thank you Debi for your kind words I am struggling, like you I still look on the other side of the bed expecting him to be there, I put my arm out and I don't find him there it hurts so much, I just feel so lost everyone said it will get easier but I don't know I know it has only been 3 weeks it hurts every day.

Hi Diane, I glad to read Debi has reached out, when I read your first post. Debi immediately came to my mind; that & Bubba's flannel shirt. People say it gets easier; but I believe your mind and body just become stronger & more adept to negotiating life day by day. Time passes, but you don't forget, the pain just becomes a little less & not in a time span you can measure or say by this time I will be. Everyone is different. I hope you have family & friends you can turn to, I pray your children in their sorrow are still a comfort to you.

Hi Pam thank you for your kind words I have family that are trying to help but when they all leave I just feel so lonely I just hate feeling this way it hurts so much I know that time will help but time seems to pass so slowly.

Hi Dianne, time does pass so slowly in excruciating seconds / minutes when you're in mourning. My fiancé committed suicide many years ago, we hadn't forged a life so my pain was different to yours but I do remember how I felt and how people were uncomfortable to mention his name.

Yes it would be hard when everyone has gone home, your house and everything in it represents the life you had. I hope you can continue to talk about Jeff with your family & friends, keep his memory alive, treasure all the good times and the love you shared. From your opening words it clear yours was a life filled with love. Some people choose to plant a tree or plant, they tend to it and watch it grow, I'm not sure if that's you, but it's something I know people do?

Dianne, I think that Pamela has offered you some great ideas.

thank you to all that are supporting me I have planted a tree and I am going out everyday to look at it and tend to it but I am finding that everyday seems to get worse not better I just need the hurt to stop I just don't feel there is anything for me anymore without jeff I am lost I try and do thing everyday to take my mind off of the hurt I am feeling I look after the alpacas but there is no joy there anymore it just seems to hard.

It's Debi again. It was very hard for months......I don't even remember when the horrible pain started easing off. Maybe that's normal ?

I was like you, lost every single day. I'd look out the window when it was time for him to be home just hoping he'd pull in the yard. I'd see him everywhere. His chair in the dining room, his chair in the living room....laying across our bed to ease his back pain when he came in from work.

I screamed, hollered and just pitched fits. Cried hysterically. I'm still sad. Still don't find a lot of happiness in much of anything. My grandkids bring me the most smiles. And my babies, Charlie dog and Angus. Bob the bum, my 20 lb cat and Black Kitty (the outside cat I never named...lol)

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. The pain and hurt is just a raw and open wound.
I know Bubba would not want me to be like this. He would want me out living my life 2 years after his passing. Easier said that done I'm afraid.

You have to give yourself time to heal and find some new normal that you don't want.....don't want to have to learn.

Please keep us posted. We care....I care.

Debi

Hi Debi thank you for being there for me I am so glad that I can talk to someone I was in a bad place the other night and I kept thinking about what you said that I have to give it time and it will get better I just wish it would get better now as I am finding that everyday it just seems to be getting worse I am like you where, crying all the time just keep asking him to come back as we where suppose to spend the rest of our lives together and like you I just keep seeing him all around the house I just feel so sad it just doesn't seem to get any better but I suppose it is still early days.

Hi everyone well I am still here and I don't cry everyday as much now I am learning to get on with what I have been given, I still miss jeff very much I have a diary that I tell him about my day, that helps I am still very lonely for him but it is a little easier now after 3 months, and I would like to thank everyone for there support in the early days when I needed to talk to someone, it made all the difference as if I spoke to a councilor they call in the mental health people that want to send you to a mental health ward because you tell them how you are feeling, but you say these things when you are very much not yourself if that makes sense, I know I was not myself just after jeff died I was a mess and it takes time to come to terms with what has happened.

I am so very sorry for your loss Dianne. I am glad you joined this group. This a very caring and compassionate group. You are not alone. Hugs and Prayers.