Good idea. I now understand.

Donna

i think im having a weird reaction and i cant tell if its from medication or not..

the other night before falling asleep i turned over to get in my sspot and i said to mike, "vould you move over and put this on the floor" and i tried to lift my laptop to give to him, but it wasnt on my lap...i thought it was. he said "what?" and irealized i had just asked him to grab an invisible laptop so i just said "i said can you move over a bit" and he thought nothng of it and moved over.

then the night before last, i woke up at 2 in the morning in a PANIC because for some reason i thought mike and i had unprotected sex and i had this overwhelming fear that i was gonna get pregnant and i was panicing...after 5 mins of that i just went back to bed.

i cant remember if the laptop thing was before or after i started the wellbutrin, but the pregnancy one was definately after. i feel like around bed, or when im just about to fall asleep, that like foggy pre-sleep but still kind of awake time, i get these crazy hallucinations and i really dont like it. its really a terrible thing everytime it happens, and its a different type of panic then my pre-panic attack state or my high anxiety state, its like, true solid straight immense fear (the pregnancy thing) or just complete and utter blankness of the mind ( laptp thing)


I dont know if its the wellbutrin or just me...i used to beable to sleep straiaght through the night but the ast 2 weeks ive woken up everyy night, not in panic (except for the pregnancy thing) and it would be at like 2am, 4am, 3:45am, random times, ill only be up for like 5-10 mmins then go back to bed, but i dont like the fact i wake up at all, i dont get up to go to the bathroom or anything, i just wake up...


i cant make sense of any of it.

and on top of it all i still have crazy amounts of anxiety about school and my dog keeps getting ticks and no one cares but me, i pull them off and he has so many scabs and scars from ticks and my parents wont do anything for him and they blame me and say i dont take care of him.... im like honestly, you cant go out and get the tick drops? or SOMETHING? i dont understand.

lately ive gotten the feeling that im supposed to have the answers to everything, and be the quick fix for their issues, even if its just being there to listen, or offer a different opinion im just someone to dump everyones problems on but the second i try to talk about my issues i get the cold shoulder and get told im being selfish... its ridiculous and im starting to get really really fed up

Dear Meg,

I think that you need better meds.
You need to have someone very attentive help you get on a good med mix.

Wellbutrin is a good med for some people but it can also increase anxiety-- expecially without a mood stabilizer or something else added to the mix that can help with anxiety.

That's my 2 cents -- talk to the therapist and the psychiatrist.

Mari

i dont want meds :( my diazepam is like LAST RESORT save me from going to the ER and the wellbutrin is new but i havent seen it help much. the tdoc doesnt know anything about meds hes like im not into all of that so he doesnt really know much about the reactions. he told me to tell my Pdoc that we talk and give him his card and maybe theyll talk


i really really dont like my pdoc other then his location. (2.5 mins from my house i could walk if i needed too) but i know the location isnt important.

my laptop is working again so im gonna start writing again, but i feel mike gets mad whenever im on my laptop but i need to type to gte stuff out, cuzif i dont my brain gets backed up...

its like this:
My thoughts are a train and each car is a seperate idea, they go along the track kinda all together most of the time, but when i get anxiety the cars break apaart and go off on different tracks and when i try to hand write or speak about my issues, its like a train crash. the speed and disorganization of all the cars and the impeding danger of the train cars colliding (panic attack) is all so hectic i cant process, with typing i feel like it keeps the train connected and theres no road blocks or anything i can just keep on the same track and get everything out as it comes, because of the speed i can type at.

i hope that all made sense.

it helps me (ive noticed) to organize/clean when im feeling anxious. putting things in their place making sure everything is done and orderly makes me feel better. last night i was at lizzys and i was litterally like waiting on ppl like a waitress putting dishes in the sink then loading the diswasher, offering drinks, making sure everyone was comfortable before i got to eat or whatever. but it made me feel better cuz i was anxious before hand and then after all that i felt accomplished and calm and all set.

people were thanking me for taking their plates and getting their drinks and i was like its really no problem at all, because it was more beneficial to me then it was to them, i should have thanked them for letting me wait on them.

i dont even know maybe its ocd i couldnt tell you i just dont even know and i wish i did

When I was growing up I used to clean the dishes, pick up plates and such inorder to get away from having to interact with people, I guess it was a social anxiety issue.
I still have social anxiety issues and will try to clean up to feel productive and useful when I feel inadequate in conversations etc.
It feels good helping others as well and they appreciated your help....kind of acting like the hostess at a party, making sure people have their drinks etc. and is one way to interact with people.
good for you!
bizi

thats exactly how i feel at lizzys, theyll be talking and im likke uhhhh is there anything you need done? cuz i cant sontribute or theyre talking and its not a conversation that concerns me so i get anxious and just clean...i told mike ill be a great mom and he should hurry up and propose before someone else does haha

i got the pharmacy tech job!!

im so excited! the hours are going to be terrible but ill deal i need money badddddly.
i have a whole bunch i wanna write but im in the process of going to my friends so ill update in a bit

so i saw the councelor today, hes a very nice guy for real im glad ive found him.

i got the job at CVS pharmacy as a pharm tech im really excited about it. i feel like the job will help with my anxiety cuz the whole needing to do procedures really helps. but then ive seen how hectic the pharmacy gets and im not good under pressure. i hope this does well for me i need SOMETHING to work out for me.

i have a pdoc appoinment on thursday...kill me. i realllllly dont like him.

i told my councleor i was gonna write him a long thing about everything im feeling b ut today is a bad day for me...i didnt take my wellbutrin to see if i dont get any hallucinations tonight. i dunnoim sitting here doing nothing being upset over nothng. :(

please be sure to tell him of your hallucinations...welbutrin is a fairly safe med for people with mood disorders.I don't know how it rates to other antidepressants for anxiety.
Good luck with the pdoc....
bizi

I had my pdoc appointment and he said instead of taking 3 wellburtin try 2 and see if the sleepy weird hallucinations go away or descrease. he says if they get unbearable, we can switch...theyre not unbearable (cept the scary pregnancy one) just weird.

I have a drug test on monday for my pre-employment for CVS Pharmacy, ive never had a drug test and im worried about my meds showing up...but i hope they ask if i take any medications before hand so its not conusing...im still nervous, ive never done one before.

i dont knoww, im so sick. i have the flu-ish/severe cold type deal its terrible :(