i am beyong exhausted with living.

quick note due to time limits,
jsut wanted to reach out to you.
I know that you are struggling, know that you are struggling with alot of other people too.
you are not alone.
I wish Ihad some other advice, maybe apply for another cvs job somewhere else?
so you could get more hours to get the health insurance that you really need to have.
((((HUGS))))
beth

Hi Meg
 

Hello Meg,

Nice to meet you. I saw your thread bump up earlier tonight but before posting i wanted to catch up... that took me a while, you can imagine. i am physically a bit under the weather still so it took me a good couple hours andthensome.

In other places in the thread you have mentioned being sick of things and having a "very short list" of alternatives...

Believe me i know how exhausting living can be. I had my first really bad depression when i was your age, and messed up in a lot of respects because i didn't "realize" there were solutions. I didn't withdraw from school i flunked out. You are aware of some of your issues already, where i sort of just took mine as inevitable. Anxiety is a real btch because it puts the brakes on us from being proactive. Take one step at a time.

As has been said before in your thread, sometimes it takes time for the chips to fall into place. uncomfortable time, painful time sure, but things can get better.

Please don't give up.

And if you start making short lists of alternatives, please remember that suicide is PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Just about everything in life is temporary. Moods are temporary. About the only thing that never changes is change itself. I read that you dislike change, but change can and will get you out of the crud you are experiencing.

Now, as for your health insurance... how do you get along with your boss... would he give you a good reference? if you can't get more hours there, what about a job at another pharmacy? you would come in with experience. Also you would get a fresh start with the whole hours thing.

I can't help feeling that you are somehow getting the short end of the stick there. It may be a question of being assertive enough, but you have asked for what you needed. also it doesn't make sense that after working extra shifts they would cut your hours. Do you know why they did this? Could you confront your boss with it... simply ask him plain and simple... perhaps adding that you would actually appreciate more hours because you would like to get health insurance from them, but your budget wouldn't allow it with the hours they have cut you down to - it is a very, very reasonable motivator. And EVERYONE needs health insurance so it would not be odd your asking.

Have you talked to your school counselor again? I wish you would. He sounded like someone you trust. He said he would take you on privately at one point... I would talk to him and see what he suggests for you. He might be able to help you make a plan. In person. Then you will feel more in control.

I hope you are feeling a bit better by now. The one horrible thing about mood swings is the unpredictability. But the good thing about them is the "upswings." I hope you have had some relief and were able to feel some happiness.

Please check in when you can.

~ waves ~ an oldie just recently returned.

i. cant. do. this. any. longer.

Meg
 

Please talk.

Write what is going on.

In your head, outside your head?

Are you in touch with your aunt?

Have you called your counselor?

keep reaching out, here, and also with them.

Are you still with Mike?

It sounds like *something* has all of a sudden set you off... or built up and exploded...

Please, post more words. What is happening, Meg?

:hug:

~ waves ~

Meg
 

I feel that you could benefit by talking to someone. I know phone is not your favorite but the assistants are trained to help you get through even if you get anxious.

These calls are FREE.

You have nothing to lose. it doesn't matter if you freak out or cry on the phone - the assistants are trained to help you get through.

Phone numbers-

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

Teen Hotline-
1-888-747-TEEN
1-888-747-8336

1-800-273-TALK

1-800-273-8255

Deaf Hotline for TTY users -
1-800-799-4TTY
1-800-799-4889

i am very worried about you. please check in again and let us know *something* of what is going on, please.

~ waves ~

more then i could possibly put down in one sitting, it hurts my head and makes me dizzy to think about all the things I cant control:Sigh:

not anymore, shes starting to behave like my parents and think my panic attacks and anxiety issues are made up and fake.


no i feel like im not allowed to call or talk to him cuz im not going to classes this semester so i feel like id be stepping over my bounds in contacting him and i feel like if i just pop back up out of no where he'll question me about all this stuff and i dont wanna deal with it all at once:(

yes im still with mike, he was there the other day when i had a panic attack on his bed and he didnt know what to do. he just kinda tried to prop me up, but it didnt help because i get even more dizzy if i stand/sit up, so it took him a good 20 mins to realize i needed to stay lying down or hunched over.



everything is happening.
i have no health insurance which is one of my biggest worries.
i feel like im getting strept throat but theres no way to get anything for it or get checked out because i have no health insurance.
i cant call out of work because i wont have enough money for gas to MAKE it to work.
i have a vacation planned to disney world in may (my happy place, straight up. i feel like i could never ever have a panic attack there, i went for a week last year and i have never been happier/more relaxed/more calm then that week)

i owe a lot of money still to pay off my vacation, and im fearing for the worst that ill have to cancel it.

people keep telling me its stupid im going to disney and i could use that money for something else and in a sense i agree, but im not trying to sound stupid but the trip will save my sanity. like, whenever im feeling anxious or upset i think about being in Disney and riding Big Thunder Mountain, or lying on a hammock on the beach at our resort with Mike and not having to worry about whats going on 1500 miles away because it doesnt concern me. its like one big dream when im there, and people always say "wow, im surprised you dont have panic attacks @ Disney with all the people" but i dont. because in all honestly i dont notice the other people because im so caught up in my magical getaway that even the lines dont bother me.


i dont even know.

i feel like my body is doing things and my mind is prisoner to what my body wants to do...wake up, go to work, eat, sleep, repeat repeat repeat...

its endless and im tired of it, instead of moving on down the road of Life im stuck in a rotary....

:( get me out of here.

ive called them before and everyone ive talked to was just like "im sorry, oh thats too bad, oh im sorry thats terrible" not helpful at all...

i wish it didnt feel so taboo to talk to mr edwards :( he actually GOT it.

Meg. CALL him ... no taboo. he's a human being.
 

I think one thing stands out.

Mr Edwards is helpful to you and is kind.

What if you started out saying you were overwhelmed and tho you knew, because no longer in school, that you do not have access to his services, you are beside yourself and DO NOT HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO TURN TO.

Could you try that? If he starts asking questions, answer the first one with, i was afraid you would ask me a lot of questions. i'm so sorry but it is really overwhelming right now. can we just let things come out gradually?

You say he GETS it. then i think he will be receptive to this.

Do you think you could give it a try?

Just give it a try?

What do you have to lose? If you don't call him, you have lost to begin with. IF you do, you might not gain anything - but THEN AGAIN, YOU MIGHT.

It's worth a TRY. Remember he's a human being, not a school service robot. He has a heart, and i believe from all you have said of him and yes i have read all this whole thread, ok, that he really does care about you.

Please give it a shot. That's step one.

no more steps for now.

one thing at a time.

Disney no Disney... sure i could carry on a bit about that but... not now.

Call Mr. Edwards. step one. focus on just that. no taboo. you are calling another human being who cares. the result is open ended. do not allow yourself to jump to those taboo conclusions!

:hug:

~ waves ~

Meg, please take care
 

Dear Meg,
I am worried about you.
Get someone to drive you to the hospital.
Ask to see a psychiatrist.

Perhaps you need to be evaluated and cared for.

The hospital can help you with the insurance papers -- that's how it works here -- not sure about where you live.


Mari