Oh my mind was focused! Focused how I need to verbally attack that woman. I was just angry. I was too angry. I get angry a lot. how do I make it stop. When something is not right I get angry. Like injustice, it ****** me off real bad. Lies and stupids mistakes. Stupid people it makes me mad. Men who hit on me like I am juicy meat, GRRRR I get annoyed and ugly. And seeing a therapist is not going to work because I have seen them all my life. There seems to be no improvement for me. So I am just going to have to tackle this issue on my own which is going to be hard. But if I can try and catch myself I am sure I will be fine.

Sharla

LOL Patience,Girl Patience,and more Patience. You crack me up. Patience. BF

LOL I am glad to make people laugh

I will practice patience! It is so hard! LOL

Yes. Patience is a virtue that is developed. Being patient with yourself,and other people is a plus. BF

On Nov 13th I started the 50mg. I was so mad because my computer was being a jerk that I completely lost it. I spent hours and days trying to fix it so I can do my homework and stuff but it was just not cooperating. And I snapped at my honey who I love very much! I started to cry and I got to mad that I through the book across the room and bit my right wrist. The only thing that was missing in all this was me screaming bloody murder. So is that progress? Well not quite. But I feel better today. It is my second day on this 50mg of Lamictal. But I feel bad because I slipped
I feel as though I failed. I will have to try harder next time I get like that.

I have to learn to keep my cool

OUch, you bite yourself?
don;'t do that...................ok?
bizi

I know I know I have to stop that. But I have been doing it for years. It calms me down which is very weird. I know it is not healthy but it is my way of dealing with things. The doctor tells me to try and stop. It is hard. But there is no blood so I am not doing it that hard. Well regardless I still need to stop.

I did not start biting myself until 2003. My step mother was trying to tell me how to live my life because she said college is just not an option for me. After I tried one semester. During that semester the entire family criticized me on a hourly basis. I was so upset I could hardly get anything done homework wise. I was just too down all the time and just sitting around waiting for the next adult to pick on me. I would be picked on everyday on what I wore by my step grandma and I was reminded every day of my existence on how I will never make it in my life. I have not really healed from all this abuse I went through in my life. And I do not know how to move on. I am trying to move on and to forget about it but the pain is still there haunting me. It still hurts. I forgive them but the pain is still here. I have not been healed.

Sharla

YOu poor thing...you did not get any support at all while you wre growing up.
that is very sad.
I am happy that you are now doing what you want to do.
You will get thru this I jsut know that you will.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

I sympathize with you,and any emotional healing takes time.

I'm proud of you for holding your ground,and continuing to get your education. BF

There is a lot of good in what you do... you have golden instincts...

Now, if you can just "temper" them (no pun intended lol, ok, well maybe heheh) a little in how you express yourself.

It is the difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

Like with that woman who told the guy to speak English... why be quiet?

What you said was fine. The things to work on are:

TONE
VOLUME
and
LANGUAGE (using insults with or without foul language is degrading to YOU, not just to the audience.)

Learning to use all of these adequately will improve the receptivity of someone you are telling off!

With ppl like that woman, it might be good to preface whatever you say with "The way I see it,..."

Do you find yourself holding anger in a lot? You may need to do some therapy work - even self-therapy on just VENTING... physical exercise sometimes helps. Getting out anger from how you were treated. IT sounds like you might be transferring that anger when you see others treated badly. And again, plugging up the anger is no good. Accepting it and channelling it is good.

Have you ever taken an anger management class? Often they provide tips on how to be assertive, rather than aggressive. They are often aimed at office professionals tho... may have some degree of "defusing" protocols in there. I've never taken one myself, but i would like to. I don't often blow up, but i sometimes do verbally. I scared the crap out of these two girls on a bus once because i screamed at them for writing on the seats. Me, i tend to "blow" in public when i am getting hypo tho. So it's a sign. Otherwise i'm capable of modest intervention (eg: Smoking isn't allowed here; it does bother me; would you please put that out?)

For a physical thing... i wonder if this might help. Buy a big box of pencils. cheapies. When you get into one of those situations at home, Snap a pencil. Do it very thoughtfully and powerfully. Focus on it as you do it. I used to do this sometimes. Dunno if it will help. It is largely symbolic and depends on the degree you can mentally transfer your anger to the pencil. They say break dishes, but pencils are cheaper and you don't end up with glass all over the floor.

Clamming up is just as bad (for you) as being aggressive, tho it won't get you looked at suspiciously by security guards, it sounds like your arm might get chewed on more. Maybe the pencils could help with the arm thing, too?

You have great spirit! And I believe that mastering how to express it to the world will make it even greater.

Good luck and ((( hugs )))

~ waves ~