I Won

Today I played golf, but not very well
I hooked all the balls, my partner will tell
My driving was poor, sometimes out of sight
The fairways were slim, the greens wouldn’t bite

Long game or short play, no matter of which
My irons were rusty, my putter a twitch
Not one single par or birdie did make
I went in some bunkers and many did rake

In woods and in fields my topflight did go
It was quite windy, I should have kept low
We hired a buggy of battery power
It’s a good job we did, it started to shower

On went the wet proofs, to stifle our swing
A nice slug of brandy I forgot to bring
The sun didn’t wink for the rest of the day
Was breezy and cold, restricting our play

The 19th beaconed , our throats were too dry
We were so bloody cold we wanted to cry
The last green was here , I looked at my line
A forty foot putt, or fifty was mine

I hit the ball firm and followed it through
It went in the hole, expletives they flew
From partner came words, you don’t want to hear
The drinks were on him, the whiskies and beer.

listerine

Claims

This morning I tried to keep myself calm
I’ll talk nice and gentle with phone in my palm
I promised the wife to sort this one out
My mind was resolved, my thoughts had no doubt

There’s needless to say that didn’t ring true
the end of the call saw airwaves turn blue
I’d been on the phone for most of the day
Chasing my claims and denied with no pay

Look my dear lady, again I am through
I’m chasing my tail, it’s all down to you
I’ve spoken to Bill, I’ve spoken to Jane
Please give an answer I’m going insane

On august the fifth my claim I did send
The end of October is just round the bend
How long do we wait, our cupboards are bare
This Government promised its taxes to share

To claim D L A, a form you must fill
Fifty nine pages of testing your will
Complete it on-line or send it by post
Expecting the least but hoping for most.

Five hours of typing , a true test of strength
Then checking it over, its breadth and its length
Forwards and backwards, the claiming forms go
Different departments are keeping them low









What pitiful lives they’re making us lead
Paranoid and broke they have to concede
But governments come and then are declined
Here’s hoping the next, makes claiming less grind

Take heed of my words when time to retire
Try to be solvent and not to expire
Don’t spend your money on fags or on booze
Hide it away for a Caribbean cruise

If that doesn’t appeal, then tuck it away
Save all your money the banker might say
Don’t listen to him, I hear you all cry
Those bloody charges will bleed you all dry


listerine

I love this last verse/ poem it is great!!!!!!!
and great of you to share