I forgot to fence yesterday. It’s easy to understand since my extra weapons are in my bedroom, my whites are hanging next to the washer where I let them dry, I had to climb over my bag in the garage so what could possibly have reminded me?

I’m reaching the point where the sport has just gotten too expensive for me and I suppose I could use the pity party excuses that all I have to fence are the same couple of Abs and if they are not there when I can make it to the club I might have a 10 year old or so to fence. That’s why I have been trying to get more interest in seated fencing drummed up in San Diego. Sure, there are a couple Paralympians just up the road. But it is a 2-3 hour drive to get there and I can’t expect them to come down here all the time.

I am actually fencing better in a chair and have a fantastic coach right now. But then life gets in the way and our two schedules don’t coincide so I can’t get in 5-7 times a week and train like the gifted fencers going to the Games next month. Would I have made the team? (Who knows), but how can you fencing once a week? Oh, and you didn’t have international points. OK, I’ll just dig into the millions I have sitting around and go to some world cups. At least with basketball I would have had a chance to play European ball. I played summer ball with a team in the UK.. I was invited to try out, but I came home. Would I have made that? Who knows again? But at least there would have been a shot.

OK, now the pity party stuff starts so you can stop reading here if you want. I think the easiest thing to do would be to just list them in an orderly fashion.

My body doesn’t react. (no, “you’re getting older here”. It just doesn’t respond. This is stroke related)

Most of the other fencers are ½ my age. (I think the oldest one is in his 30’s)

It’s so damn expensive. (not a new complaint to any fencer/fencer’s parent. Wheelies have a couple of NACs and now CCO and a couple other tournaments that always require flights ,etc) How about some stuff on the west coast? I realize most of the wheelies hail from the Midwest and drive to tournaments. It’s a lot easier to drive from MS to GA than CA to GA. Most of the guys from the South have great rehab fencing programs to attend and several have sponsors. Why don’t I get one? Let’s see. 1700 letters to friends, family, businesses, foundations. Fundraisers in my behalf. In three years I’ve raised a whole $500. I think the only reason I haven’t quit yet is the money I have tied up in equipment. `

I have never really accepted the “new” me. I’m told “get over it,” “It takes time,” “You’ve had a brain injury for cripes sake. You can’t compare yourself to your old you or others,” “At least it beats the alternative. Really? How do you know?”

No real support at home. (that’s a separate issue, it goes to cost etc.)

They did “fix” you. No, the surgery was successful there’s a difference.

There are so many other issues that I don’t want to include. I can’t believe that I got so wrapped up in weekend errands yesterday that I forgot to fence. The worst part—I didn’t miss it.