WEll meg, Many people who have had traumatic experiences can be triggered. These can be solders coming back from war, shell shock or reoccuring dreams, panic attacks from what they have experienced, many have commited suicide from the horrors of war. Many woman can have PTSD from being abused in the past. This may also apply to men.
I think our parent forum may even have a forum for PTSD. http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=15
It can be dibilitating...what does your therapist say if you have one?
I am sorry that you are feeling badly.
keep posting we are listening.
bizi:grouphug:

you will have to register to post but that is easy.

I have no therapist, everytime i try to make an app, i show up andhave a panic attack and miss it. i could give you a grocery list of events that have been extremely traumatic in my life and ive never been able to jus talk about them. ever. years of BS all held up inside. its stupid.

hi meg
just wondered if you were able to find your way to the PTSD forums?
If you ever want to "talk" about some of your stuff feel free to private message me...I will listen to you. you can have a voice...we will listen to you.
bizi

Dear Meg,
You don't have to start talking about everything right off the bat.
Interview the therapist over the phone and let him / her know that you are not able to talk about certain things.

Talk about things that you are comfortable with. Then develop trust with the therapist.

M.

There may be a community clinic service that has a sliding scale fee if you don't have insurance that would cover your visits.
I think you would feel so much better if you could have someone in real life that you could trust to talk to about some of this stuff that you are dealing with.
bizi

Maybe a friend/any family member could go with you to help with your anxiety issues about going.....just a thought.
I am sorry you suffer with such anxiety.
bizi

Hey Meg,

what happened with the lifeguard/swimming thing you were looking into?

I'd definitely tell any counselor you screen, over the phone, that your prior attempts at counseling have gone awry due to panic attacks... see what they can do to work to make it easier for you... maybe set up the appointment at a time when no other patients are there, if people bother you? i don't know... but they might be able to work with you somehow...

one counselor i had saw her patients in a converted shed in her yard. very private. she was elderly - very calm, warm, non-threatening person. i never encountered anyone else when i went. and the shed was in her garden which had beautiful flowers of all kinds... it was very peaceful going there.

~ waves ~

I have no money. None
None for doctors apps (even with insurance, I have no way to get the $10 i need for a co-pay)
None for school books or supplies. not even paper and pens.
none for clothes. i recently cleaned out my room an donated everything I didnt need and my parents agreed if i cleaned my room they would help me get more clothes to replace the ones I donated...well i got rid of like 75% of my stuff and now i have next to nothing, and they told me that they cant get me clothes (my house is STRAPPED for $)

my dad recently bought a store and said i would work at the store and my check each week would be 1/2 of what it would actually be (hrs x $ - taxes) and the 1/2 my dad takes out will be to help pay for school, which is fine with me.

but i havent started at the store, and i need to take a test to get servsafe certified but i dont have $ for the exam, and trying to find a proctor/exam location is so hard, and i have no idea why.

My 1st day of classes is a week from today. its hard to be excited to learn when i know ill be learning w/o the necessary tools. (books, paper, writing utensils) I have a laptop, but the hinge is broken on one side and its 160$ to fix so I clearly cant afford that. my books are 250$+ and my window on my car still is not fixed (and not to discredit my school or be rude but I dont trust the other students to NOT break into my car.)

I have no idea what to do. I need a lump sum of $ to take care of all my issues. once I start work I'll have $ but cant start work w/o taking that exam first and again i have no $


This is getting so hectic and all of these set backs are making me loose focus on my real goal. its hard to want to go on when all you get is kicked back down to the ground.

ALSO: I have no idea where to start for a search for a therapist/pdoc. I have blue cross/blue shield of MA and their website is ridiculous,and i have no idea if my coverage includes mental health or anything (when I went inpatient in march is was so hectic to get clearance for the 5 days i was in there)

I wish I had a personal assistant or someone to help me organize everythig :[

call blue cross you don't have to use the intenet web site.
there will be a person on call to talk with you especially to help you thru the mental health side. usually they are differnt than your medical side for billing purposes. they will direct you to the right people to help you OVER the phone.
they have counselors on stand by to assist you in all of this. they will get you precertifided immediately for visit and send you a letter with authorizations for visits for the year, you should have unlimited sessions this is normal.
therapist are there to help you.
they can then help you pick out someone with your issues, I presume that you would want a female...they can help you with that.
they will be very helpful on the mental health side of your insurance....
good luck. I would suggest you do this tomorrow.
ASAP,
to get the ball rolling.
you need support thru this difficult time
hugs to you my dear
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi