Originally Posted by jessica

I am so very sorry for your loss, reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I am 29 years old & had never lost a loved one til this year. I was sitting at home on saturday March 15th 2008 & the phone rang. My Mom, Sister & I were going to start the saturday off just as we always would. My Dad had left at 1:00 AM on Saturday morning to go out of town on a hunting trip that two of his long time friends had invited him to. My Dad had told them that he couldn't go because he didn't have the money for it but they begged him to go along and offered to pay the expenses. My Dad had been off of work since mid January for a slight heart attack that took him to the hospital for 4 days. They had put a stint in one of the valves of his heart due to what they call minor blockage. The doctor had told us that the heart attack was small and had done little damage to the heart. He was quickly put on plavix to thin the blood that would be follow thru the new stint thwy had put in. He was also given new meds for his diabetes & after the 4th day in the hospital he returned home. He was suppose to be off of work for 6 to 8 weeks under dr.'s orders. When he came home he seemed to be ok, just had somewhat of lck of energy. He remained of of work and at the beginning of February was suppose to start cardiac rehab. The 1st appt he went to was for a stress test that was done on the treadmill. The readings of the stress test didn't look good and my Dad quickly had chest pain. He was then put in the hospital immediately and the following day 2 more stints were put in. The doctor then said there was additional blockage, that he never bothered to mention before. They sent my Dad home the following day and he seemed fine. Then Friday March 13 he had a doctor appt with the cardiologist that released him back to work that following monday march 17th. But 9 hrs and 45 min after my dad left our house for the hunting trip he was gone. I can't believe I lost my Dad. He was 56 years old and his B-day was 6 weeks away. I feel like he was taken away too earlier. I never thought I wouldn't have my Dad in my ife and I don't know how to deal with it. My Mom and Dad are my whole world. My dad had a massive heart attack and will never get to come home fromthat hunting trip. I miss him so much, and the funny things is that my dad had a bad temper and we would usually argue here and there. But I give anything to have an arguement with him today if he could just be here. I have never gone thru anything like this before and feel so helpless. He is gone and there is nothing I can do about it, nothing will change it and it makes me so mad. I feel like shaking someone and asking them why why'd you take my dad away from us. It wasn't his time. I know it wasn't. It makes me sick to know that he was hurting and none of us were there with him. I wish I could have been there to hold his hand and tell me I love him. To tell him that I would take care of my mom and the house. I hate to think that he was scared and I couuldn't be there for him. He was alwasy there for me. It didn't matter what it was, he was there. Now all I see is him in the casket at the funeral. I can't get it out of my head. Everywhere I go I expect to him as I normally would. Now when I call home he doesn't answer the phone, I don't hear him walking down the steps to come downstairs when he gets up in the morning, and he isn't sitting in the recliner in the living room when I walk in the door. Everything I look at reminds me of him. i'm surrounded by his belongings and everything has a memory to it. The memories make you want to smile but right now all I can do is cry. I can't believe that I just went to my own fathers funeral. I thought I had at least 20 more years left with my parents. I have never gone a day in my life of 29 years, not a day that I haven't either seen or spoke to my Dad. Now I haven't seen him in 22 days, and I keep thinking he's gonna come home from hunting and he never does! On top of this I have to see my Mom that I love dearly, be in so much pain. She is not doing very well, She was with my dad for 34 yrs. They did everything together, and now she has lost her best friend lover partner companion father of her children husband boyfriend, I can't begin to imagine her pain. I hate this, our lives are going to be so much different we have to move because we cant afford to stay in the house we are in and all of the changes that we have to make are going to be so hard. But the hardest part is going to be that my dad wont be part of the changes. It's like we have to start a new way of life and he's being left out. I don't know what to do anymore, I try to stay strong cuz I know I have to be for my Mom and I know my dad doesnt want me to be sad and hurting. But I can't help it cry several times thru out the day and I had to return to work which is really hard.