The sun rises everyday,and people say it will get better,
but yet the pain is constant.
Relief never comes...
I wait and pray, but everyday stays the same.
My cup is not only empty, it is drying up, cracking, dehydrated and thirsting for an answer, but I hear nothing back.
There is no one there to help me rise.
There is not one there to hold me and dry my eyes from the tears that overwhelm my soul.
I am a woman of faith, but I hurt so much I can no longer hear my Father.
I cry out to Him, with open arms and eyes swollen shut.
The darkness is all around me kicking me while I lay helpless in the starless sky.
Whatever happened to happily ever after?
What is the reason of such a sadness as this?
A debilitating darkness eating me from the inside out and ringing the life from me.
Dose anyone hear me?
Can anyone even see me anymore?
Am I just forgotten? Left to crawl alone, unable to walk in the sun forever?
I miss the sun.
I miss the light.
I want to be me again, but I don't know where she is.
I don't know how to find her.
I have nothing left.
I have been consumed by this wicked evil, killing me from within.
I am like a book that has been hollowed out.
From the outside I seem fine, but it is within me, taking over slowly, silently. I can't escape.

I hear your soul crying. You are not alone. I will be here for you to listen to you. Do not loose hope that all is broken. There is still good in people on this earth. I know you are in pain, both physical and emotional. Your heart cried out, and I feel it in my own. write to me, tell me what is happening to make your life so unbearable. Let me reach back to you and try and help. someone on this site did that for me, and may have saved both my life and my soul. Now I am here, to help do the same for others. I want to be a person you can go to, who will support you while you go through this crisis. Even if you are alone, this is a way for two humans to touch. don't regard this as just a PC. There is a real live human being on this end who wants to help you. The very fact that you reached out through space and time, to ask for compassion will help you to heal. Pain is so often the great evil that we have to fight. It destroys a person heart and soul sometimes, and we need others to help patch us up so we can go on.
Currently I am waiting for another surgery. I am at home with my foot propped up and I will be around the boards. Please private message me anytime you want. I check back here as often as time permits. I will keep yo in my prayers today. I do have a list of souls I pray for. In fact it is a box I keep right next to my computer. I care, I know you are despondant. allow another human to bring a tiny light back into your life. ginnie

welp.. where do I start? i have been in pain for so long i can't remember not hurting. it starts i guess when i was 17, i got my first boyfriend, he raped me on or date just told me to relax you know you want it. i cryed and he didn't stop. two wks later i found out i was pregnate. i was raised cathlic so i decided to keep the baby and try and work things out with him. i am from an abuseive family and have been molested when i was very young so bad treatment was all i knew. i stayed with him for 3yrs. raped everyday held down and it didn't matter if i was crying begging pleading bleeding throwing up he didn't care. we left him. went to a d.v. shelter. then went home then he followed and it happened again i pressed charges and came back here. i was a mess when i got back. after the court stuff jurry judges lawers. it went bad. i got a job and my own plae after a yr. i got 2nd job and a 3rd and a 4th. i was working myself to death. then i started having trouble with my hands and walking terible headaches and pain got worse and spread. about 4 months ago i meet a ciropractor at a health fair . my pain levels on this scanner thing where extreamly high and he was shocked. i went in to see him and he told me i have subluxaltion stage2 and a -9 degree bend in my neck. i then went to my primary dr where she sent me to get xrays and mris and i have stenosis of c 4,5,6,7 with bluging and protruding disks with moderate to sivere nerve pathway blockage. i cant work i have nothing lost my apartment my car broke. so now my daughter is with my sister because her father is sending child suport so i cant provide for her. and i had found a way to function with out being zombiefid on pain meds. i was smokeing weed along with half my meds instead of all of it. this way i could still drive work move sleep eat. i told on myself because i didnt want to get in trouble i wanted to get real help i have been trying to get my dr to do something for 7 yrs but she dont even remember me when i go it to see her. so to get things i need my family has to give me money and pay my bills and i only get an allowance for gas but i have a old ford bronko so i cant go far. i meet with the surgon on wed. i dont know whats even going on i tryed looking it up but i dont understand. i made an apointment with a shrink for th. but i am scared ill say something wrong and end up in a crazy house. i have p.t.s.d. and socail anziaty sever depression. i am now staying in a shelter. with men and woman very close courters and im scared all the time. my meds make me weird and i dont want to be around anyone. i only get to see my daughter 1 time a wk becaause i dont have gas to drive to where she is. i am also haveing a hard time geting the thc out of my system. last time i smoked was nov 28 but dec 29 it was still in me. my dr and my pharmasist said it ccould take 45 to 90 days to get out because i smoked everynight before i went to sleep. never in the house or around my child . i am a good mother i just felt like i had to keep moving but i couldnt on pills. and it did really help with alot. my daughter fathers new girl friend calls me everyday and wants to be my friend and keeps talking about there fights and blablabla and now they are trying to have a baby...he dont take care of our child. how could he do that? my sisters live out here too and my olderst sister dont believe im sick cus shes mad at the world and numb to emotion because her husband keeps cheetng on her and she keeps catching him but wont leave him. my other sister has friends living with her and her friends husband is in and out of the syke ward. my other sister that has my daught just had a baby so shes a hot mess of i dont know what to do already. my lil sister has no money because she works for our oldest sister and she is taking advantage of her. my parents had an abusive relationship and are devorced . my mom remairaed had my brother who has asburgers and then got a devorce because he cheeted on her. my dad also remaried and she was a pill popper and lmost died from an over dose my brother and i had to brake in her room and carry her to the car to take her to the er. and now we dont talk much. i am a hudge stupid inconveniounce and it be easyer if i just died. no one can afford this no one will be able to help me throw surger if i need it . i will lose my spot in shelter if i do have surgers because ill have to go to rehab. i worry way to much it makes me sound crazy. thats why i try not to talk to people. the dr didnt read me the lower back mri. because she said she couldnt tell me to much about it because she wasnt a surgon. im sorry all the spelling mistakes i only have limited time on line because the owner here at the shelter is kinda a controle freak and locks everything and when i asked for help or a direction to get help she told me i just had to figure it out on my own. i dont understand i know weed is alligal but if thats the only black mark on my record . do i really desure all this nightmaire? i get on my knees everynight and i have no words except please let me die im so tired and im in so much pain. i only sleep 3hrs if that a night. i am not alowed to sleep during the day . i am so lost

