was gonna tell
him something horrible for a moment. Then I said very
nicely that when we go somewhere together like the
other day when I met him at his work and he introduced
me to one of his co-workers as "my friend, Jennie", it
throws me for a loop and I don't feel good for a
moment because what I see and what I feel do not match
up; I feel like much more than his friend. To this he
looked like he might cry, and said "I don't have an
answer for you right now." And I said "I don't expect
you to have an answer; its late; you need sleep; but I
had to communicate this to you so you'd know how I
feel and to get to get it off my chest in general."
And I said goodnight nicely and got out. Now mind
you, it was a LOVELY evening emotionally up until that
point. I feel like I ruined the whole thing by ending
it that way. And I really was NOT demanding anything
and I tried so carefully not say it that way and even
explained I didn't mean it that way. But that is how
I feel when he says I'm his friend to others when to
ME, we are MILES beyond friends. Is that selfish? I
have tried and tried to see it from his point of view-
that he's hurting over his ex, but for ME its hurting
my heart and mind to experience what we have and then
to be "my friend, Jennie" as if we are work buddies or
next-door neighbors. Anybody that looked at us in
public would think we were a really lovely sweet
in-love couple....

And now that I've said that to him, I fear he will think I'm being selfish and saying "CHOOSE!" which is not my intent, but I WOULD like to be told by HIM that he feels the same for me as he SEEMS to- that is, that he is (whatever everybody else under the sun seems to see naturally).... my boyfriend. He certainly says as much in every other way.

I'm not crazy for this or about to get dumped, am I? My "what would everybody else say" file says "This is a sign... move on." I really didn't need one more worry and I feel bad now that I ended the wonderful evening on such a sour note; I only meant to get that off my chest as its been there for weeks or months. I shouldn't have let it build up so much, but I think I did good saying it simply and honestly and calmly, rather than what "they" say women do: Scream or cry it at them all at once. Men hate that. They go "She's nuts!" and run.