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Donna |
i think im having a weird reaction and i cant tell if its from medication or not..
the other night before falling asleep i turned over to get in my sspot and i said to mike, "vould you move over and put this on the floor" and i tried to lift my laptop to give to him, but it wasnt on my lap...i thought it was. he said "what?" and irealized i had just asked him to grab an invisible laptop so i just said "i said can you move over a bit" and he thought nothng of it and moved over. then the night before last, i woke up at 2 in the morning in a PANIC because for some reason i thought mike and i had unprotected sex and i had this overwhelming fear that i was gonna get pregnant and i was panicing...after 5 mins of that i just went back to bed. i cant remember if the laptop thing was before or after i started the wellbutrin, but the pregnancy one was definately after. i feel like around bed, or when im just about to fall asleep, that like foggy pre-sleep but still kind of awake time, i get these crazy hallucinations and i really dont like it. its really a terrible thing everytime it happens, and its a different type of panic then my pre-panic attack state or my high anxiety state, its like, true solid straight immense fear (the pregnancy thing) or just complete and utter blankness of the mind ( laptp thing) I dont know if its the wellbutrin or just me...i used to beable to sleep straiaght through the night but the ast 2 weeks ive woken up everyy night, not in panic (except for the pregnancy thing) and it would be at like 2am, 4am, 3:45am, random times, ill only be up for like 5-10 mmins then go back to bed, but i dont like the fact i wake up at all, i dont get up to go to the bathroom or anything, i just wake up... i cant make sense of any of it. and on top of it all i still have crazy amounts of anxiety about school and my dog keeps getting ticks and no one cares but me, i pull them off and he has so many scabs and scars from ticks and my parents wont do anything for him and they blame me and say i dont take care of him.... im like honestly, you cant go out and get the tick drops? or SOMETHING? i dont understand. lately ive gotten the feeling that im supposed to have the answers to everything, and be the quick fix for their issues, even if its just being there to listen, or offer a different opinion im just someone to dump everyones problems on but the second i try to talk about my issues i get the cold shoulder and get told im being selfish... its ridiculous and im starting to get really really fed up |
Dear Meg,
I think that you need better meds. You need to have someone very attentive help you get on a good med mix. Wellbutrin is a good med for some people but it can also increase anxiety-- expecially without a mood stabilizer or something else added to the mix that can help with anxiety. That's my 2 cents -- talk to the therapist and the psychiatrist. Mari |
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i dont want meds :( my diazepam is like LAST RESORT save me from going to the ER and the wellbutrin is new but i havent seen it help much. the tdoc doesnt know anything about meds hes like im not into all of that so he doesnt really know much about the reactions. he told me to tell my Pdoc that we talk and give him his card and maybe theyll talk i really really dont like my pdoc other then his location. (2.5 mins from my house i could walk if i needed too) but i know the location isnt important. my laptop is working again so im gonna start writing again, but i feel mike gets mad whenever im on my laptop but i need to type to gte stuff out, cuzif i dont my brain gets backed up... its like this: My thoughts are a train and each car is a seperate idea, they go along the track kinda all together most of the time, but when i get anxiety the cars break apaart and go off on different tracks and when i try to hand write or speak about my issues, its like a train crash. the speed and disorganization of all the cars and the impeding danger of the train cars colliding (panic attack) is all so hectic i cant process, with typing i feel like it keeps the train connected and theres no road blocks or anything i can just keep on the same track and get everything out as it comes, because of the speed i can type at. i hope that all made sense. it helps me (ive noticed) to organize/clean when im feeling anxious. putting things in their place making sure everything is done and orderly makes me feel better. last night i was at lizzys and i was litterally like waiting on ppl like a waitress putting dishes in the sink then loading the diswasher, offering drinks, making sure everyone was comfortable before i got to eat or whatever. but it made me feel better cuz i was anxious before hand and then after all that i felt accomplished and calm and all set. people were thanking me for taking their plates and getting their drinks and i was like its really no problem at all, because it was more beneficial to me then it was to them, i should have thanked them for letting me wait on them. i dont even know maybe its ocd i couldnt tell you i just dont even know and i wish i did |
When I was growing up I used to clean the dishes, pick up plates and such inorder to get away from having to interact with people, I guess it was a social anxiety issue.