You are in my prayers and yes our father still hear our prayers

brocken angel,

Hello and welcome, happy to see you have come to be with us, it a great place to be. As you can see we have a great number and caring fellow members here, we are a supportive and relaxing place. Have fun looking into the different forums. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene

Hello Angel You end saying your lost but you being "Lost" has gotten you to docs and also gotten you here and now you are part of our family here at Neurotalk
I can see that you are a fighter and your posts show that ! You are NOT stupid. You seem like a good mother trying to better yourself and in turn be better for daughter and all those in your life. Exspecialy you. You are the most important person in your life!! Take care of you.
Never give up or give in. the ones left behind will carry such guilt and helplessness for the rest of their lives. even us new friends you have made here.
Wonder can you get on medicaid/medicare and go to health clinics or the mayo clinic for your pain issues and stenosis? maybe have to scrounge for bus money to get to mayo and back but worth it to get help.
my oldest sister has/ had sever spinal stenosis . issues with both with neck and her back . she recently had decompression on her neck ,she is a zillion times better since surgery.
I am really sorry for all that you have been and are going threw,dealing and living with nobody not even you deserve "nightmare" times ,or issues like that. I am very very glad you have apt with talk doc and also the surgeon. 2 HUGE steps . Take those steps and DO NOT look so far ahead at the what ifs okay they are far off and you are just human just like me and all the others here. it is one step at a time. dont get overwhelmed by looking at EVERYTHING . you will worry and that makes the pain worse. who knows if surgery is in the picture it may be that you just need meds and to wear a brace or something. so One step at a time angel sister you are doing really good so keep those apts with talk doc and the surgeon and please when time allows post here and let us know how you are how you feel and how the apts went. remember we are here for you and keeping you in our prayers and positive thoughts.
PEACE
BMW

I will re-read your post. I care about you. I am so sorry you are in pain. I'm not doing such a good job today on NT as I had a tooth pulled. I spent the day reading. I will be back to write to you, and try to respond in some kind way. You will be in my prayers as I go to sleep tonight. Sometimes things get so overwhelming it is hard to sort things out. Have faith that things can get better. ginnie

You seem to have done more to stop the pain than I thought possible in such a short period of time. Congratulations. Be sure and give God the credit.

When the twelve lepers in the Bible were healed .. only one came back and thanked Jesus. He stayed clear of his disease .. the other eleven did not thank him and their leprosy came back.

You are still in my prayers. I hope your pain is less today. I did hear you and I do care. Please know that others on this site care about you too. I don't know why we have to suffer at times, I do know that God hears us. ginnie

wow, this almost made me cry