And I totally forgot, it wasn't until Mom mentioned it to me I remembered and dang near started crying on the spot. I have such grief about his passing. Good thing I have therapy tomorrow. I am going to try to talk to her about it. Can't seem to stop crying.

Dear Pam,
Anniversaries are hard.
'Sending you healing thoughts.
M.

I am sorry pammie,
glad that you see your tdoc tomorrow.
((((HUGS))))
beth

Pam,
How are you today?
M.

Wish I could say I am better, but I cried in session. I held out for awhile but because we were doing assertiveness training I just had to talk to her about it though. So anyway, not much to say, things are just not going well. I am just so depressed.

Dear Pam,
I'm sorry to hear that.
Maybe it is ok to be depressed for a little while.
M.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Pam. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you Grief is so hard. Tomorrow is the day I lost my brother. I've been dreading this day for so long. It all comes flowing back like ocean currents.

Dear BJ,
'Sorry that you are dealing with grief too.

M.

Oh BJ, you're so right, it does come flooding back like in currents. I'm so sorry for your loss, I am an only child so I never knew what it was like to have any siblings but my mom was one of five, so I kinda got some idea and I can't imagine how awful it would be for Mom to lose one of her brothers. Bless your grieving heart. Take care of yourself BJ. If you need to talk we're here for you.

I am feeling better today, woke up feeling much better, not sure why, but last night I was so sad, today I feel kinda just there, bored and tired of NOT writing. Decided to listen to some OLD Def Leppard too, maybe that has some effect, this album I got on now always made me smile.

Pam grief is a lot like the ocean. It is deep and dark and scary. You can even get lost in the waves of it all, being continuously tossed back and forth. They say grief does end somewhere. There comes a point in time where you wake up and the pain isn't quite so hard to bear and the days come and go where not one tear was shed. I have days like that sometimes, and other days, like today, the tears fall like they are never ending. If Mark's death was a "normal" death maybe I wouldn't be so consumed by it all.

I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better today. Just keep looking for the prize, winning that contest