I still have social anxiety issues and will try to clean up to feel productive and useful when I feel inadequate in conversations etc. It feels good helping others as well and they appreciated your help....kind of acting like the hostess at a party, making sure people have their drinks etc. and is one way to interact with people. good for you! bizi |
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i got the pharmacy tech job!!
im so excited! the hours are going to be terrible but ill deal i need money badddddly. i have a whole bunch i wanna write but im in the process of going to my friends so ill update in a bit |
so i saw the councelor today, hes a very nice guy for real im glad ive found him.
i got the job at CVS pharmacy as a pharm tech im really excited about it. i feel like the job will help with my anxiety cuz the whole needing to do procedures really helps. but then ive seen how hectic the pharmacy gets and im not good under pressure. i hope this does well for me i need SOMETHING to work out for me. i have a pdoc appoinment on thursday...kill me. i realllllly dont like him. i told my councleor i was gonna write him a long thing about everything im feeling b ut today is a bad day for me...i didnt take my wellbutrin to see if i dont get any hallucinations tonight. i dunnoim sitting here doing nothing being upset over nothng. :( |
please be sure to tell him of your hallucinations...welbutrin is a fairly safe med for people with mood disorders.I don't know how it rates to other antidepressants for anxiety.
Good luck with the pdoc.... bizi |
I had my pdoc appointment and he said instead of taking 3 wellburtin try 2 and see if the sleepy weird hallucinations go away or descrease. he says if they get unbearable, we can switch...theyre not unbearable (cept the scary pregnancy one) just weird.
I have a drug test on monday for my pre-employment for CVS Pharmacy, ive never had a drug test and im worried about my meds showing up...but i hope they ask if i take any medications before hand so its not conusing...im still nervous, ive never done one before. i dont knoww, im so sick. i have the flu-ish/severe cold type deal its terrible :( |
oh meg i am sorry that you aren't feeling well.
hopefully you can rest over the weekend, sleep and eat well...pamper yourself.take it easy. bizi |
i want to start working...im seriously concidering dropping out of college its not forme.. i cant do it, all i do is miss class all the time, everything is so frustrating :(
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Meg, I think that you put way too much pressure on yourself with the full load.
Perhaps you could just try one class at a time? Maybe you need some time to think about all of this, you are young and have lots of time to get your priorites figured out, I have faith that you will make things work for you if you want them to. bizi |
its SO much at once, but I'm thinking of how overwhelming years and years of schooling is, and i say why is it worth it? lots of people dont go to college and make tons of money and have wonderful lives, im 18 and have $2.16 in my bank account...my parents pay for everything and i feel like maybe working everyday would be better then school...i can always go back and take classes i need, but i cant do it now i need time to actually be stable enough to handle what is going on and then when im at that point i can slowly bring school back into the picture.
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Sounds like a great plan!
((((Hugs))))) bizi |
I feel like I can't go on. :(
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Meg my sparrow,
some times we have such loads and our shoulders. If you still like school, maybe like I did take 2 classes and maybe they can be online. It is not the end to drop out of school for now. gee I was 5o when I went back and finished my degree. The part I do want you to consider is working sometimes with the job you choose can be more pressure. You need to meet standards of others. Where in college you can be a kid, the classes are about an hour lond 2-3 days a week. Maybe get a job at school. Then you are with your peers. There has to be better medication management before you can get any of this done though. I am seeing that. Without my meds being adjusted by a psych better, then what the PC gave me I just about function. I stall seeing the doc and taking more meds wanting to do it myself, mentally overcome my challanges and predictiments. I Can't....... I just don't know that I want more meds.....why can't I just have a nice life and not get trumatised to need meds? But gosh you are so young, just do something to please yourself, not reduce your burden to help others. Talk about it with your Aunt, and a school counselor. Hugs to you luv di |
I am sorry it is so hard for you,
take things in little bites, steps. talk with your school counselor. again I am sorry it is so hard right now... bizi:hug: |
Meg,
Talk to us. Usually, talking to other people can help. M. |
Meg
You need to just take your time, and figure out what classes you need. Maybe one or two at a time. I know my son did this a semester or two and he did great this way. Donna |
I just typed out like 6 long paragraphs of explanation and stuff that would help me show you how I'm feeling and it all got erased...I'm dizzy and would rather pass out then have to think about everything againn and type it all out.
