Thanks you guys for the good thoughts... quiet... peace etc.

no more racing thoughts.
depressive sx improved
still very labile... reactive etc.

home situation quieter today with only one housemate home. i watched Poirot and Monk. i put headphones on when the other came home - no fights but still loud conversation. part is cultural and part to do with loss of hearing which docs consider "normal for age."

but... those airborne mood-stabilizers you sent must have worked, Mari. at least for today.

the meds are making me tired. been taking an extra 1mg En (usu take 2mg, now 3) too, because i couldn't stand the constant inner turmoil. today i took only a half extra in the am, skipped the afternoon half but went for a beer (only one) before dinner. i think that is helping.

yes i should walk... it's cold but not TOO cold... old story: nowhere near enough to walk that i like i.e. that's ISOLATED from noise or people traffic.

i see "tendency" to misspell things worse than before. dunno if it's the Depakote increase or sort of clang associations which can affect spelling.

~ waves ~

:rolleyes: i meant the En, not the beer. confusing, sorry.

oh and Mari i loved that sign you found me lol! :D

Waves. Glad to hear things are settling. I had 2 1/2 beers earlier which helped destress me. I'm going to bed now. Good night.

barbara

Hi, Waves,
Headphones probably help.

I hear you about weather being cold but not too cold.
The point about not perfect weather is that you need to be more considered about dressing to go outside than you would otherwise. Thinking about what to wear is an impediment to going out. That's what I gather. If I lived in a coolish / cold place, I'm not sure that I would ever go out.

I drive to a park to walk or to the gym.
So I hear you on this.
I could theoretically walk around my apt complex and nearby roads and would do so if I had no other options. But I prefer not to.

Walking saved my life at one point (Before yoga saved it again years later.) When my first husband announced he was leaving me, I had just starting walking about two miles a day 3 times a week down a busy-ish road. I guilted him into walking with me. I figured he could help me feel safer on that road and help me firm up my incipient walk schedule so that I could feel stronger.
He did walk with me for a few weeks -- long enough for me to get set on a schedule that I could stick to.

I read long ago that walking can quiet the brain -- something to do with the left / right parts of the body work. And probably about moving forward.
Also, when I walk, I don't think about much else -- a bit of meditation is happening. My head gets cleared for most things beyond what I see around me. It is a relief to walk at the little park at the little park and think only of what I see and hear (cars on adjoining road, children, people from neighborhood who seemed to have walked to the park, the ducks that are protected by law but are otherwise also considered pests, my breathing , . . . )

I'm happy to hear the update about your starting to feel better.
I hope that you feel good soon.
M.

Mari, sounds like we have distinct issues re:outdoors/walking
 

i used to run on back country roads. walked at first before i had the running stamina. i had a foot injury years ago. it has healed but i still have pain and running is still a no can do. this is the first time in about 4 years that i have gone a whole year (since last march) without requiring ectromagnetic treatment to my sesamoids due to severe inflammation, swelling, pain etc.

i am still gradually increasing distances. i can't get to the places i used to LIKE to walk or run. i resent that. i am trying to self motivate to at least walk towards those areas in spite of the "privacy pollution" i encounter - that is a better word for it... i think my saying "NOISE" before... related things too much and exclusively to sound... i did also say people pollution or something like that.

anyway, if i push it too far once too often and end up needing treatment it is like, haha, start over. and its a long freakin haul. and i want to be able to run again.

i have no portable anything with which to use headphones outside, but would not do so anyway. would prefer earplugs if anything. i dislike adding decibels to decibels. when desperate, i will use them - say when trying to watch tv with others being noisy. headphones can reduce the overall decibels by bringing what i want to hear in better focus over the rest... rather than upping the volume. the alternative would be to turn off what i want to hear and hear what i don't or wear plugs.

but outdoors is different.

i like country sights and sounds. trees, birds, wind, leaves or grasses, shifting and rustling, crickets. no ppl activity... the odd jogger is ok - thump thump pant pant "hello" or a nod and smile, give each other room to pass. lone joggers are much more observant of personal space it seems. i sometimes cross the road.

clothing due to cold is just, not, an issue, here. the temp is what it is. (and it is not that cold.) i have adequate clothes for this season and am used to them. i don't have many so there is not this big choice involved. i change shirts. the jacket and boots and jeans remain. scarf i vary on my whim. when i don't care or am too indecisive, i have neutral scarves that suit everything. hat optional.

thanks for trying though. i do appreciate your thoughts and your support. ;)

when my feet are strong enough to get to the isolated areas it will be better. until then walking is not enjoyable. i dislike hearing, seeing or thinking about any kinds of other people be they children squealing, adults yakking, or cars going by.

today it is nippier inside than out, i bet. but it's sunday and probably more populated in town. i can hear general people sounds from the park... through closed windows. :o

~ waves ~ from indoors

benzos beer and stress
 

heheh well, destress is good. 2 and a half is ehhh... well don't do it too often. we do need to stay on the reasonable side. as i use En, i have to be careful with the beer... to avoid the multiplicative effect and hiking my tolerance to the med.

technically, anyone using a benzo should not drink at all as there is greater risk of addiction to BOTH substances, but...

i personally use moderation.

i think stress is a lot worse than a beer or two now and then, whether or not you take a benzo, barbara ;) now if you were doing beers daily, i'd suggest you talk to your doc about giving you a benzo and quitting the beer - better for your liver.

glad you felt better tho.;)

~ waves ~

Sorry, Waves
 

Dear Waves,
I was not trying to give you suggestions.
I know that you take whatever measures you can to get through your days.

I was only recounting something I had done to help myself.


Perhaps I should have left if off the thread and saved you the trouble of explaining.

Loosing confidence in your feet to move you the way you used to do would feel like a loss to me and be one more thing to mourn.

I really wasn't thinking very well when I posted. :o :(

M.

Hey Mari
 

Noooooooooooooo need to apologize!!! What for????

Really!

I just appreciate your being here so much.

Perhaps i took your story too... "suggestively" :rolleyes:;) so... had to go and explain in my mechanical way that i do sometimes... why this that does or doesn't apply....

*I'm* sorry if i upset you! :(

i do seem to be suggestionable lately!!!

:hug:

~ waves ~

Waves,
It's ok. I wanted you to know that I was in my rambling rather than my advice mode.
I wonder if we can get icons for both of those?

M.

Waves,

Ear plugs vs. headphones is very interesting to me. I too have trouble pacing myself when I walk. I seem to over due it at times and kind of just give up from hurting to keep at it. Same thing with my back. Hopefully you and I both will get our endurance up to do what we both want. Although I would think that jogging would be harder on your foot than walking.

I think my Ativan is a benzo isn't it? I do not take it but once in a blue moon though. I do not drink too often but at one time had gotten to drink more than I should.

Walking really helps bring my blood pressure down and that is what keeps me walking the most. It's been raining since Friday though so walking has been hard. I hope to increase my walking to walk continous for 30 minutes at a time.