Time for some new pity party stuff. I just lost my father. I figured the end was near when he kept going to the hospital with increasingly worse pneumonia. The last time I talked to him I told him I’ve never seen him give up. He said he wasn’t giving up but was just tired and it was time and he was ready.

The rabbi did a great service and the funeral directors did a fabulous job. It was about 86 and they had shade, seats and bottles of water. But what was the nicest part and where I had difficulty was the part where they had marine color guard because he was a WWII vet and they gave a gun salute, played taps and presented my mom with the flag with which they had draped the coffin.

At shiva I saw a lot of people (my friends) and my Dad's friends. He was so well liked. Mom is doing OK. She goes back and forth between knowing what happened and forgetting. We shared interesting stories and I learned some scary things about his time in the Pacific. Good hint. After you bayonet someone it's easier if you pull the trigger and let the gun recoil pull the bayonet out so it doesn't get stuck.
Good bye Dad

I can’t go along with Dad that he wasn’t giving up. So why can’t I? My sister-in-law’s 70th birthday was right before Dad died and when we loaded the pictures on the computer I noticed all of the family had a picture taken with the birthday girl. I remarked on it and the reply was “well, you could have come over.” I didn’t know they were doing that. I am so sick of being treated like I’m not sitting right in front of you.

However I am good for loading, running, emptying the dishwasher and doing the boys clothes.

As for fencing I know I am breaking several cardinal sins of envy etc. As the Paralympic games are coming up I get sadder. The people selected are superb fencers. However it would have been nice to try to have a chance. Go fence in World Cups I’m told. Sure, I’ll just dip into my millions. I’m jealous of them because they are part of rehab programs and clubs where they can both train intensively and get sponsorships.

There is really no support on the home front. I just happened to choose an outrageously expensive sport. Well, do this or this or this. I have no interest in that. I work out and I cannot lose a pound. I’m 65 pounds overweight and my medications keep the pounds on. All I want to do is sleep because it makes the day pass. Who am I kidding?