Hi Nikki, Happy Belated Birthday!!!
My daughter was 11 on Tuesday, it is nice when you are little and the dreams come true on one's birthday. But, tons of us and wishing you a happy next year! BIG HUGS

Whatever happens on Monday, at least it is closure.

I was there when personally my abuser won....
But at least I had closure and grew back a set a ba!!s I use to have.
LOL, also photo cell phone!
Wish I could be there, stand tall be accurate as your recall alows you. Just state the facts,everyone of them. Not just enough of to get the protection, but all of the facts. Make sure to talk to the attorney assigned to anything you want to make sure is clear.

Don't forget, they like to plea out as, if the judge hits them they are going to go down BIG!
Don't let him see you even wiggle. Think about what they will be asking you, how you will respond. jot down a few things important you don't want to forget. Rethink times or dates to get accuracy as you can.

If he has an attorney, remember the case is about the violation, not if you missed a dinner or throw out a prized possession of his.
IF you don't recall, then say that don't guess. IF you aren't sure of soething say that I would only be guessing at this point. Or I am not certain of the date, or time but it was on or about.

I put all this down as someday maybe years from now, someone searching the forum may find your support and find it supportive for them.
I know it will be fine for you, think positive!
Di

http://home.cybergrrl.com/dv/book/lovewheel.html

Tension-Building
criticism, yelling, swearing, using angry gestures, coercion, threats
Violence
physical and sexual attacks and threats
Seduction
apologies, blaming, promises to change, gifts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It also explains how three dynamics, love hope and fear, keep the cycle in motion and make it hard to end a violent relationship.
Love/Hope/Fear
keep the cycle in motion
Love...
for your partner, the relationship has its good points, it's notall bad
Hope...
that it will change, the relationship didn't begin like this
Fear...
that the threats to kill you or your family will become reality
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from Dr. Lenore Walker's "Cycle of Violence" - Denver, CO

Hi, I don't have to worry about talking, it is the STATE vs my husband. I don't even have to be there. This is the 3rd pre-trial, since the first one he didn't have legal representation, the 2nd his public defender called at the last minute and said they didn't have time to prepare.

I do have my input with the prosecutor, which they have to take into consideration, along with my med records and other things I mentioned in another post.

I have a great court advocate, she can even speak for me. I won't be shakey, my meds will take care of that.

He won't let this go to trial, too many witness's. I feel the need to be there and give my input, etc.

Thanks for all the info though. I do have things to jot down so I don't forget.

I don't mind the link, if it can help one woman it's worth it.

Anyway, by the time I get back from court my time, it will be late in the day.
Since court is at 3pm.

Hugs and thanks, Nikko

Felt the need to bump this up again......

Hi Nikko,
You are a good person.
I hope you can learn to see that in yourself. All by yourself, before you do anything or say anything, you are good and deserving of all good things.

You don't have to do anything. You are good just by being.

mari

Thanks Mari. I try. It's going to be a long week for me, waiting for court on Friday AGAIN.........I should be used to this by now, with all the pre-trials, and now another one. But, it get's my nerves in an uproar, then it's so draining afterwards mentally. So many emotions, so depressing. YUCKY that's how it is. I thank God I have a court advocate and a womens center advocate, they are angels, the support is wonderful, it's a crutch for me.

I hope justice is served.

Hugs, Nikko

Dear Nikko,
If you put all your hopes on justice, you might be disappointed. Can you change your hopes to something else? You have no control over whatever the court decides is justice. But you do have control over other parts of your life.
'Hoping that you will be ok soon.
Mari

time to read this agian nikko....
((((HUGS)))
bizi

Nikko,

This poem is so true and a reality check. My husband's abuse started out verbally, emotionally, and then physically. No one would listen to me when I told them my husband was emotionally abusing me. Not even my case managers at the Mental Health clinic or the therapists I saw.

befuddled2

wanted to share this with you.....

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Thanks Bizi, you are so right, time to read this again and again. Thanks for bumping this up. I have it on paper someplace too.

That is why I cannot stop my DV counseling weekly yet. Guess it is a longer haul than I thought. PTSD is a killer too.

For anyone who reads this and has been in a abusive relationship, all I can say is go for Domestic Violence Counseling at a Womens Center as I do.
It has made a world of difference, I have learned so much, I still go and probably will have to for awhile. I still slip back in time, so that's why this is good to read over and again when you start to slip back into those thoughts of .........you know.

Remember- There is NO Excuse for Domestic Violence as my bumper sticker states.

They make you think it is your fault, IT IS NOT.....that is there way of manipulation, conning, being a liar, etc. Oh, boy could I go on here, but I won't, because everyone needs to learn and listen themselves if they are in this type of situation. GET OUT ASAP the abuse only intensifies over time.

Thanks Bizi, I needed this really badly....Wow I feel better....Nikko

If anyone is in this type of situation or out of it and wants to talk, please let me know. I have only been free as they say since mid July.