Hi, I usually post on the RSD or PN sections of this wonderful site but I need some advise. My husband and I are caring for my mother-in-law who has stage 4 lung cancer. I have known this woman for 30 years, she is strong, generous beyond what she ever has to be, smart and just the best mother in law I could have ever asked for. She is living with us for the last 4 weeks and we are doing the taking back and fourth for chemo, doctors etc. and we live a hour plus away from her area so that is hard on her but what can you do.
To complicate matters she had a pipe burst under her house she did not realize it and now it's a big problem but my husband is meeting with contractors so that it can be fixed. She can not go home because there is quite a bit of mold that came into the house and everything in the basement, that just got remodeled, has to be re-done. Once it is we will take her back and my husband and I will take shifts living there because we have children,teenagers they don't need 100% care but there teenagers, good ones but I don't think I need to say anymore.

Here's our problem. I sorry that I rambled above. She has just given up. She has her own room in our home but will not do anything for herself. I mean she does not move not even to go the bathroom. She hardly eats we try believe me we have to almost force her to drink. My concern is that I think her cancer is much further along than even her doctors know. This is a example of one of my concerns that might be showing she is close to death. She does drink during each day but she does not urinate. I was here alone on Tuesday she got up I asked her if she needed help going to the bathroom and she said know I'll wait she never got up until I insisted at 2pm she just walk around the house and then she stopped at the bathroom. Could her kidneys be failing? Isn't all that laying flat dangerours in regards to blood clots?

I will be asking a lot of questions on Monday at the oncologist, I have cared for people who have cancer and doing chemo but I have never seen someone just lay in bed day after day and not move. Please if anyone has any advise please I'll take anything. I also know she is very depressed.

Thank you all for listening,

Gabbycakes

Yes, it IS very dangerous for her to just lay in bed. A blood clot could form at any time. She should be wearing those hose that are good for preventing clots ~ ask the pharmacy or medical supply store for some. They should have some. Keep them on her as long as she's in bed. And if she's not drinking, she's probably dehydrated, and therefore won't urinate. She doesn't have anything to void. You can tell by "pinching" some skin on her hand, and if it stays UP, then she's dehydrated. If it goes immediately back down, she's not. Chances are, she is.

Perhaps she'll drink more thru a straw. You might think she's drinking alot, but she needs more. Get her a straw. They like that - at least my husband did when he was sick. Many things taste like metal too when they're on chemo - Get her some stronger tasting drinks like cranberry juice - that's good for the kidneys, plus it tastes stronger. Get some Insure - that gives her added Nutrients. Make her drink several a day if she will. Mix the Insure with ice cream - that makes a good malted. Buy some of the flavored teas, if she likes tea - that might give her more energy cause it has caffeine in it. lol I can't think of much else, but this is a start.

Ask the doc about an antidepressant. She sure could use one at this time. No one should die feeling so depressed. God bless, and take care of YOURSELF too! Hugs, Lee

I'm confused a bit,
She's dying for sure??
but still doing chemo?

What do the drs say about her status?
Usually they know when the end is getting near and recommend hospice.

Some do just decide to give up the fight and they just want to be free of the drs, appts & pain and suffering...

The main thing if she is nearing the end is to keep her comfortable and as pain free as possible.


We spent much time with brother in law when he was dying from cancer {liver & other}, He wouldn't go on his own - his elderly father had to drag him in to ER. But he was too far advanced for any chemo , so that was it.
He just wanted to be home where he could go in peace all he would eat the last few days was watermelon.
He wanted no covers on him and kicked them off quite often - but it was summer in CA at the time - even though the AC was on.
He passed away 6 days after finally going to the hospital.

Thanks for all the advise. We have done everything suggested over the last 2months ensure, cranberry, apple, orange juice, straws nothing is working for her. She complains of that metal taste all the time, but she refuses to drink. As far as her status she has Stage 4 Lung cancer with one lung removed and yes they are still giving her chemo. We asked the question of why are we still doing chemo and the answer is ethically they have to offer it until the see signs start showing of close impending death, or she refuses and as of yesterday her white and red blood counts are low but still within the range the only low number was platelets.She is completely coherent so we really have no choice but just to support her. She will die within the next 6 months or maybe more maybe less but she wants to continue. The visiting nurse suggested hospice but at this point I don't think there is a need. They did RX paxcil which I filled today and I hope it helps because I believe depression is almost her whole attitude problem.

She is scheduled for chemo on Monday the 4th, a cat scan is being done and then the chemo. I hope the cat scan shows improvement.

Thanks to all.

Gabbycakes

Hi again, Gabbycakes

I sure hope the Paxil helps cause I agree that depression is a BIG problem. It might help with the appetite too!! Bless her heart, she might just feel hopeless. That makes it miserable for everyone.

Please keep us updated on her progress, ok? I'd really like to know. And again, take care of yourself! You must be exhausted! Big hugs, Lee

Thanks so much Leesa. Actually the last couple of days she is feeling better and eating better but we will start the roller coster ride after she gets the chemo on Monday. We also had to the legal smart things are far as her estate which the attorney will have ready for us today and she will sign all the papers and I have to take her, just uncomfortable. I would do anything for this woman but I'm the daughter in law, we have always been close especially since I had my accident she helped me often when I needed it. My husband has been incredible with her I quess that's why where together for 30 years he truly is a kind individual.

The only negative this week is she hasn't started the Paxcil yet and I filled it on Tuesday. But I'm going to try and see if she'll start it today so it's in her system and will help during the hard times of the chemo.

Again, thank you so much.

Gabbycakes