I'm sorry. I wish I could just type everything out at once and I can't and I feel terrible that I can't express what I'm thinking without stupid things getting in the way. I just wanna cry. |
Sending lots of hugs, Meg.
M. |
Meg
All you have to say is I can't type now. Or I am tired. We are here. And I agree Hugs. Donna |
oh I hate that when that happens, sometimes I will write stuff then save it and then edit to add more stuff save then edit add more stuff...just a thought.
bizi |
Carved pumpkins tonight...
I carved Optimus Prime. http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-...46655_2313.jpg |
First of all, I like the pumpkin!!! Very creative. I have panic disorder, which is basically a continual spiralling of anxiety attacks one after the other, through the night. The first thing I had to learn was to dissassociate whatever I was doing at the time from the panic attack. For instance, I had one when I was driving, so I didn't drive. Then it was other situations as my anxiety got worst, more progressive. My pdoc has me on a mood stabilizer, lithium, which helps me to cope, and deal with situations that I find stressful and unmanageable. The second thing is sleep. She ( my pdoc ) told me that when I can get a full 8 hours of sleep for at least 2-3 days in a row, my anxiety would go away. Now Ive been an insomniac since I was 14, so sleeping meds was not new to me, but being bipolar, she put me on klonopin, and trazedone. The trazedone also helps with the "waking up in a panic" is what I call it. For no reason at all, I would just wake up in the middle of a deep sleep, with an anxiety attack. But the meds Im on are working for me and my last anxiety attack was in March. I have been on wellbutrin before, but did not get anything out of it. Its very important that you find a pdoc that you get along with, and that you like. Even though you may not like the change, remember it can be a change for the better. And right now your emotional health is your priority. Ive been diagnosed for eleven years and finally got a doctor that is just what I need. Heck I have her cell number and can call her at night, on weekends, if Im having problems. Also, I was recently sick, I thought I had the flu, but a lot of over the counter meds for colds can't be mixed with psych meds. So, my pdoc wrote me a script for an antibiotic and told me what over the counter meds I could take. As an example, I did not know I can not take ibuprofen and lithium at the same time. I just didn't think there was a problem. But now I take excedrin, which, once again, my pdoc recommended. So please find one that YOU are happy with. :hug:
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had a panic attack tonuight....wonderful....all thanks to my mom...shes a real pal.... :( will it never end?!
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Hi, Meg,
It does get better. You can bring what you want into your life. Mari |
How do you get diagnosed with Bipolar? does a Pdoc do it or a psychologist or a therapist? who has the degree to say "You have bipolar disorder."
I need a dx. When I get overwhelmed and pre-panicy, its because I don't understand Why I'm acting the way I am, or what is causing it. I feel like if I had a Dx I could be like... Okay, this is _______, I can fix it by ______. I know bp and other disorders are hard to dx but I need something solid soon. I'm the type of person that if there is a definate problem, then there is an answer, and I get very determined to find it. If I was told I have bipolar, I would immediately start looking up what it means exactly and what I can do/take/get to make it better, so then I'll have those coping skills to battle it in the future. But all I know right now is....I have panic attacks. I go from very happy some days to extremely depressed others. I take meds for the panic and now depression. I have problems sleeping and I just want to know for sure what the deal is. :( |
YOu don't like your pdoc if I remember correctly, then it is time to get a new one.
