[BJ]

One year ago today you left this earth to be with God. It was way too soon mom. I know you were lonely for dad but I guess I never realized how much.

My heart is heavy with grief, loneliness and guilt. I’ll never see your smiling face again, only pictures and memories. We shared a lot together and I’d do anything to have things they way they were. I didn’t know how sick you were or else I would have stayed that day. Maybe I could have gotten you to the hospital sooner, but I didn’t know, no one knew your heart would give out that day. A heart that was filled with love, laughter and joy. You were always there for me with a hug, a smile, good food or just being a mom. But I feel that I let you down that day. I’d do anything to feel you again, to touch you, but it’s not to be.

Thank you for being my mom and, more importantly, my friend. I miss you terribly.

[KathyM]

MeBP

I wanted to be with my best friend when she passed.

I wanted to be with my father when he passed.

I wanted to be with my mother when she passed.

Turned out, I wasn't there for any of them when they passed. There was nothing I could have done anyway to save them, even if I had been with them at the time.

Sucks, don't it?

Your mom sounded like a wonderful woman. How blessed you were to have a woman like that bring you into the world.

[Cathy]

One year is a very short time in the eternal realm of things. That first year is always horrendous as every holiday, birthday, special event, a memory that just pops up...people somehow remain very numb through all those firsts. For all that you said, you sound like you are handling your "grand" mom's death in a mature and knowing way.

Being there when they died - there are so many ideas that go along with that. I was sort of there when my Dad died; not though for my brother, my friend, my mother and father in law. The only way I can look at these occurrences is that some people who have strong relationships in life are loathe to let the people they love watch them leave. It's a point in time that they need to be just them. But I can't say it doesn't hurt.

A girl I work with lost her husband back in Dec. when he tried to stop a thief after a store robbery. The thief was caught, her husband a hero, but her life has been turned topsy turvey. I'd ask in your prayers to think of her as she is having a desperately difficult time. Hopefully one of these days very soon, she will come around. All deaths and circumstances are different and people can give all the suggestions they can, but each person has to handle it in their own way. We are all unique and grieving is no different.

I hope that in this second year, you will be able to think of memories without that shooting pain that hits the heart and in time, which truly is the only thing that will make a difference, there will be a smile where today there is a tear.

I will think of you.
Cathy

[KathyM]

Cathy

I'll keep your friend in my prayers as well. I think you're right about relationships.

On the day my best friend was dying, my car was in the shop and my father wouldn't let me use his. The hospital was in a rough part of town, and he didn't want me in that neighborhood alone at night.

Circumstances didn't allow me to be with her, but I knew her very well. She never wanted me to see her in pain. When they inserted a chest tube one day I could hear her screams from all the way down the hall. When I walked back into the room, she had a chipper smile on her face and said "Well now, THAT was fun. So, how's Larry?"

When dad was dying, he wouldn't allow me to stay with him because he knew I'd probably get fired. He knew my boss would find pleasure in firing me for not being a "team player" and taking so much time off work. My father didn't want me to lose my job because of him.

Mom hated me, so she never wanted me around. Her last words to me were an angry "Go home!" I had already given up fighting with her, so I did as I was told. I'm still angry she had to die alone in leather restraints (she was trying to get home too), but I'm glad I obeyed her last order to me without any fuss. She suffered a lot in life - she deserved to have the last word.

[shiney sue]

My dad Passed away 31 years ago,i had my youngest son 9 months 1 day
later. I know dad would of wanted for me to on enjoy the new one. But after
31 years i choose to remember all the good things!!

My grandmother outlived her son my dad by 37 years..In the cedar
chest she left me, were full of cherish weekly letters he wrote to her
after we moved from Mo. to Mi. I was 5 my brother 6 he wrote them
every week imagine When i read them they were so full of love about
his chrildren,and mostly about our mom and his 2 grandchildren he got to
love and know for a short period of time.It was a little like going though
you life through your dad'd life what a gift..O he left a sweet letter for any
future grandchildren. There was 3 more and all of them are married all doing
well!!

Than my wonderfull husband 8 years ago, we had 3 children in College
all in college at the same time. Two of the kids where on there way to
spring vacation,Dad drove up and said don't i get a hug. They yelled yes
as soon as we get back. They had a hard time with that,oh why didn't why
didn't we hug dad?? I told them he didn't need the hug he knew they
loved them

Almost 4 yrs. now my mom passed away,do i still pick up the phone to
call her yes..I can just see her laughing at the 1st year is so hard when
you loose someone,you love.She knows you love her..But more than
honey she would want you to live your live to it's fullest,i know i do.
You are in my prayers and many lessings Sue

[BJ]

Almost 4 yrs. now my mom passed away,do i still pick up the phone to
call her yes..I can just see her laughing

And I just did that today, out of instinct. I don't even realize I'm doing it but when things are "good" or things are "bad" I grab the phone to call mom, but there's only silence.

I was just going to push the "thank you" button but I felt that was not enough. Thank you for sharing your stories, your grief and your sorrow.

Grief takes time, sorrow takes time. Only if..........?????