Originally Posted by herekitty1960

I don't visit this forum too much - usually stay on the MS Forum - but I thought I would post this. Hopefully it will help someone else.

I lost my husband in 2001 very suddenly and unexpectedly. It was a huge shock and it took me quite a while to get my bearings after that. I joined an online Grief Revocery Group. The online forum helped very much. The name of that forum is GROWW (www.groww.org). It helped me more than anything else. I also made some wonderful friendships from that group.

Then in 2005 I lost both of my parents - Dad in January and Mom in March. In October 2005 I was dx with MS. Needless to say 2005 was not my favorite year. My parents were elderly - 82 and 84 when they passed - so they had long enjoyable lives but both were in poor health when they passed away. I was fortunate enough to be with my Dad when he died - I was right beside him holding his hand. It was an experience like no other - I was so glad to have been with him yet so sad to have lost him. I was a "Daddy's Girl" my whole life and, in his eyes, I could do no wrong. Not true - but to him it was - and I loved him dearly. My Mom was in a nursing home for 10 years prior to her death and I didn't make it there in time to be with her when she passed - but she knew I loved her and we had a wonderful relationship throughout her life. We were friends as well as mother/daughter. I can only hope to be as good of a mother as she was.

Then in 2008 I lost my older sister, Susan. She passed away in January of this year - just a few weeks ago. She was only 58 and had early onset Alzheimer's. It was very hard to lose her but I know she is in Heaven looking down over us with Mom and Dad. And she is whole again - no more pain.

My reason for posting all of this is to possibly give some hope to those who are struggling with the loss of someone close to them - relative or friend. It's hard - probably one of the hardest things you'll go through. But it's survivable. You have to ask for help, though, if you feel you need it. There is no shame in that.

And it's OK to be angry. That's just part of the grieving process. I was - each time I lost a loved one it made me angry.

I'm no expert nor do I claim to have all the answers. What works for me might not work for someone else. But, it still hurts to lose someone and we have no choice but to go through the grieving process.

I hated it when people told me that time would help with the hurt. Time seemed like my enemy - just making me hurt more. But, it's true - it does ease up with time. You'll never "get over" it. But you will learn to adapt to the changes.

When you think about it we adapt to life's changes all the time. I had to adapt to the huge change MS made in my life. I also had to adapt to the change of facing that hurdle alone - without my husband to help me. But I had to and it's made me a stronger person.

Sorry to have rambled on for so long. My only goal in posting this is to help someone who might be having a hard time right now coping with the loss of a loved one.

Originally Posted by Joyce

Sorry to read about your losses. I can relate to you.

I first lost my brother age 46 in 1986, my mother (82) in 1996 my father
(84) in 2001 my sister (47) in 2001. The biggest hurt was when my
husband passed in 2006.

Time does seem to numb you to the lost. But when certain things happen
that sparks a memory it hurts all over again like it did the first time.

What has really helped me are my two children. Or should I say Adult
children. They are a part of him. So he does live on in life as well as spirit.

Joyce (also known as Jappy )