BEing 18 is very hard to know what is normal 18 year old stuff and what is not normal. When do you see your pdoc next? Have you asked about being put on a mood stabilizer for your mood swings? ARe you seeing a therapist too? Now is the time for you to take charge of your treatments! I wish you much luck, you can make this happen. bizi I am 45 by the way....but I am not a mom. So maybe I could be your aunt.:winky: |
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im not seeing a 'therapist' per se but im seeing the school councelor and hes been somewhat helpful, but ihate being limited to an hour. ive had like day dreams/visions of how a therapists visit should go in my head even what the 'office' would look like but the chances of there being a therapist that fits that 'vision' is prob slim to none. im sick of being upset. :( |
Dear Meg,
Wellbutrin is an Anti-Depressant. It worked for me. I was on a mood stabilizer at the same time. For some people, Wellbutrin INCRESEASES anxiety. In fact, many anti-depressants can increase anxiety unless the person is on a mood stabilzer at the same time. How much Wellbutrin are you on? Maybe you are on two low a dose for it to have any effect on you. When you see the pdoc, impress upon him the amount of anxiety you are having. Make sure he UNDERSTANDS it. Anxiety is hard for someone to understand unless they have ever been through it. Mari |
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when i see him thursday i'm going to give him a list of symptoms that are bothering me. |
this sounds excellant meg
bizi edited to add that he is not a god and he is working for you that is what you pay him for. I would suggest that you use the mood chart to help document your moods and give him something to look at, you can even do it retroactively to reflect the near past. it is called mood tracker: Here is an on-linet http://moodtracker.com |
too depressed to go to see my councelor guy. and i wont be able to see him next tuesday due to veterans day (which is mikes birthday too)... my birthday is coming up too but im not excited about it at all.
ive been told i dont 'deserve' a birthday. multiple years in a row. so why get exited about this one? mikes family is close that they celebrate everyones birthday we just celebrated mike's sisters fiances birthday and hes only been 'in the family' for not even 6 months...but this will be my second birthday with mikes family and they wont even awknowlege it. I dont know I feel like my birthday should be the One day where I'm happy and people should be happy for/with me...i have a right to be selfish on my birthday... but it never happens...I cant remember a birthday where I havent cried or been dissapointed. and on top of all of that, i start work at cvs pharmacy soon, and the whole time ive been excited, but now im just upset. the hours they want me to work are terrible, ill never see mike, his birthday, my birthday and thanksgiving are all coming up and i doubt ill be able to take them off...its terrible imeven trying to take days off before i even start working. but i know they wont be sympathetic to my depression or my anxiety. :( |
meg,
you are still going to your pdoc appointment tomorrow right? bizi |
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im also gonna ask him about my sleeping, i cant sleep straight through the night and its killing me and im constantly sore...like from not sleeping in the right position or like sitting the wrong way...im just sore and achey all the time. |
dear meg,
I don't think there is anything on the market for depression that is jsut take as needed. You must take them everyday. and many of them take weeks to get into your system to see if it is going to work for you. cymbalta is an antidepressant that is also for pain suffers, you mentioned soreness and that is why I brought it up. I am still in favor of my lamictal, for mood swings and for antidepressant qualtities...kind of like 2 pills in one. Good luck tomorrow. bizi |
About Networks
My insurance company have been giving me doctors outside of my network. And I am upset because I have been lied to. So my Pdoc is out of network unfortunately but the office itself has offered me a charity case. I am so appreciative of that!
Thank goodness! I have not the names of the people who have gave me docs out of network. Can I still report what has happened anyways? Sharla |
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Wellbutrin is a antidepressant,and those have to be taken regularly every day as far as I know. It may take 3 weeks,to 2,or 3 months to start working. I took one medication that took about two months to work. Please ask your doctor about it. Antidepressants take time to work. Unfortunately,you have to be patient with antidepressants. I hope that you will be feeling better soon. BF:hug::hug::hug: |
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